Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[Nomad]

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech.

and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! )

the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Nomad

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech.

and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! )

the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.

I second this and applaud it....

I don't care what kind of car you drive or the job you have, are you kind? are you considerate? are you courteous? are you giving just for show or because that's who you really are, be respectful before and after and mean it don't just play a game I have feelings and they matter if to no one else than me they matter....respect is huge in my book.

A picnic on a beach would suit me more than some stuffy high end restaurant.....

a trip to the dog park, a walk along the river even fishing or camping ..

be good to me and ill be good to you, it kind of works like that or so i would like to believe in or at least hope for.

[LadyRieinAL]

I'll probably be from out of town and you'll pick me up at the airport -
You meet me with a grin on your face and you reach out to give me a warm welcoming hug.
My suitcase is light because I know I am only going to be here for the weekend - if it is chilly out side you offer to help me with my jacket or coat. You reach to take my luggage from me, and we walked to your car and drive to your place.
You get out of the car, come around and open the passenger's door for me, you take my hand and kiss it gently.
You open the trunk and take out the luggage.
Once inside the house, you introduce me to your four legged babies.
You take my luggage into the guestroom, you show me around your house, you have a large cozy bathrobe in the bathroom for me.
We take a few moments to sip coffee, chatting, the babies are helping to make this an easy transition in getting to know one another -
You've made plans for dinner, Italian.
I could sit and talk with you all night, your smile is genuine and your laughter infectious. But there are dinner reservations.
While helping me with my coat, you ask if you may kiss me, a soft sweet gentle kiss. You open the door for me and you tell your babies that we will be back shortly.
At the restaurant you pull out my chair and kiss my cheek. You sit directly across from me because you want to look into my eyes while we chat.
Since I haven't eaten in this restaurant before and we have discussed over the phone I only eat chicken and some fish, you ask if you can order for me.
You're so handsome, and you have made me feel like a princess. After a wonderful meal we leave the restaurant and you take me to your special place - a blanket of stars and fresh air surrounds us - could be a park, a river bank, a mountain parkway, - it is a safe place and we take a moon light stroll, I interlock my arm around yours. Everything is so romantic.
When we get back to your place, we sit and watch a movie and laugh - and time comes to go to sleep, you ask if I would be more comfortable sleeping in the guest room, or if I would like to sleep with you, you promise to be on your best behavior, but it is a strange place and I might be more comfortable cuddling with you. I have only one answer, and we drift off to sleep with your arm wrapped around my waist.
Morning comes and I awaken to the scent of a delicious cup of coffee right next to me on the night stand.
Good morning, you're in a very good mood -
I realize how very safe I feel with you -
this weekend is going to go way too quickly. You're the perfect gentle person - doesn't mean I will always want you to behave so perfectly, - but this weekend, this first date, I know I will be back because I want to know more about you and I want more of you.

[Redsunflower]

I've liked this thread very much and am astounded any of us manage to get together given the variety of ways we like to be treated on a date.

This one...

Originally Posted by LadyRieinAL

...you reach out to give me a warm welcoming hug...you offer to help me with my jacket or coat...you reach to take my luggage from me...you get out of the car, come around and open the passenger's door for me, you take my hand and kiss it gently...
...you have a large cozy bathrobe in the bathroom for me...
...You've made plans for dinner, Italian...
...while helping me with my coat, you ask if you may kiss me...at the restaurant you pull out my chair and kiss my cheek.
...you ask if you can order for me...
...you have made me feel like a princess.

...is my idea of a living hell. (No offence intended in way way, LadyRieinAL. Best of luck with finding what you're looking for. :-))

If we're talking about spending time with someone we don't know very well, maybe just enough to be interested, then I want to be treated like exactly that, someone you don't know very well.

Be curious, ask stuff, if I don't want to tell you I'll say. Be ready for me to ask things about you, I will 'cos I'm interested, or I wouldn't be there. Show me who you are as best you can and I'll do the same.

Have a few ideas ready for things we might do. I'll have some too and we can figure it out together. We're both responsible for our own enjoyment.

