Personal Space -- In Your Face

[Apocalipstic]

It freaks me out for people to stand behind me, and I really like large personal space unless I am really comfortable with the person and in a calm mood.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Jude

Wondering if I'm just socially atypical............. What is the level of your need for personal space?

I needed it heavily, I like being alone, it's never been a deep issue for me. I do know it's not healthy. Without getting into details- I did not come from a household where there was a lot of touching or hugging matter of fact it was rare, so I was literally not imprinted to be this way, so with that came the need and like of just being alone. Which by the way is hard when you start having kids, cause my kids are all about their senses and needed to be touched. I was lucky enough to have found Mentors and well there was my Sir and he broke me real quick because he knew how unhealthy it is and I am grateful for that.



Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine?

It makes me cringe, my walls go up, and I get tense..

Do crowds ever overwhelm you?

Yes, but I am pretty good at deflecting people's energies off and sticking to my own space if need to.

How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)?

Yeah unless I know them or trust them I tend to move in a circular fashion so I can see all angles.


The hug from a mere acquaintance?

Way back in the day, I would back away from a hug, this I found out is rude and not ok (therapy) so I extend my hand out first, I have met a lot of people that are like oh no we hug, and this is what I have learned.

Hugs are great, (sometimes) and you can feel a lot about a person through a hat, they are full of love, concern, affection and some hugs are like sugar cookies and Christmas. I know sounds fucked up and all Sandra Lee but I am sharing my experiences.

This is wholly apart from sexual intimacy - talking physical, personal space here; not even about emotional need for space. (That may be my next query!)

I still tend to like my alone time, I like to be quiet for days, it's hard to manuever if you are partnered or friends with people who don't get it or take it or make it about them. I am honest right away about how I am or can be, I am slow to brew it's not going to change.

I'm at a cross roads right now in my life because of current events, I see myself teeter totering between going into recluse to not. It's been hard to find an even balance and I can feel I am not as open to being to close with people. I know enough about myself to work it out and find a healthy balance, but it's hard cause when you are someone who is guarded there are events or experiences that will make one want to go back to old habits and those old habits well they make for a touchless existence. I know I gotta keep working on this though.

[Jude]

After reading the myriad of responses to my initial query, I think I've come to realize that it's about the face in the space far more than the body. I don't care where a stranger's body is hanging out as long as I don't have to touch or smell it if I don't choose to do so. I care deeply where their face is --- even a beloved friendly face. If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another, I don't want it a few inches from my own. Suspect this is an atypical response and others are far more gracious.

Ever seen the ad where the little boy is teasing his sister and has his finger an inch from her cheek and is saying: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you."? The ad itself makes me want to crawl the walls. My own granddaughter tried that one out on me and I found it instantly intolerable and I tend to kind of like the kid

With me, seems to be a face thing!

Dear Newspaper Advice Columnist: Is this normal?

[Gemme]

It still depends on the sitch for me. If I'm sharing a secret or information that I don't want revealed to just anyone, yes, you better have your face REALLY close to mine while I'm telling it to you. However, once that is over, you shall remove your face from my space. I don't like breathing other people's carbon dioxide, even my partner's.

I don't think it's abnormal that you are so bothered by anyone entering your space, Jude. I don't think the average person feels that strongly about it, though. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone majorly (it's not like you're playing favorites, it seems) and it's not the result of some trauma in your life, it's fine I would say.

[Jesse]

Hi I'm Jesse and I am a space hog. I want all 3 feet of my owned space please, unless we are being physically intimate and even then at some point I am going to need to breathe.

Like Apocalipstic, I don't like for people to be behind me. Go ahead and give it a try if you like, but don't say I didn't warn you. <laughing>

I generally will not sit with my back to a door or where someone can walk up behind me.

I also do not see the need for us to stand 3" apart while we talk.

I also have an issue if I am sitting down and someone walks up to me to talk and ends up kind of hovering over me like they have lost their gravity or something. Do sit down please.

Funny what peeves some and not others.

[Isadora]

I am touchy feelie. I do not mind touchy feelie from people I love. I crave touch and usually pick people who also do.

