Dating a Trans Person (FTM)

[Zora77]

Originally Posted by firie

I am going to answer you within your quote, so I can address your challenges here specifically. And I know you are calling for some advice from those partners who are with guys who are pre-T and pre-op, so I will speak to my experiences both pre-T with Dylan, because he is "pre-op," since no one has answered you on this.



Maybe I have grown too reluctant to entertain people's notions of "trans" because it has been so shocking to me with respect to the audacity out there.

Thank you Firie for your response! I totally get where you are coming from and admire your confident and passionate stance. Unfortunately I feel that I’m not quite there yet and it would feel hypocritical for me to get angry at people’s responses because on some level, as much as this upsets me, I can relate.

Although I do not identify as a lesbian, I did also not go into this relationship with the awareness that R. is a man. Although my response was not ‘shock and disbelief’, I was a little puzzled. I consider myself a very open-minded person and in discussions about people choosing to transition, I’m always the one who adamantly challenges people who do react with some form of ignorance. Maybe that’s why it is so hard for me now to be confronted with my own as this is no longer an abstract discussion for me.

The questions you brought up that I need to think about are “what does a guy look like to you and why do you care?” I feel my own perceptions or definitions of ‘male’ and ‘female’ are being challenged and so is my open mind, which feels rather narrow these days