Stone Butches

[Converse]

Originally Posted by stonebutchinpa

Just got back from a bad date where the woman I was with told me that being with someone "like me" aka a stone made her feel like she wasn't a lesbian anymore, I took her lesbian identity and made her feel straight?!?!

I completely understand that everyone has their opinion, but I clearly told her who I was waaaayyy before we started dating.

I just want to thank the femme woman out there who love and appreciate us stone butches.

It’s who we are, and sexually it’s a part of the whole. I don’t think that some realize that when they ask for a part of us to change- that it cant happen without it altering everything else about us. It’s hard to hear, to hear that something about the way we are is in someway depriving or diminishing some one we care about. I’ve stood in your shoes, and I’ve tried to tolerate, tried to make this “one” concession. I’ve allowed myself to believe that I am somehow less than, that it is some kind of hurdle that I have to jump, that if I wanted a woman in my bed that ‘lesbian – take it in turns” sex was part of the deal.

I’ve been with the women who claim that they are attracted to the energy, to the hardness, to an edginess, a confidence, to something they say seems a little remote, a little self-contained- and then in a short period of time I’ve experienced those same women talk of wanting to expose the underbelly, of seeking some compliance and pliability, of wanting to experience the girl behind the Butch. It’s as though there is a belief that a Stone Butch is simply a façade, a layer of clothing, that gets worn and removed at will, but what many don’t understand is that it is not a veneer - so when it is removed- there is nothing of our true selves left.

I have attempted to accommodate a sex as they have “always done it”- and as a consequence have had to accept the lack of sexual gratification, but more importantly suffered from a sense of “loosing myself” because of it.

And then I discovered a stone Femme, and suddenly knew what it was like to fly high.

Neither of you are wrong or imperfect, but like most things in life we need to find our compliment, because just as a mismatch can cause us to loose ourselves, the right one can help us take air. I wish you well.