I do not like crowds however and things like Pride or Folsom, etc., make me nervous and I feel like I can't breathe.

I always sit with back to a wall so I can see things coming, this comes from growing up with an attack mother. However, if I trust someone to "have my back" I can sit anywhere. Like if I am out with someone who also has to have there front facing people and I trust them it does not bother me.

I lived with 9 brothers and sisters. I went from home to convent and lived with about 300 women. Alone time? I dun like being alone. At all. I need very little alone time. I do not like being in my house alone. I like being with people.

When I was a CEO and had a big office, I made a co-worker share an office with me. I don't like working in isolation. I would not do well at home. I love traveling and meeting people. However, I do understand that people need space and am very aware and respectful of others.

[Jude]

Originally Posted by Gemme

It still depends on the sitch for me. If I'm sharing a secret or information that I don't want revealed to just anyone, yes, you better have your face REALLY close to mine while I'm telling it to you. However, once that is over, you shall remove your face from my space. I don't like breathing other people's carbon dioxide, even my partner's.

I don't think it's abnormal that you are so bothered by anyone entering your space, Jude. I don't think the average person feels that strongly about it, though. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone majorly (it's not like you're playing favorites, it seems) and it's not the result of some trauma in your life, it's fine I would say.

______________________

Thanks Gemme. Trauma??? A face trauma??? You mean like a heavy face falling on me? Perhaps being run over by a face or bearing witness to a giant exploding face as a small child? Just playing....

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Jude

______________________

Thanks Gemme. Trauma??? A face trauma??? You mean like a heavy face falling on me? Perhaps being run over by a face or bearing witness to a giant exploding face as a small child? Just playing....

Yeah, like Max Headroom or something. *grin*

[dale2555]

Originally Posted by Jude

After reading the myriad of responses to my initial query, I think I've come to realize that it's about the face in the space far more than the body. I don't care where a stranger's body is hanging out as long as I don't have to touch or smell it if I don't choose to do so. I care deeply where their face is --- even a beloved friendly face. If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another, I don't want it a few inches from my own. Suspect this is an atypical response and others are far more gracious.

Ever seen the ad where the little boy is teasing his sister and has his finger an inch from her cheek and is saying: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you."? The ad itself makes me want to crawl the walls. My own granddaughter tried that one out on me and I found it instantly intolerable and I tend to kind of like the kid

With me, seems to be a face thing!

Dear Newspaper Advice Columnist: Is this normal?

Dear Jude,

"If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another..."

Well now, the using of a face brings to mind a variety of pictures all of which are normal. Then again, I'm the one seeing said pictures and I've never, EVER, been called normal. "Weird" is the word most commonly used about me - as in, "You're so weird!" I used to be uncomfortable hearing it and then I became wise enough to understand its true meaning. Since that enlightened day, I say, "Thank You". So if you'll allow me to rephrase... No, not normal at all and the perfect response to an unwanted situation!!!

Sincerely,
Newspaper Advice Columnist

[adorable]

I like being alone rather then around people. Most people get on my nerves.
I dislike people hugging me, although I go thru with it to be polite. I have never understood seeing someone you know at the grocery store and them running to you like they're a golden retriever to hug you a "hi."

If people get too close I back up. An arms length is good for me.

Then there is baby touching. Even more then I hate people touching me, I hate them most of all touching my kids. When my oldest was a baby I had her in a carrier on top of the grocery cart (covered of course - lest my grandmother saw me out with her and her face was exposed. lol. <---see superstition thread.) And some lady came up, lifted the blanket and reached out to touch her. I smacked her hand away and told her to keep it moving.

In relationships I have "learned" how to cuddle. It's not so bad when you like the person.

Crowds? It depends. I remember being at an Alanis Morissette concert once
at an outdoor theater. Everyone was standing in front of the stage in a huge group. The entrances/exits were all on the right of us. I thought, man if someone on stage said anything that might cause this crowd to go nuts - a lot of us would die. Or if a light fell down, a fire started... Anything that would cause a stampede.

