Abuse in butch-femme relationships

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by dancer611

So you do not allow for self defense? I was supposed to allow her to drunkenly attack me??!

I didn't mean that to sound rude, at all. It's just that people keep saying I should have done something different, and I'm not sure what that was. I was screaming and crying, but no one came; I had no phone to call anyone; and I could not just "walk away" because she was trapping and following me. So what on earth else was I supposed to do, if I'm not allowed to ever lay a hand on anyone?

You've made some interesting statements. First of all, not many of the above posts mentioned your slap. Most of the posts have simply said that you MUST NOT return to your abusive ex. Staying away from that dangerous person is the most important advice everyone here has given you.

You speak about your single instance of slapping your ex as self defense. First, what on earth makes you think, even now, that slapping a violent person, who is twice your size, who has threatened you with a weapon, and who has made you fear for your life, is a defensive act? One of the reasons I think you should get into therapy and not a new girlfriend, is because that act still seems to make sense to you. Plus, you seem tempted to re-engage with your abuser.

I'm sorry if I sound overly harsh. I don't believe you've abused your ex, but I do believe you've engaged in a toxic pattern with her. Physically engaging as you've described with an abusive person twice your size seems to be your pattern in this relationship. Get out and get help.