Setting the bar high?

[Femmewench]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

To be sure the topic stays on topic, I'd like to remind people that when you post, please remember that the topic I offered for discussion is not necessarily about me. It's an subject of discussion about what "Setting the bar high" means to you, and if it worked in your favor or not.

One of the things I wonder about "setting the bar high" is unintended consequences. I think Gemme did a fine job illustrating this particular consequence, as well as Grainne.

I hadn't thought about this in years, probably more than a decade. I had a list of qualities I was looking for in a future partner that I created 16 or more years ago. Fourteen years ago I met someone who checked almost all of those boxes. Earlier this year, we divorced at my request.

I believe you meet people for a reason, season or lifetime. I though she was for a lifetime. I scared her to death talking about "when we grow old together" after only knowing her a couple of weeks. The knowledge that we would grow old together made it easier to sign the consent form for putting her on a ventilator and dialysis years later; I knew she wasn't going to die. (She wound up rallying and not requiring either.)

As it turned out, I met her and it was for a reason, not a lifetime. There was no foreseeing that when we met and I fell in love. Circumstances beyond her control radically changed her shortly into our relationship. At 14 years, she had healed enough for me to find myself again.

I don't know if I'll do another list. I know what I'm looking for. I also know that things can change in an instant.