When I am in NYC, as long as the crowd is moving at a fast pace - I'm ok. I dislike waiting at traffic lights with them or standing in a group waiting for the train. There was a serial killer a few years back that would push people onto the subway rails. I don't like people behind me when I'm waiting.

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Jude

Wondering if I'm just socially atypical............. What is the level of your need for personal space? Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine? Do crowds ever overwhelm you? How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)? The hug from a mere acquaintance?

This is wholly apart from sexual intimacy - talking physical, personal space here; not even about emotional need for space. (That may be my next query!)

I usually don't stand next to crowds,gets me agitated on so many levels.Volence comes to mind when a rude person/s touches me while standing/walking/running by me in public,with no "excuse me".I absolutely hate elevators,unless i'm in there all by myself,then I love them.I dislike lines of people where I have to stand there with...mostly because my time is important.

I will hug people I like,but they have to be the ones to reach out first.

Home-I also like my space.Sometimes I need to drive alone or be alone at home.There is a bed in my home where I sleep alone...that ones a habit..I counted three 'alones'..*snort*

If I really take a liking to someone,i don't mind them standing next to me,maybe even brush up against me.Depends on who it is.Most times I don't like it when bio-males do this,unless I find him appealing,even then i don't like it,sometimes.

[Orema]

I like crowds and I like people. I don't have a problem with others standing behind nor around me. I'm touchy-feely and enjoy hugs but am hesitant to hug strangers and am respectful of others' space.

At the same time, I need a lot of time on my own—especially when I'm not feeling well. I really don't want to be bothered by anyone when I'm sick.

[Chad]

I like a lot of personal space. I don't like people standing too close to me. I do not like strangers hugging me. When my kitty passed lots of stangers including coworkers hugged me, not pleasent.

I don't like crowds or large groups. I like to spend a lot of my time alone with my pets. I don't even like living with people.

My family, close friends, and lovers are all welcome to get all up in my space. Haha!

Besically, it is my choice whether or not someone is allowed in my space.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by Jude

Wondering if I'm just socially atypical............. What is the level of your need for personal space? Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine? Do crowds ever overwhelm you? How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)? The hug from a mere acquaintance?

This is wholly apart from sexual intimacy - talking physical, personal space here; not even about emotional need for space. (That may be my next query!)

I'm bipolar and have OCD so personal space is a HUGE issue for me. I don't tend to like huge crowds but can deal with it. I don't like people behind me in line much either. I'm a bit afraid of my money or credit card Information being stolen. Yeah paranoid I know. Hugs however I am up for they tend to make me feel better. Now as for the sexual intimacy that's a whole other story.

[girl_dee]

This is a *touchy* (get it, touchy) subject for me.

i love my own space and time, but damn that can get lonely. So i only need it at times....

If you are a friend or family member of someone i love, i will likely hug you upon meeting....

if i don’t know you, i will likely not get close.

if we are on an elevator, stay away from my space

One thing i cannot tolerate is someone hovering over me to see what is in my plate while i am eating..... i had a co-worker who did this and i had to tell her it bugged me......

[~ocean]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

This is a *touchy* (get it, touchy) subject for me.

i love my own space and time, but damn that can get lonely. So i only need it at times....

If you are a friend or family member of someone i love, i will likely hug you upon meeting....

if i don’t know you, i will likely not get close.

if we are on an elevator, stay away from my space

One thing i cannot tolerate is someone hovering over me to see what is in my plate while i am eating..... i had a co-worker who did this and i had to tell her it bugged me......

LOL Dee I agree w/ u in CROWDING personal space ~ as much as I do need my time I get lonely too ~ thank god for good pets !!! lol they keep me busy.

[cathexis]

Am not really a touchy-feely type of person. Much rather shake hands with a new acquaintance than rather than hug. One of my favorite places is in the middle of a crowd. You can be very much alone in a crowd rather than standing in a cue or either side of someone. I do not enjoy making small talk. Don't get me wrong, if there's a particular topic, I can contribute to the conversation without difficulty.

I prefer to either be alone or with an intimate other (s).