The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by ravfem

Years before i figured out i was gay, i was attracted to butches. i didn't discover the b-f community until i came online. There is no b-f community at all here in my SC. Once i started spending time online, i figured out i was femme. When i called myself that to a friend here, she blew it off and said, "whatever". Since that time, i've usually felt a little defensive of my femme-ness, and unsure of it at times too. i have never been what i perceive to be "high" femme...i don't wear make-up or skirts on a daily basis, my nails haven't been properly done in years, i am not a fashion-conscious girl at all.
i've had to make that clear to more than one butch who was more attracted to our "norm" of what a femme is.

i have noticed that in a chat room, many butches will pay more attention to the 'high' femmes, but it's usually in a overtly flirty way, which i'm fine missing out on, personally.

There is one particular femme online that, when i see her pictures, i automatically think, "yeah, i'll never be as femme as her". Then logic kicks in and i start thinking about how much time, energy and money she must expend to maintain that look.... i just don't have it in me!

i've had this internal struggle for many years, and not just with my femme-ness. i often say that my insides don't match my outsides.

Outside, i look like a 40-something generic, overweight, average soccer mom. i blend in to society-at-large well (except for my socks, which i think is as comfortable as i'll ever be outwardly expressing my individuality). Inside, i am a free-flowing hippie. i am thinner, younger and wear hippie-ish skirts. i am much less prudish, mainstream and much more "free".

(((((((((((rav)))))))))) hell girl I get where you are coming from, cause if I am home, I have no make up on, pajama pants, a-line t-shirt hair all nappy and pulled back.. I will go out like this too if I need to run and errand, flips flops and bad toe nails and all!!

Them are just props honey, make up, glitter, hair iron, blah! Femme is who we are inside, and our gender nothing to do with the smoke and mirrors!

Though I will tell you, with 5 kids if I had to drive a mini van ever, I would of screamed bloody murder, they weren't macho enough for me! ha!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

(((((((((((rav)))))))))) hell girl I get where you are coming from, cause if I am home, I have no make up on, pajama pants, a-line t-shirt hair all nappy and pulled back.. I will go out like this too if I need to run and errand, flips flops and bad toe nails and all!!

Them are just props honey, make up, glitter, hair iron, blah! Femme is who we are inside, and our gender nothing to do with the smoke and mirrors!

Though I will tell you, with 5 kids if I had to drive a mini van ever, I would of screamed bloody murder, they weren't macho enough for me! ha!

OK, though I did unfortunately have a mini can briefly. Cough.

I also can most usually be found in PJ pants and a line shirt with hair pulled back unless I am at work.

[SuperFemme]

Minivans are for people that see aliens on the freeway.

[PinkieLee]

I find it refreshing that as time goes by, more femmes are becoming vocal about how they embrace femme. By speaking out, we can start breaking down those "stepford wives" sterotypes that so many people have stuck in their head of what femmes should be.