To Write Love on Her Arms

like most who have posted on this thread, i have struggled w/depression for most of my life, starting as a youngster. the first of my strokes didn't help, as it affected the part of the brain dealing w/emotions. now, in addition to situational depression, i have to deal w/intense depression that comes seemingly from nowhere and departs as mysteriously as it came.when younger, i was a cutter. that helped where no drugs and no psychotherapy did. i started almost by accident after finding out that ascratch on marm made me feel not better but in less psychic pain. from that i progressed to knives and finally to a razor blade. then cutting became dangerous, as i gradually lost my inner "stop" instinct. the cuts on my arms became deeper and more suicidal. i truly did not care whether i lived through them. one day,for no reason i can discern, i simply stopped cutting. the periods of depression still came and went, as intense as ever. no drugs touched them, nor did talk therapy. i looked back on cutting with an ache like that of missing a lost love. it WORKED in a way that nothing else did. still i did no cut, nor do i now. lately, however, in my darker days, cutting has regained its viability. i still do not do it, but it has become a possibility again. will i someday pick up mu razor blade again? i don't know but i could. i could.
pres