Permission to propose

weatherboi · 09-02-2012, 09:39 AM

Usually at this point we get permission to do shots and my mom or pa-paw as i like to call her will head to the bar and i am following.

The JD · 09-02-2012, 09:45 AM

One of the things I really like about being queer is that it gives me more freedom to move outside of the centuries-old gender patterns, and think about what they represent. I can pick and choose what works for me, and assemble the best fit.

Asking my girlfriend's parents for permission to make a lifelong commitment to her (or her asking my parents for that same permission) is one of those gender-ownership rituals I'm happy to throw out the window.

girl_dee · 09-02-2012, 09:48 AM

Maybe i am not as old fashioned as i like to think, but the thought of someone asking (only) my father to marry me seems pre-historic, to me.

i just could never conform to the whole father walking me down the aisle thing and *giving* me away, as if i am his property.

i know others i am sure embrace this sort of ritual, but for me i find it archaic, especially since the mother of the bride (and groom) is excluded basically from the entire sacrament.

Edited to add, if someone really knew me they would also know i would find it insulting to ask anyone's permission to marry me.

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 09:55 AM

Since I'm the head of household cultural etiquette would require I ask his parents, cultural rituals for "me" are important and since in my family circle everyone knows I'm in command they aren't shocked nor is there a boy/girl assignment when these situations arise.

G Snap! · 09-02-2012, 09:58 AM

Since I asked chefhmboyrd to marry me, I would love to have the opportunity to ask his dad if I can marry him... but we lost the chef's dad two years ago.

Bard · 09-02-2012, 10:09 AM

I asked my dad and Desd'd dad before I proposed..

The JD · 09-02-2012, 10:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bard

I asked my dad and Desd'd dad before I proposed..

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

The_Lady_Snow · 09-02-2012, 10:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The JD

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

If Mr weatherboi's Dad says no, I'm going to have to be honest and tell him to damn bad he's been branded, NO TAKE BACKS!

It's not really about his parents for me, it's courtesy and a ritual.

ruffryder · 09-03-2012, 01:39 AM

For me it's not about seeking permission but instead a blessing. In the past it was the mother that was approached . If i was to do it again with my current love it would be her mother also and maybe her step dad. Her bio father is deceased. She wouldn't ask my parents either or my gram that raised me because my mom and gram are deceased and my father is unknown to me. I would have probably told my family myself and with her presence like in the past i did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tony

I did say "I believe women have better reasoning power than men." I stand by that but I should have added, IMO. That's what I believe these threads & forums are about; voicing & discussing opinions. The word stereotype has a negative connotation, which come to think of it, might make for a good thread in itself.
The differences, perceptions of opinions versus stereotyping.

I think it was Snow Who started a good thread about stereotypes of butches, femmes, trans, etc.. Anyone have the link?

bright_arrow · 09-02-2012, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The JD

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

Bard said had hy dad said no, hy would of done it anyways, hy just wanted his blessing.

If my dad said no, hy would talk to him to find out why.

macele · 09-02-2012, 10:41 AM

i don't want to do anything that looks heterosexual when it comes to a relationship. some things are obviously a must. but asking a father, or mother, ... to marry? i don't think so. i just don't want the marriage thing, ... set up for man and woman, ... husband and wife. they don't want me to have it, ... why the hell should i want it! keep it. if "we" decide to "marry", i don't want heterosexual people there lol.

Bard · 09-02-2012, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The JD

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

I have to say for me asking Desd' dad was more of a respect thing asking his and her mothers blessing on our union I love and respect her father so very much had he said no I would have asked why and we would have talked long and hard about what would be bothering him BUT I would have asked Desd and married her NO MATTER WHAT anyone said

My dad well I asked him if I could marry Desd cause he had asked me long ago not to get involved with anyone till Goose was adopted so that the EX could not use her against me

QueenofSmirks · 09-02-2012, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The JD

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

I assume most people who do follow this ritual are already certain the answer is going to be "yes", so probably not much real risk there.

bright_arrow · 09-02-2012, 10:23 AM

While I understand it is an old ritual, I do like that hy asked both father's. My family adores hym and we are all close as is, but I think it just made it go smoother, if that makes sense? No surprises, no omgwtfnooooo responses.. Of course, it dampened the moment when I went to tell my family and they all said "Yep we know!"

