Grieving

[Daisy Chain]

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

You sound so full of compassion and understanding of her pain.

As you say, they are together again now.

I must acknowledge also that this must of been a harrowing experience to discover her the way you did......

And when you met her and embarked on this relationship, moving in together you must of been full of hope for all the love and happiness that this union would bring.....seems it was to bring very different things.

Sending you love and support and wishing you gentle, healing days.

DC

[not2shygrrl]

Well Ma, 7 years ago. As I look at that number (1-2-3-4-5-6-)...7...seven....days, weeks, months, years...I understand the time that has gone by. I feel my heart break.....7....seven.....years could still be just seconds ago....7. The loss of you was a whirlwind for 13 days from beginning to end. Tho that time we had with you was truly a blessing, none of it prepared us for when you were gone. Just like that, the family rock, our Gibraltar. To say thank you cannot conceivably cover what I mean to say, what I want to say. So I say it here, where I know my words will be read, my heartbreak will be felt and others will understand. Sometimes, siblings just don't understand in that your love for me, and the relationships with women I have brought to you, the support and encouragement you openly gave me paved way for the family to accept and embrace me and my relationships. My siblings don't understand how complicated this is for many others who never had this support.

So all I can do is say what I feel, as I always have done. I feel as if I could never thank you enough for loving me no differently, for the life I do have and my happiness all had to do with how you expressed openly your unconditional love. I feel as if I need you here, not there. I feel you have done really well in raising me. I feel a need to hug you and sit with you and talk. I feel as if I need to see your smile.........I feel as if I am being selfish by wanting you here. I feel blessed to have had you for my Ma.
I feel grateful for a space to share this visually, thank you BFP

[not2shygrrl]

A lovely woman I was in a relationship with lost one of her daughters yesterday. She has two and this one she lost, the younger one, was a free spirit. Hiking, photography, a wiz at mathematics and went to a university in Utah for her Masters, eventually moving to Colorado, an adventurer in every aspect of her life. Loved her family, and sparkled from the inside and out. Never to be held back she has accomplished/experienced more in her 31 years of life than most people do in a lifetime. She was a sweet girl, gentle to all life.

My heart breaks for my ex, she flew across the US to be with her daughter who was in a very bad car accident. Her daughter and a friend were in a car hit from the rear. Both needed critical life sustaining measures, so far one of them has died (my ex's daughter) and the other is still fighting for her life.

I cannot reach out to her personally, it didn't end well between us. I have family members who will and I am comfortable with that. I can't even imagine. She herself is somewhat emotionally fragile normally. I can only pray for her broken heart to have strength to get through this and learn how to live life all over again. I pray for the family and that they have strength to endure this time of such sorrow. I pray for the soul of her daughter that has started a new life and home in a journey I believe we all will one day make. I continue to be at a loss emotionally, in shock and can express that here.

God , please help this family. There is so much heartbreak, pain and loss. Give them the strength needed, assurance and comfort that they are not alone in the loss of their loved one.
Amen

[Stone-Butch]

I lost my father in 2000 and my mother in 2005 and its like only yesterday we shared so many happy days. I miss you both so much, think of you often and love you as much as I did then. Just to hear your voices one more time but it is done and I am very sad.

[Shystonefem]

May is a difficult month for me. My mom's birthday is May 5th. I lost her when I was 21. My dad pass 3 years before my mom on May 20th.

I don't know if you ever get over the loss of a parent. I was extremely close to my dad and not really close to my mom in the end. Still, I dislike May a bit.

[theoddz]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

May is a difficult month for me. My mom's birthday is May 5th. I lost her when I was 21. My dad pass 3 years before my mom on May 20th.

I don't know if you ever get over the loss of a parent. I was extremely close to my dad and not really close to my mom in the end. Still, I dislike May a bit.

I hear ya. May is also a very difficult month for me, also. I lost my father 3 years ago, on May 17th. In him, I lost, not only my dear father, but my mentor, my best friend, my hero and one of my staunchest allies. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wish he were still here. May 15th has a couple of painful anniversaries by itself, which I won't go into here. It is a month of loss, really. I have learned to come to terms with a lot of the grief, but there are still some sad, raw emotions that come in this sad month for me.

I hope your month passes peacefully, SSF. Surround yourself with loved ones and do a little something special for yourself. Take care of you.

~Theo~

[storyspinner70]

My sister died when she was 7 - I was 18. My dad lost his mind. My mom retreated. I compartmentalized. My brother - I don't know. So it went on. It was always hard to know whether to include her in family things. We didn't speak of her for a long time because it hurt too much. It still does.

Mother's Day is always rough, because my ex lost his mother when she was 48, my butch lost her mother a few years ago, and celebrating my mother always seems to mean remembering my lost sister.

My thoughts to all of you who are having a hard time this time of year. Prayers if you want them, wishes if you don't. I'm sorry for all your pain.

[theoddz]

Yesterday, I lost the second half of 2 of the best friends I've ever had in my life......my dear old friend of over 30 years, Irene. Dear Wife and I had to make the awful, heartwrenching decision to withdraw the life support that was sustaining her for the last 6 days. There was just no "meaningful recovery" in her future, due to Multi Organ Failure, and it was simply time to let Irene go with her wife, soulmate and lover of over 22 years (separated only by death, when Angie died at age 42, in 1995).

There is a profound sense of sadness in my heart, but in another sense, I am very happy for her that she is now with Angie again. Irene wished to be cremated, and that is what we will do for her. Long ago, I promised Irene that, when she died, I would take her back home to Brunswick, GA, and scatter her ashes over the Marshes of Glynn (poem by Sidney Lanier).

Rest in peace, old friend, and know that you were deeply loved and will be sorely missed. Go with Angie and know love, joy and peace again.

~Theo~

[MsTinkerbelly]

I was looking deep in the linen closet for old towels today, when a stack fell off and wound up on the floor. On top was a towel embroidered with the word "Sis". Omg, I felt my heart squeeze, and it was all I could do to catch my breath. The towel was one of a set given to my mother over 30 years ago by my Aunt...I didn't know I still had it!

I have been very sad this past week missing my daughter and my Mom...it was kind of like (sappy I know) a sign from her letting me know she is still around. Then, out of the blue my daughter called to complain about her job, and I was able to get my Amy fix.

I miss them both so much, and in such different ways.

[ksrainbow]

Originally Posted by ksrainbow

10/04/13: This date my Dad left his earthly home to be with my Mom. He was buried 10/11/13 to join my Mom for her 81st birthday! I know it was one hell of a party!

Thank you for bringing me life and all the joys of being your daughter!

Love to both of you!

I was at the hospital today for physical therapy-I ventured over to room 215. 215 is the room I said goodbye to my Dad. I sure miss him-

Ks-

[GeorgiaMa'am]

Today I had another one of those "Oh, I need to ask Dixon . . ." thoughts. Then I remembered, I can't. When will these stop? It hits me in the heart every time.

I'm also learning how much David did emotionally for my boy. The boy is trying to lean on me more and more for different emotional needs, and I just can't fulfill all of them. One reason I think we (were/are) all poly is because we're the kind of people who need more than one person to fill our needs. The boy has needs I will never be able to fill, not because I don't want to, but because I'm just not that person for him, emotionally or physically.