Tell me what's important to you, what you love, what drives you mad, what your passionate about. Tell me about your mood, where you think you are in life, what you get up to. Tell me any damn thing you like.

Mostly, treat me like the competent, independent, thinking person that I am.

And that'll do nicely, thank you.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Yeah I don't really wanna be asked if someone may kiss me. I may panic and say no lol.
I dunno, I was raised on the slow move in, giving time for the other person to move away. Hint taken.
I like tension and unspoken things. Leading up to a molestation in the ally lol
Someone kissing my hand would have me saying something really smart ass.

Though one person did it once in a way that was smooth. I have never seen that repeated before in my life. I'd rather have a hand on my back. Those little physical touches back and forth, gradually accumulating in dry humping under the table hahahaha...

The leg touch with their leg, so I can move my leg or leave it there. And the spike in blood pressure that happens with that.

Or just drink beer on my couch with me and talk till it gets late and leap on me, that will do!

[Redsunflower]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Yeah I don't really wanna be asked if someone may kiss me. I may panic and say no lol.
I dunno, I was raised on the slow move in, giving time for the other person to move away. Hint taken.
I like tension and unspoken things. Leading up to a molestation in the ally lol
Someone kissing my hand would have me saying something really smart ass.

Though one person did it once in a way that was smooth. I have never seen that repeated before in my life. I'd rather have a hand on my back. Those little physical touches back and forth, gradually accumulating in dry humping under the table hahahaha...

The leg touch with their leg, so I can move my leg or leave it there. And the spike in blood pressure that happens with that.

Or just drink beer on my couch with me and talk till it gets late and leap on me, that will do!

Oh yes...tension and unspoken things...I love all that too. When the tension is allowed to build, then moments that might come later are even hotter. The small touches of my back or hand or wherever, I need a chance to wonder if they were accidental or deliberate, what it felt like to have you touching me, if I want you to touch me again, to wait for it and want it.

I don't want to be asked about a kiss 'cos that's just the wrong dynamic altogether, too formal and polite, I don't want anything sexual to be done in a polite way. But if my date waits for me to make the first move, we will wait forever; never gonna happen, ever.

Like all kinds of touching, you'll know I'm interested 'cos I'll be physically close enough to allow you to do it. If you just can't find the moment, that'll be because I'm avoiding it. If the 'blood pressure spike' doesn't happen then it just isn't happening. This energy cannot be created artificially, it exists between two people or not, but giving it a chance to grow is the best thing ever.

Now I want to go on a date, it's been a while. Dammit.

[*Anya*]

I did something I had never done before, on my first date with my girl-friend (wrote about it somewhere in a post prior to this one).

When she walked me to my car to say goodbye ( I always used to use separate cars on a first date as a get-away, if needed); I asked her if I could kiss her goodnight.

She was not expecting it, and kind of stuttered, "Yes".

It was a great kiss, I said I enjoyed the date and got in my car and drove away.

When I looked in the rear-view mirror, she was still standing there.

It was classic and she still loves that I did that.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Nomad

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual).
...
a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! )

THIS. Exactly, especially the part I highlighted.

[Electrocell]

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

[imperfect_cupcake]

these days? I'd rather it not really be a date, to be honest. I'd prefer to just hang out and see how we get on as mates and if there's chemistry and attraction there. I'd like to talk before hand a bit to see where we both want to go, and the most important thing to me is how we get along, chemistry wise. Is there lots of laughing? banter? questions and curiosity? I'd like to be treated like a friend with possibilities. I don't want flowers, I don't want candy or stuff like that. I want you to be relaxed, confident, able to talk naturally, banter with me, and be totally honest like you would a friend - without fearing judgement. I don't want us on our best behaviour. I just want us to be very very realy about who we are. Still a bit hung up on a ex? Don't care. Tell me about it. Not for hours mind you, you'll put me into a coma, but tell me what you think and what you'd like to do about it.