I asked hym what hy would of said had either one of our father's said no, and hy said hy would not have asked me then, hy would of proved hy was worthy of marrying me. I thought that was pretty sweet

(Of course, I would of said yes regardless!)

All in all I suppose I see it as a way of making sure everyone is on the same page and accepting, at least in our case. That, and I did not have to tell my extended family - my mom did that

Mrs. Coppah

Okiebug61 · 09-02-2012, 10:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Maybe i am not as old fashioned as i like to think, but the thought of someone asking (only) my father to marry me seems pre-historic, to me.

i just could never conform to the whole father walking me down the aisle thing and *giving* me away, as if i am his property.

i know others i am sure embrace this sort of ritual, but for me i find it archaic, especially since the mother of the bride (and groom) is excluded basically from the entire sacrament.

Edited to add, if someone really knew me they would also know i would find it insulting to ask anyone's permission to marry me.

I am 150% behind you on this.

09-02-2012, 09:39 AM	#1
weatherboi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Owned boy Preferred Pronoun?: Hey boy!!! Relationship Status: counting freckles slowly under Her direction!!! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: i have 2 sets of geographic coordinates!!! Posts: 6,097 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,797 Thanked 12,549 Times in 2,993 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Usually at this point we get permission to do shots and my mom or pa-paw as i like to call her will head to the bar and i am following. __________________

09-02-2012, 09:45 AM	#2
The JD Be the Fearless Bunny How Do You Identify?: Hers. Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: Medusa’s Snake Charmer Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: This must be the place. Posts: 649 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,740 Thanked 2,677 Times in 540 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	One of the things I really like about being queer is that it gives me more freedom to move outside of the centuries-old gender patterns, and think about what they represent. I can pick and choose what works for me, and assemble the best fit. Asking my girlfriend's parents for permission to make a lifelong commitment to her (or her asking my parents for that same permission) is one of those gender-ownership rituals I'm happy to throw out the window. __________________ I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. ~Flannery O'Connor

09-02-2012, 09:55 AM	#4
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	More stuff Since I'm the head of household cultural etiquette would require I ask his parents, cultural rituals for "me" are important and since in my family circle everyone knows I'm in command they aren't shocked nor is there a boy/girl assignment when these situations arise. __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

09-02-2012, 10:09 AM	#6
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I asked my dad and Desd'd dad before I proposed.. __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

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09-02-2012, 09:48 AM	#3
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Maybe i am not as old fashioned as i like to think, but the thought of someone asking (only) my father to marry me seems pre-historic, to me. i just could never conform to the whole father walking me down the aisle thing and giving me away, as if i am his property. i know others i am sure embrace this sort of ritual, but for me i find it archaic, especially since the mother of the bride (and groom) is excluded basically from the entire sacrament. Edited to add, if someone really knew me they would also know i would find it insulting to ask anyone's permission to marry me.

09-02-2012, 09:58 AM	#5
G Snap! Member How Do You Identify?: gay. I'm very happy, thank you! Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Relationship Status: Chefhmboyrd's seeing eye blonde Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Nashvegas Posts: 253 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 412 Thanked 1,109 Times in 229 Posts Rep Power: 6596929	Since I asked chefhmboyrd to marry me, I would love to have the opportunity to ask his dad if I can marry him... but we lost the chef's dad two years ago.

09-02-2012, 10:41 AM	#11
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,230 Times in 847 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	i don't want to do anything that looks heterosexual when it comes to a relationship. some things are obviously a must. but asking a father, or mother, ... to marry? i don't think so. i just don't want the marriage thing, ... set up for man and woman, ... husband and wife. they don't want me to have it, ... why the hell should i want it! keep it. if "we" decide to "marry", i don't want heterosexual people there lol.

09-02-2012, 10:23 AM	#14
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	While I understand it is an old ritual, I do like that hy asked both father's. My family adores hym and we are all close as is, but I think it just made it go smoother, if that makes sense? No surprises, no omgwtfnooooo responses.. Of course, it dampened the moment when I went to tell my family and they all said "Yep we know!" I asked hym what hy would of said had either one of our father's said no, and hy said hy would not have asked me then, hy would of proved hy was worthy of marrying me. I thought that was pretty sweet (Of course, I would of said yes regardless!) All in all I suppose I see it as a way of making sure everyone is on the same page and accepting, at least in our case. That, and I did not have to tell my extended family - my mom did that Mrs. Coppah