Can a poly/mono work?

[Martina]

Yeah, I don't even do the don't ask, don't tell thing. We all have to know and at least respect one another. I haven't fucked someone who was cheating since I was in my twenties.

There's a tv show called polyamory or something. I caught a few minutes of a couple of episodes. I couldn't take more. I recall that someone told a guy that they didn't want another person in the relationship, and he said, I don't think THAT's poly. He clearly thinks poly is having as many sexual partners and additional relationships as at least HE wants.

There was one woman who was not into it much. Her husband said he was partly into poly because his wife wanted sex less than he did. So she is involved in the new relationship too -- with another couple. She looks sad, teary almost, and is trying to say something -- this is as a sexual encounter is beginning. The other woman says what's wrong, honey, do you want ME? She doesn't listen to the answer and initiates sex with the other woman. It was hard to watch. Clicked away at that point.

Sad that that is what is being represented on TV.

If people knew how much work it is, . . . .

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Martina

Yeah, I don't even do the don't ask, don't tell thing. We all have to know and at least respect one another. I haven't fucked someone who was cheating since I was in my twenties.

There's a tv show called polyamory or something. I caught a few minutes of a couple of episodes. I couldn't take more. I recall that someone told a guy that they didn't want another person in the relationship, and he said, I don't think THAT's poly. He clearly thinks poly is having as many sexual partners and additional relationships as at least HE wants.

There was one woman who was not into it much. Her husband said he was partly into poly because his wife wanted sex less than he did. So she is involved in the new relationship too -- with another couple. She looks sad, teary almost, and is trying to say something -- this is as a sexual encounter is beginning. The other woman says what's wrong, honey, do you want ME? She doesn't listen to the answer and initiates sex with the other woman. It was hard to watch. Clicked away at that point.

Sad that that is what is being represented on TV.

If people knew how much work it is, . . . .

THAT is exactly what i feel. Those of us who live it don't usually have an as exciting life as they portray on TV. We don't have orgies every night and the Dominant is not orchestrating play parties on a regular basis, so yah, rather boring for ratings. Last activity we did together was probably cleaning the shit out of the barn or maybe watching a sunset. *Yawn* right?

It is work. People want to look right passed all the hard work that is done and see *WOW lots of sex going on there* The emotions and situations that come up are beyond explanation.

And when did lack of sex become the free pass to screw around? Not happy? Leave someone, cheating and sneaky behavior is NEVER ok, i don't care how *sex starved* you are. It's always excused when a man cheats on his wife because she wasn't putting out enough. MAYBE if he stopped being an asshole she would want to have sex with him.

Also, i feel MONO means two people and no one else, period.

i would not consider myself mono if i entered into a relationship where my partner had other lovers. Am i wrong here?

[aishah]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

And when did lack of sex become the free pass to screw around? Not happy? Leave someone, cheating and sneaky behavior is NEVER ok, i don't care how *sex starved* you are. It's always excused when a man cheats on his wife because she wasn't putting out enough. MAYBE if he stopped being an asshole she would want to have sex with him.

Also, i feel MONO means two people and no one else, period.

i would not consider myself mono if i entered into a relationship where my partner had other lovers. Am i wrong here?

i agree with the lack of sex stupidity...however both of my partners definitely consider themselves monogamous. everyone i've ever dated who considered themselves monogamous still did after we started dating. (i consider this akin to the whole question of "does who you date change your id" - i.e. if a lesbian dates a transman does that mean she's not a lesbian - and my opinion is that your id is your id. it's different for everyone i guess.)

[Mel C.]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Also, i feel MONO means two people and no one else, period.

i would not consider myself mono if i entered into a relationship where my partner had other lovers. Am i wrong here?

I think if person A enters in a relationship with person B who has other lovers, person A can consider this monogamous if person B is their only mate / sexual partner. As someone else mentioned, person A has the right to self-identify and that identity may or may not fit in with what other people think.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Also, i feel MONO means two people and no one else, period.

i would not consider myself mono if i entered into a relationship where my partner had other lovers. Am i wrong here?
----------------





I like to view my world as poly-dementional. Poly being the key word, this could mean:


A- is monogamous to B not because A is not allowed to not be in other dynamics but because A feels and decides that B is fulfilling all needs. Even though A is mono now it doesn't mean A has to stay that way, A has consent and there's an understanding A can find X if they choose to.

[The_Lady_Snow]

There are also scenarios where A & B are both seeing other Alphabet characters outside of their dynamic:


A has a relationship with LMN

B may only have a relationship with Z


Z may be involved with W who happens to not be kinky/a foodie/ a person who likes travels so W is totally fine with Z finding U and doing those things with them.

Poly relationships are as different as the people involved the key is transparency.


PS

I meant to say dimensional not dementianal in post 62 I can't fucking correct it on my damn iPhone so sorry for the misspelling

[The_Lady_Snow]

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

Yes, and we don't often think of them that way, and almost never discuss it. I'll pull out my annoying definition once again of "loving more than one"... A sexual component is not required.

[Mel C.]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

Yes, and we don't often think of them that way, and almost never discuss it. I'll pull out my annoying definition once again of "loving more than one"... A sexual component is not required.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

I agree! If I could still edit my post, I'd add the disclaimer that the question specified "lovers" which I interpreted to be sexual but it may not have been meant that way.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

One of my favorite things about poly is that it doesn't have to be complicated it could be as easy as S and N having a commitment that completely devoid of sexual activities or sexual connections!

Exactly! The boi and other boi that have been part of Syr's leather family are not connected sexually to any of us.