"straight" women and Butches.

[Martina]

i was in a cafe in Pacifica a week or so ago and overheard three adult daughters talking to their mother about gay folks. Apparently they were comparing who they had gotten in contact with from the past via facebook. And one of them had turned out to be a dyke. The mom said she always knew that the girl would become a lesbian because of how she looked and went on to add that the girl's sister had always been the more attractive one.

The daughters did not take that on, but they began discussing the whole choice vs. born that way issue. The daughters all thought gay people "couldn't help it." They were trying to convice mom not to want to spit right after she said the word gay or lesbian. Mom was hilarious. She didn't care if it is a choice or if we are born gay. She thinks we are ugly and gross (we flaunt our sexuality), and even if we "can't help it," we are to be avoided because . . . well yuck.

The daughters were all middle aged. i don't think they lived a life any different from their mother's. One said she is a housewife. But attitudes have changed.

Anyway, part of the reason i tell this is that that's what happens to us -- those who pass. We get to hear some really fun stuff.

And while mainstream lesbians might ignore us or want us to behave more conventionally, i think they have our backs more than people like this mom, who i have no doubt would not raise her voice if the day ever came again when we were loaded onto trains. . . .

[dixie]

Originally Posted by Martina

She thinks we are ugly and gross (we flaunt our sexuality), and even if we "can't help it," we are to be avoided because . . . well yuck.

I've always despised the phrase "flaunting our sexuality". I hear it a lot from folks. The joys of heterosexism I guess. They don't seem to realize that their sexuality is "flaunted" in every hand-holding couple, public and on-screen kisses, marriage, etc etc, even simple advertisements for restaurants showing straight couples having a romantic dinner. It's all flaunting, so to speak. Yet since they are of the favored sexuality, the "norm", it doesn't apply to them whether they are even aware of it or not.


I do agree with some of the things I've read in here, in regards to how we are categorized and measured/compared, according to our looks. As a femme, I do have that "pass" into the straight world. If I identify myself to others, depending on the setting, I do get that super annoying "you don't look queer" response. When I was younger and just getting into the local bar scene, I was usually mistaken as the "token straight girl" hanging out with the lesbians and drag queens. (Luckily, I've been around long enough now that they all know me for who I am lol) I think little things like this are a part of what makes me such a loud and proud individual regarding my queer identity.


I have also known a few butches who seemed to gravitate only towards straight women. Like Nat said, it would definitely seem to up the chances of heartbreak by pursuing these relationships or interests. I'm not quite sure what the fascination or attraction would be going into it, knowing that in most cases the outcome would be less than favorable. To each their own, though. We all have different preferences for attraction. Just look at the many attractions and dynamics within this community alone.