A friend of Dorothys- how important is community?

[Converse]

Originally Posted by gayla

I came out in an area with almost no gay community at all, then I moved to the "big city" that seemed like a gay mecca to me. In reality, the community was only slightly larger but much more active so it seemed to me, based on my reference points, as this huge thing. I was very involved on many different levels for a very long time. Almost every night of the week I was at some meeting or function or event. Weekends revolved around the groups I was a member of and bars where I hung out. This went on for more then 15 years.

I remember how we often talked about what it would be like to live in a place with a thriving community and how much fun we had visiting Austin, San Francisco, Seattle, etc. Even though we had a lot, it was always a little disappointing to go home.

Seven years ago, I left that town and moved to the Seattle area. I can count on one hand the number of times I've stepped foot in a queer bar since I moved here. The majority of my socializing is done with straight people I know from work. I have never been to Seattle Pride.

I don't know if it's my age or the fact that I just got so burned out but I'm really enjoying my lack of community involvement right now. That may change at some point, and I'm grateful that I have such an amazing community so close by, but these days I'm not really feeling the need for much more then my easy chair, laptop and the TV remote.

gayla,
I have also been in similar shoes (well boots cuz I don’t often wear shoes, perhaps that’s a different thread)- submerged so much in the community that after a time it can feel stifling. What is interesting as that if you step out and away, you are suddenly reminded that the whole world actually doesn’t think like you- I mean we know from an intellectual level, but if all of our interactions are with like- minded people it becomes easy to forget that you actually aren’t the “norm”.

As a side note, I also discovered that when straight women congregate that their key topic of conversation is how horrible men are

You say that you're socializing, by choice, is now predominantly with straight people. Do you find an occasional hankering to spend time with people/persons who can see the world through similar eyes, can relate to your experiences, history? And if so, do you think that you have satisfied that need through sites like this, and hence haven’t felt the need to find it in R/T?