"straight" women and Butches.

[Gretchen 1965]

Originally Posted by Gemme

You mentioned that you feel awkward sometimes. That feeling will show in your mannerisms and behavior and that could be off-putting for some people. Also, if you are hyper-focused on a woman, that can be intense and concerning for someone, regardless of your physical presentation.

I'm not sure what you mean by "not really a rapist". Can you elaborate?

I still find it difficult to be normal around tall well endowed curvy heterosexual feminine women. I feel immensely attracted even standing next to tall,curvy, feminine women. Has anyone dealt with this? For me the, taller a woman the better. If there's a tall feminine woman who's busty and is showing a generous amount of cleavage, well my brain just gets hypnotized by them. Its like I can't focus on her face, my eyes lock on to them like magnets. I've had this problem for a long time (since high school) it probably comes about because of my sexual frustration but I constantly find my eyes darting down to tall curvy female's breasts and butts when I'm talking to them or just pass them.
Its real embarrassing, I feel like I'm some lewd perv but there's no conscious thought, my eyes just lock on to them without my control. Its just tall well endowed curvy ultrafeminine women, not skinny, overweight or short women. My other problem is all the women I gotten far with were not my physical type. I am ugly. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I will take long drives and just think about how sad my life is, how lonely I have become, the things I regret, and what I could have done differently. I do this a few times a week, drive and cry. It makes me feel better momentarily.

I haven't been happy in years, I don't see any signs of it getting any better. I see most people getting excited for the weekend, but for me, I get depressed. I have no girlfriend. I have no one. I have friends, and I have had girlfriends and a long term (12 years) relationship, but only because people tend to like me when they get to know me. I've never received compliments on my looks. It's like my whole life is a struggle because of this. I never feel great or like a winner. I keep no pictures of myself. Sometimes I'll take some with my laptop's webcam or my cellphone, and when I look at them it's really painful. I've taken pictures from every angle and every single one of them looks terrible.

And the problem is that I can't stand to be in any type of relationship anymore because of that. I'm 53 now and the last time I went on a date was 2 years ago. Some feminine lesbian women I've known for a while seem attracted to me, flirt or invite me to activities, but I remember how they looked at me the first time they saw me, and it just kills it for me. Maybe I'm vain and shallow. I know this sounds perverted. Like, just, I always have to hold back urges to just touch some tall curvy women breasts or butt. I just get urges to reach out and grope breasts, or slap their butts, or whatever.