A straight girl enters the queer world...

[stepfordfemme]

I really want to answer this post as its been one of few that has struck a cord with me. My own opinion follows and I hope this discussion continues.

To answer the question:
1. How important is the full understanding of trans-gender mentality and needs to be a complete partner to someone who is trans?

In my experience in dating and getting to know transmen, I would say that this is dependent on where the guy is in his transition. If they are taking their relationship through the whole process, then it would be of benefit to brush up on information. It just makes it easier.

From my transguy-loving femme perspective, I don't think your friend is any less straight, nor should is it her duty to be informed--as long as she understands she is dating a man. He views himself as such from what I gather. And he understands he is dating a straight girl. There will be bumps and hiccups and messiness. But I agree with some of the postings, why do we all need to know everything if our intentions and hearts are in the right place? I don't believe one can never understand another's experience, just try to hear and listen to as much as possible. Communication is key in these relationships.

I'm a believer that our gender identity can be fluid (yes I'm going there). I define as queer, but I view my relationships with transmen as completely heterosexual. When I'm blessed to have a transman in my life, I'm a happy straight girl. When I'm dating a fine butch, I'm a happy queer girl. But there are women like myself, who don't exactly fit a label either---just like many others in the community!

Maybe your friend is just trying to be with a person she cares about rather than get caught up in gender mentality. Is that complicated? Absolutely. I applaud you for being there for them. Just take care of yourselves as well.

I've read some posts that say identity is fixed, but I believe that is a choice some people choose to make. IMO Labels just allow us to communicate preferences and there are some people that don't have a lot of attachments to the words and analysis.

Thanks for reading and posting on this thread. Interesting!