Personal Space -- In Your Face

Jude · 11-01-2010, 06:02 PM

After reading the myriad of responses to my initial query, I think I've come to realize that it's about the face in the space far more than the body. I don't care where a stranger's body is hanging out as long as I don't have to touch or smell it if I don't choose to do so. I care deeply where their face is --- even a beloved friendly face. If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another, I don't want it a few inches from my own. Suspect this is an atypical response and others are far more gracious.

Ever seen the ad where the little boy is teasing his sister and has his finger an inch from her cheek and is saying: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you."? The ad itself makes me want to crawl the walls. My own granddaughter tried that one out on me and I found it instantly intolerable and I tend to kind of like the kid

With me, seems to be a face thing!

Dear Newspaper Advice Columnist: Is this normal?

Gemme · 11-01-2010, 08:06 PM

It still depends on the sitch for me. If I'm sharing a secret or information that I don't want revealed to just anyone, yes, you better have your face REALLY close to mine while I'm telling it to you. However, once that is over, you shall remove your face from my space. I don't like breathing other people's carbon dioxide, even my partner's.

I don't think it's abnormal that you are so bothered by anyone entering your space, Jude. I don't think the average person feels that strongly about it, though. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone majorly (it's not like you're playing favorites, it seems) and it's not the result of some trauma in your life, it's fine I would say.

Jesse · 11-01-2010, 08:41 PM

Hi I'm Jesse and I am a space hog. I want all 3 feet of my owned space please, unless we are being physically intimate and even then at some point I am going to need to breathe.

Like Apocalipstic, I don't like for people to be behind me. Go ahead and give it a try if you like, but don't say I didn't warn you. <laughing>

I generally will not sit with my back to a door or where someone can walk up behind me.

I also do not see the need for us to stand 3" apart while we talk.

I also have an issue if I am sitting down and someone walks up to me to talk and ends up kind of hovering over me like they have lost their gravity or something. Do sit down please.

Funny what peeves some and not others.

Isadora · 11-01-2010, 09:23 PM

I am touchy feelie. I do not mind touchy feelie from people I love. I crave touch and usually pick people who also do.

I do not like crowds however and things like Pride or Folsom, etc., make me nervous and I feel like I can't breathe.

I always sit with back to a wall so I can see things coming, this comes from growing up with an attack mother. However, if I trust someone to "have my back" I can sit anywhere. Like if I am out with someone who also has to have there front facing people and I trust them it does not bother me.

I lived with 9 brothers and sisters. I went from home to convent and lived with about 300 women. Alone time? I dun like being alone. At all. I need very little alone time. I do not like being in my house alone. I like being with people.

When I was a CEO and had a big office, I made a co-worker share an office with me. I don't like working in isolation. I would not do well at home. I love traveling and meeting people. However, I do understand that people need space and am very aware and respectful of others.

Jude · 11-01-2010, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

It still depends on the sitch for me. If I'm sharing a secret or information that I don't want revealed to just anyone, yes, you better have your face REALLY close to mine while I'm telling it to you. However, once that is over, you shall remove your face from my space. I don't like breathing other people's carbon dioxide, even my partner's.

I don't think it's abnormal that you are so bothered by anyone entering your space, Jude. I don't think the average person feels that strongly about it, though. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone majorly (it's not like you're playing favorites, it seems) and it's not the result of some trauma in your life, it's fine I would say.

______________________

Thanks Gemme. Trauma??? A face trauma??? You mean like a heavy face falling on me? Perhaps being run over by a face or bearing witness to a giant exploding face as a small child?

Just playing....

Gemme · 11-01-2010, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jude

______________________

Thanks Gemme. Trauma??? A face trauma??? You mean like a heavy face falling on me? Perhaps being run over by a face or bearing witness to a giant exploding face as a small child?

Just playing....

Yeah, like Max Headroom or something. *grin*

dale2555 · 11-02-2010, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jude

After reading the myriad of responses to my initial query, I think I've come to realize that it's about the face in the space far more than the body. I don't care where a stranger's body is hanging out as long as I don't have to touch or smell it if I don't choose to do so. I care deeply where their face is --- even a beloved friendly face. If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another, I don't want it a few inches from my own. Suspect this is an atypical response and others are far more gracious.

Ever seen the ad where the little boy is teasing his sister and has his finger an inch from her cheek and is saying: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you."? The ad itself makes me want to crawl the walls. My own granddaughter tried that one out on me and I found it instantly intolerable and I tend to kind of like the kid

With me, seems to be a face thing!

Dear Newspaper Advice Columnist: Is this normal?

Dear Jude,

"If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another..."

Well now, the using of a face brings to mind a variety of pictures all of which are normal. Then again, I'm the one seeing said pictures and I've never, EVER, been called normal. "Weird" is the word most commonly used about me - as in, "You're so weird!" I used to be uncomfortable hearing it and then I became wise enough to understand its true meaning. Since that enlightened day, I say, "Thank You". So if you'll allow me to rephrase... No, not normal at all and the perfect response to an unwanted situation!!!

Sincerely,
Newspaper Advice Columnist

adorable · 11-02-2010, 05:22 PM

I like being alone rather then around people. Most people get on my nerves.
I dislike people hugging me, although I go thru with it to be polite. I have never understood seeing someone you know at the grocery store and them running to you like they're a golden retriever to hug you a "hi."

If people get too close I back up. An arms length is good for me.

Then there is baby touching. Even more then I hate people touching me, I hate them most of all touching my kids. When my oldest was a baby I had her in a carrier on top of the grocery cart (covered of course - lest my grandmother saw me out with her and her face was exposed. lol. <---see superstition thread.) And some lady came up, lifted the blanket and reached out to touch her. I smacked her hand away and told her to keep it moving.

