Permission to propose

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Tony

I'm of the ilk that women do truly rule the world. One way or another. They raised the men that sit in power. They're married to the men in power. And more & more they are assuming that power.
And not necessarily a bad thing.

Hey, instead of having wars, we'd just have a bunch of countries not talking to each other. Lol.

Dear Tony,

I know you did not intend to offend anyone and were trying to be funny, but as a woman I feel extremely patronized by this post.

Sincerely,
Scout

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Tony

Unfortunately, since you don't truly know me your perception of me is made via words in a screen. People that DO truly know me know that;
1. I am not chauvinistic.
2. I have HUGE respect for women.
3. I'm working on my communication skills, coupled with the fact that I seriously hate texting, but enjoy a good conversation, I'm finding this medium to be challenging.

I am sorry for your twitching.

Considering this is an on line forum, all one has to go on is the words one uses and the thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes those words convey.

The medium is challenging. It is also challenging to deal with women who are well versed in how words are used.

BTW, things that are complimentary to women, dont make me twitch

[Tony]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Dear Tony,

I know you did not intend to offend anyone and were trying to be funny, but as a woman I feel extremely patronized by this post.

Sincerely,
Scout

Dear Scout,
My deepest apologies. Yes, I was trying ( unsuccessfully) to be funny. Certainly did not mean to patronize or upset anyone. If someone can tell me how to remove the post, I will gladly do so.
Again, sorry.

[Bard]

Originally Posted by Corkey

I think the blending of lives should always be up to the couple doing it. Ours was and is a amalgamation of who we are as a couple and as individuals. So we're happy, that I believe is as it should be.

I am with you on this and really it is what Desd and I did in our wedding it was held in a place that was special to me kind of like my place of peace. The Minister that gave us a blessing he is a dear friend that I have worked with for a long time and he is a man I go to when I am troubled part of his blessing was that we were already married that this was our sharing our comitment with our family and friends blending our family. My daughter was a very important part of the whole ceremony as the pagan minister said to us this in not a union of two but of three my Goose may be young but no less important. My Father was in the front row proud as hell when we were renting the tuxes desd and I had said to the fathers that they could have a vest color that matched our mothers, now I told my dad that Ihad changed his color to match my mom his responce to me was that I was to cahnge it back he was my father and he wanted to be just like me. Our parents were a important part of the wedding not because we expected them to help us oot with expences but becasue they wanted to help to make this day special for us. . There was a chance that our wedding would be protested as it was the first legal same sex wedding at Syracuse University and I can tell you my best man would have defended us to the hilt as would have the rest of my officers. I guess what I am trying to say is that I love and respect my fatehr - in - law I asked him for the privlage to marry into his family for his blessing I asked MY Father also for his blessing and because it was important to me that he be a part of one of his childrens wedding day. Our wedding day was a wonderful beautiful day filled with love and support it was amazing I know Desd and I are very blessed

[Parker]

Originally Posted by BullDog

Yes exactly! I wore a tux last year to the Reunion and will wear one this year. If I get married I will be wearing one as well. I will be a butch groom, not representing the man.

I do not subscribe to butch=male; femme=female. Some do, but I do not.

This. I love this - butch groom. I am tucking that away for the future.

Also, I dont subscribe to butch=male; femme=female either.

[Bard]

My Dad siad it all to us in his speech " I came here today with one wonderful daughter and now I have two" then he welcomed Desd to our family

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Bard

My Dad siad it all to us in his speech " I came here today with one wonderful daughter and now I have two" then he welcomed Desd to our family

Wow. Having just endured two years of a mother-in-law who hated me with a white-hot hate that poisoned every family gathering for me and finally resulted in me withdrawing from my partner's family completely—which means, of course, she won—I can only say, your post made me get a little weepy.

[BullDog]

I think it is awesome that Steph's future father-in-law welcomed her into the family and that Bard & Desd has support from the fathers as well.

[bright_arrow]

The end of my dad's toast "I wish them many years of happiness, and many children.. that they must raise themselves!"

I have yet to upload my father-in-law's speech.. I think I have it somewhere

[bright_arrow]

Steph, hope your wedding is hella fun! This is how my family is, LOL

Good luck! As you see, I suck at the Cha Cha!

[jac]

Permission...?

Ummm hmmm... nope, this isn't me. If I were to "technically" get married, which I really don't foresee happening, I would not ask for permission. Spritz and I have had discussions about our mothers, in length, to know that they are one in the same and with knowing THAT... there really isn't a need IMHO to irritate her with this sort of thing. I think I would, over time, be accepted as Spritz's mate and the same would go for her with my mother... but I know my mom wouldn't appreciate it, if the tables were turned, so I am going to assume that her mother wouldn't either.

