Can a poly/mono work?

[nina03]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I would say very rarely..it doesn't mean it can't but even when it's consensual...not really...for awhile but not for the long haul..there needs to be balance and in such a relationship it's incredibly hard...imo.........it leads to unhappiness...you're basically talking about a polygamous experience...ie. fundamentalist Mormons, who I'm personally very familiar with...even for Jesus, hard to live, happily...easier perhaps among pagans, but not by much...again, by personal experience...

So, I'm in a relationship with someone who is monogamous. He only is ever with me, in any sense of that. I am poly and date others. We have loved each other for sixteen years, and been in a deeply committed relationship for nine. We got married six years ago. Our relationship is truly for the long haul. We have balance, we are both getting our needs met, and we work very hard at communicating what we want here. You're right that this is not for everyone, but I'm living proof that it's possible and can result in a healthy dynamic if we commit to it. In a polygamous relationship in the Mormon sense, there doesn't often seem to be true consent on the part of the women. My beloved spouse consented to this with his eyes wide open, and that is a very big difference. He is committed to me being all of who I am, including this part of me. In turn, I am committed to his happiness, too. His monogamy is about his behavior, he understands that it does not have to control mine. I know we are not the rule. We've poured years of work into our relationship, where many would have given up. That work has paid off in a marriage that is deeply loving, supportive, sexy, and fun.