In relationships I have "learned" how to cuddle. It's not so bad when you like the person.

Crowds? It depends. I remember being at an Alanis Morissette concert once
at an outdoor theater. Everyone was standing in front of the stage in a huge group. The entrances/exits were all on the right of us. I thought, man if someone on stage said anything that might cause this crowd to go nuts - a lot of us would die. Or if a light fell down, a fire started... Anything that would cause a stampede.

When I am in NYC, as long as the crowd is moving at a fast pace - I'm ok. I dislike waiting at traffic lights with them or standing in a group waiting for the train. There was a serial killer a few years back that would push people onto the subway rails. I don't like people behind me when I'm waiting.

11-01-2010, 06:02 PM	#1
Jude Member How Do You Identify?: I'm Fluid (comfortable being me) Preferred Pronoun?: "Hey Jude" Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Bethesda/Chevy Chase (suburbs of Wash DC) Posts: 100 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 129 Thanked 146 Times in 55 Posts Rep Power: 104572	Realization: It's the FACE in the SPACE After reading the myriad of responses to my initial query, I think I've come to realize that it's about the face in the space far more than the body. I don't care where a stranger's body is hanging out as long as I don't have to touch or smell it if I don't choose to do so. I care deeply where their face is --- even a beloved friendly face. If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another, I don't want it a few inches from my own. Suspect this is an atypical response and others are far more gracious. Ever seen the ad where the little boy is teasing his sister and has his finger an inch from her cheek and is saying: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you."? The ad itself makes me want to crawl the walls. My own granddaughter tried that one out on me and I found it instantly intolerable and I tend to kind of like the kid With me, seems to be a face thing! Dear Newspaper Advice Columnist: Is this normal? __________________

11-01-2010, 08:06 PM	#2
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	It still depends on the sitch for me. If I'm sharing a secret or information that I don't want revealed to just anyone, yes, you better have your face REALLY close to mine while I'm telling it to you. However, once that is over, you shall remove your face from my space. I don't like breathing other people's carbon dioxide, even my partner's. I don't think it's abnormal that you are so bothered by anyone entering your space, Jude. I don't think the average person feels that strongly about it, though. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone majorly (it's not like you're playing favorites, it seems) and it's not the result of some trauma in your life, it's fine I would say. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

11-01-2010, 08:41 PM	#3
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,782 Times in 3,940 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Hi I'm Jesse and I am a space hog. I want all 3 feet of my owned space please, unless we are being physically intimate and even then at some point I am going to need to breathe. Like Apocalipstic, I don't like for people to be behind me. Go ahead and give it a try if you like, but don't say I didn't warn you. <laughing> I generally will not sit with my back to a door or where someone can walk up behind me. I also do not see the need for us to stand 3" apart while we talk. I also have an issue if I am sitting down and someone walks up to me to talk and ends up kind of hovering over me like they have lost their gravity or something. Do sit down please. Funny what peeves some and not others. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

11-01-2010, 09:23 PM	#4
Isadora Member How Do You Identify?: Momma, Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: I am in love. Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 997 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 502 Thanked 2,127 Times in 559 Posts Rep Power: 2369288	I am touchy feelie. I do not mind touchy feelie from people I love. I crave touch and usually pick people who also do. I do not like crowds however and things like Pride or Folsom, etc., make me nervous and I feel like I can't breathe. I always sit with back to a wall so I can see things coming, this comes from growing up with an attack mother. However, if I trust someone to "have my back" I can sit anywhere. Like if I am out with someone who also has to have there front facing people and I trust them it does not bother me. I lived with 9 brothers and sisters. I went from home to convent and lived with about 300 women. Alone time? I dun like being alone. At all. I need very little alone time. I do not like being in my house alone. I like being with people. When I was a CEO and had a big office, I made a co-worker share an office with me. I don't like working in isolation. I would not do well at home. I love traveling and meeting people. However, I do understand that people need space and am very aware and respectful of others. __________________ "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." Margaret Mead Read me! www.leatherati.com

11-02-2010, 05:22 PM	#8
adorable Member How Do You Identify?: Sarcastically Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home of the Yankee's Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,708 Thanked 2,644 Times in 590 Posts Rep Power: 12725119	I like being alone rather then around people. Most people get on my nerves. I dislike people hugging me, although I go thru with it to be polite. I have never understood seeing someone you know at the grocery store and them running to you like they're a golden retriever to hug you a "hi." If people get too close I back up. An arms length is good for me. Then there is baby touching. Even more then I hate people touching me, I hate them most of all touching my kids. When my oldest was a baby I had her in a carrier on top of the grocery cart (covered of course - lest my grandmother saw me out with her and her face was exposed. lol. <---see superstition thread.) And some lady came up, lifted the blanket and reached out to touch her. I smacked her hand away and told her to keep it moving. In relationships I have "learned" how to cuddle. It's not so bad when you like the person. Crowds? It depends. I remember being at an Alanis Morissette concert once at an outdoor theater. Everyone was standing in front of the stage in a huge group. The entrances/exits were all on the right of us. I thought, man if someone on stage said anything that might cause this crowd to go nuts - a lot of us would die. Or if a light fell down, a fire started... Anything that would cause a stampede. When I am in NYC, as long as the crowd is moving at a fast pace - I'm ok. I dislike waiting at traffic lights with them or standing in a group waiting for the train. There was a serial killer a few years back that would push people onto the subway rails. I don't like people behind me when I'm waiting.