Holiday Blues

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Arwen

So true! Those who truly are your friends will always respond even if it is with "I can't right now but I hear you and I am thinking of you."

I got hit with a really bad "bluesy" feeling tonight. Was in the grocery store getting stuff to make to take to a friend's for Christmas dinner and heard "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and realized I won't.

I nearly cried in the darn store for pete's sake. It's just that I want to be with my family right now. I want to watch my niece open up her presents. I want to hear my sisters in the kitchen laughing. I want to see their husbands watching the games on TV.

I miss that fiercely right now.

I'll be fine. I have plans that day. I won't be alone but even if I were, it would be okay. I kinda like my own company.

And I have crazy gifts to unwrap including one from some Apple state!

I am right there with you, Arwen.

Lately, I've been connecting more with my bestie from school and childhood and all that jazz and the more we email back and forth, the more I smell the smell of her mom's (my "adopted" mom) house and hear all the noise from her brothers on the computer and father complaining about everything and feeling the kitties winding their way around our legs as we stand in a line in the galley kitchen, swaying slightly while on one foot (it's so strange...one starts and we all fall into synch naturally...it's been that way since Jen and I were in 7th grade)....with music in the background and her son, my heart nephew, babbling at the table.

It's been so long, he's not in a high chair anymore. He's a big boy who's in advanced classes taking his studies in not only English, but Spanish too. I can't believe the boy is already 7. Time flies...

But I feel that pull when we talk. I know that pull. It's strong and sweet and painful, simultaneously.

I've made a family with those that I currently reside. I'd like to think that, if nothing else, in time we'll still be exchanging holiday and birthday cards but I know that they aren't my true family and we won't be flying cross country to meet with one another year after year. But they are my family RIGHT NOW. And they've opened their home and lives to me and let me share their beautiful pups and that is a wonderful thing. Not everyone would. So, I honor them in their act of kindness to me.

Though I am not with those that I feel intrinsicly linked, I am with those who have a place for me in their hearts and I shall make a place for them as well.

Next year will be different, but I will still remember them.

btw, you can't confirm that the gifts are crazy until you actually unwrap them, silly girl.