[skeeter_01]

I asked her 2 sons who were 11 and 7 at the time...

[Bard]

I did ask Goose who was 7 she was all for it as she loves Desd so much and She loves her NEW Grandparents

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Bard

I did ask Goose who was 7 she was all for it as she loves Desd so much and She loves her NEW Grandparents

I mis-read this at first (early morning here) and thought you'd asked for a girl's hand in marriage when you were aged 7. Reminded me of the first time I asked a girl to marry me - I was either 4 or 5. She said yes, but that we should wait until we were grown up. She then gave me a peck on the cheek and we went back to making daisy chains.


On the underlying issue of permission to marry. I strongly embrace family / extended family. The various twists and turns my life has taken in recent years have strengthened this feeling.

However, I wouldn't ask permission from the parents of my partner as I would view it as nothing more than ceremony or pretence as, if for whatever reason they refused "permission", I'd proceed with the marriage anyway if both my partner & I wanted that.

That said, given my sense of family, I'd very much want my partner's parents to be happy wig their daughter's choice of partner and to believe that I would do right by her, loving her with my heart and soul.

Children, if under the age of 18, are an extremely important part of the equation. Again, I wouldn't ask their permission but, assuming that they were living with my partner, their happiness and support of the marriage would be something approaching a pre-requisite for me. They wouldn't have a veto, per se, but I couldn't discount their feelings in a way that I could of unsupportive prospective in-laws.

Generally, I view the whole "permission to marry" concept as outdated and, similarly to most marriage rituals, it doesn't sit easy with me. I'm conservative and a traditionalist and I embrace many rituals and practices that would be viewed by moat in today's world as relics of the past. However, the marriage ones are just a complete turn off for me ..... Not certain why this is but I'be seen too many friends get married for the wedding, the big day and he excitement + expectation, often overlooking what the marriage is actually about which, in my view, is the expression of a life-long commitment to a partner, for better or worse.

[always2late]

My first marriage was to my son's father..and he did not ask my father's permission. Although I come from an Italian family that is VERY conscious of old traditions...I did not feel it necessary for anyone to get "permission" to marry me. Permission harkens back to the time when women were considered the property of their family, until such time as they were married. The permission aspect was not so much a blessing, as a transfer of said property.

That being said....at this point in my life should I decide to get married again, the only person I would seek an opinion from is my son.

[Martina]

It would never occur to me to ask a prospective partner's parents for her "hand."

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Martina

It would never occur to me to ask a prospective partner's parents for her "hand."

If someone asked my parents for permission to marry me, my father would come out with some sort of wise-crack along the lines of, "Hallelujah - great to finally get Ciaran off our hands after decades of eating us out of house and home. Oh, and if you are ever stupid enough to lend Ciaran any money, write it off as you'll never see it again."

I should add that my dad is my best friend who warmly embraces my partners, respecting my decisions in this regard. In fact, my parents are hosting one of my exes for a week this coming Christmas.

[ruffryder]

For me it's not about seeking permission but instead a blessing. In the past it was the mother that was approached . If i was to do it again with my current love it would be her mother also and maybe her step dad. Her bio father is deceased. She wouldn't ask my parents either or my gram that raised me because my mom and gram are deceased and my father is unknown to me. I would have probably told my family myself and with her presence like in the past i did.

Originally Posted by Tony

I did say "I believe women have better reasoning power than men." I stand by that but I should have added, IMO. That's what I believe these threads & forums are about; voicing & discussing opinions. The word stereotype has a negative connotation, which come to think of it, might make for a good thread in itself.
The differences, perceptions of opinions versus stereotyping.

I think it was Snow Who started a good thread about stereotypes of butches, femmes, trans, etc.. Anyone have the link?

[Tony]

Originally Posted by apretty

This isn't funny, having a vagina doesn't make you a passive aggressive communicator.

My apologies. I just saw this. I was not being disrespectful. I was only trying to be funny. It was actually a line I saw on one of those Facebook postcard things. Again, no disrespect intended.

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by Tony

My apologies. I just saw this. I was not being disrespectful. I was only trying to be funny. It was actually a line I saw on one of those Facebook postcard things. Again, no disrespect intended.

Tony

Kudos to you for apologising. That takes guts.

That said, you've just admitted taking a comment from one of those irritating facebook picture posts and using it as your own.

That's sad. I've read enough of your posts to know you're an articulate individual with a reasonable grasp of language. I'd respectfully suggest limiting the replication of inane facebook comments in your own posts.