Trans or Butch

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by Ender

Ugh...I hate this feeling! I hate feeling like half-trans, half-butch! I don't know how to transition feeling like this. Do I change my name? Do I medically transition? If I medically transition, will I regret it? It's beating me up and I don't know what to do. I wish I had a more androgynous name or even a masculine version of my name would be great, but no.

How did/do you butches go about this? Do you still have your given name? Did you change your name? Did you choose to medically transition, even part-way?

I'm also wondering when I do tell someone irl about all this, will they even take me seriously? Or will they think I'm making it up because LGBT+ people are so openly talked about now-a-days?

I remember my dad saying a few years ago, that he loves me no matter what as long as I'm happy, but I'm still terrified I might be going down the wrong path, and end up regretting it in the future.

Hi, Ender! Ender, I'm an MTF, and was always sure I was female, so I can't speak to your situation other than generally.

I can only advise that you try to look at each aspect of your situation in isolation first (physical, visual presentation, where you feel you want to fit in socially, what name you feel happy with, etc. Break it all down and note what you'd feel happy with separately first), and then see if you can come to an overall conclusion. If you glom everything together and try to tackle it as a whole it can make it much harder to see a solution that you're happy with. Especially when it comes to any kind of medical intervention, you need to think first about how YOU feel about your body - not what anybody else thinks about it - it's YOUR body, and you're going to have to live with the result, if you have medical intervention. If anyone else doesn't like what you do with your body, that's THEIR problem, not yours, so don't even give what they think in that regard a moments thought.

In essence, think about what you'd be like in your ideal world - then consider how you can in practice get from the you now to the you you wish to be. And always, always, be YOU. You do not have to fit anybody else's labels or pigeonholes.

As for what people will think - they'll think whatever they're inclined to - the more bigoted will remain bigoted, the more enlightened will understand, and those in-between will learn and hopefully still like and love you for being you. Any person of good heart will want you to be happy dear. The rest you should ignore.

Good luck, Ender - may deity smile upon you and bring you success in your journey!

Esme x