What is Forgiveness?

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

I too struggle with the notion of forgiveness. Moreover, I don't think I even subscribe to the notion of forgiveness. And here is why I don't (although I used to):


I think anyone, myself included, can make a conscious decision to accept or not accept situations that do not have our best interests at heart. Being able to say to myself (rhetorical proposition, example), "Am I going to accept x-y-z sets of behavior ? (Absolutely not, if it does not serve my best interest),"

Setting myself free from the social construction of the notion that forgiveness is the answer has liberated from the burden of taking on sh*t that belongs wholly on the perpetrator of such stuff . I can only own my self, my choices, my behaviors, my decisions, which my goal is to act with responsibility that privileges my best interests, with latitude for the best interest of another.

I have more thoughts about this kind of issue because it's not an easy subject to untangle.

Completely understand. And ultimately agree. It was a revelation to have a counselour tell me "you don't need to forgive someone to heal." I let go of so much stuff when I learned that. And I think I did actually really start getting better knowing I didn't have to forgive. That my anger was something that wouldn't harm me and was valid and wasn't poison.

I learned that all my emotions were valid and healthy and there for a reason. That forgiveness is what is needed in order to have continuing relationships with people. I agree with that. But acceptance is all I need to have if I no longer want one.