What is Forgiveness?

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

Completely understand. And ultimately agree. It was a revelation to have a counselour tell me "you don't need to forgive someone to heal." I let go of so much stuff when I learned that. And I think I did actually really start getting better knowing I didn't have to forgive. That my anger was something that wouldn't harm me and was valid and wasn't poison.

I learned that all my emotions were valid and healthy and there for a reason. That forgiveness is what is needed in order to have continuing relationships with people. I agree with that. But acceptance is all I need to have if I no longer want one.

That was the turning point for me too, learning that my emotions, feelings, and thoughts, were valid responses, that I didn't need to forgive someone in order to heal. I think that is wonderful that a counselor advised you in that way.

I think what led me to the same realization, the slow process of coming to a similar understanding as you, was through the many people who have been in my life over the years; the way they have nurtured me throughout my own process of coming to a place where I can release and let go (which, in my mind, is not the same as the concept of forgiveness) and know that I can make choices that will help me in my own life.

I think it's an important discovery to know that we don't need to forgive in order to heal. Thank you for articulating that insight.