I do webcamming work - I'll have told you a bit about that before we meet up - to put me through school. Don't treat me like a slag. I'm not. I won't bed you just because I can talk about sex easily on a camera. It's work and it's dull, don't fetishise me. Make jokes, sure, but the jokes should be about my clientelle (follow my lead hey?) and the rediculousness of the work, not some lame filthy bullshit I hear when I'm *at* work, you'll remind me of a service user. My job is convenient for study and half decently paid but very dull and a long shifts gives me headaches from having to be "chirpy, bubbly, smiley and up" and dealing with dickheads very swiftly with little or no reaction. I've got very thick skin and a very little tolerance for fuckwittery. But I have a very wicked sense of black humour, I love smart assing back and forth with people and I love a playful insult between friends. And I hope you do too. To me it shows intimacy, playfulness and ability to keep things from escalating past a certain point in debate.

I expect that to be there as a solid backbone - playfulness - especially if we decide to sleep together. I want our dates to develop as we do. I want romance expressed as a deep friendship and affection. We'll know how to express that to each other as we learn each other. If that happens quickly because there's shitloads of chemistry, I'm fine with that. But don't rush it. It should happen mutually.

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Electrocell

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

flowers are nice and so is wine provided she isn't allergic to either of those and if she is well then substitute you know...ofos ways are impressive it means your thoughtful....and sometimes the best flowers to receive are the ones where someone hand picked them out weather at a florist or a garden or what have you...

just my opinion.

[ScandalAndy]

I have to agree that I would prefer not to be asked where I want to go if I've been asked out. If I take the initiative and ask someone out (it happens from time to time) I make sure to plan food and an activity, and leave some time after for hanging out/coffee if needed. I value creativity so someone that puts the time and effort into planning something I've never done before will win major bonus points.

The best date I've ever had was when they picked me up from my house, brought me a pretzel they had made that said E=mc2 and two little beaker-shaped ones (i'm a biologist), opened the car door for me, and we got ice cream down the street from my house which we took to a little park nearby and looked out over the river while we talked. I never stopped to think about how little the whole thing cost until just now, lol!

[thedivahrrrself]

I've had great dates both with and without money. Museums are cheap, parks are free, and those are two of the best date spots in the world! A fancy dinner can be presumptuous, especially if neither of you would normally eat there, then it can actually be uncomfortable.

The point of a date is to get to know someone, not to impress them!

That point cannot be stressed enough.

The best date spots are places where you both feel comfortable enough to talk, in a place that is not too noisy for you to listen. That's all dates are really about.


Save the expensive spots for later dates. The first date should be about the conversation.

(IMHO)

[thedivahrrrself]

And normally, I'd say no to flowers, but truthfully, they are starting to grow on me.

I still hate roses.

and carnations

[Bèsame*]

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given.

[*Anya*]

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Uniqueswtfemm

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given.

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

[stepfordfemme]

Open the door for me.....its taken me years/and I still dont always let someone do this, but I think its a sweet gesture.

Smile. If you're smiling, its a good sign.

Let me pick up the bill from time to time, especially if you've A) travelled any major distance to see me. B) It was my idea.

Be creative. If you come up with a special date night, I'm probably going to love it. It really doesn't matter whether it's expensive or cheap, thought matters.

Try and sneak in the smelling (yeah I usually smell like something nice)/hand at the back/hand behind my chair/hand holding gestures. I love it.

Thank me for coming out. I will normally thank you as well.

Tell me I look nice if I do. Dress well. I don't mean fancy, I mean clean/put together/take a shower. A girl should not be able to take her eyes off you

I wish I could go on a date sometime soon!!

[lusciouskiwi]

I think what everyone else has written is great. It's hard to add anything else but one thing I will say - don't spend all evening talking about yourself. I want my date to ask me questions about myself - questions that show an interest in me and are somewhat thoughtful not some huge vague question like "How's it living in Asia?" Yeah, that was well thought out. It's not that I don't want to hear about you, I do, believe me, but I don't want a one-way conversation that only consists of me asking you questions about yourself and you never returning the favour. If you can't be bothered to learn a bit about me, then don't bother me.

I think for the first, where ever it is (the park, a restaurant, the beach), I want it to be somewhere cosy and relaxing where we can easily talk. Mind you, that doesn't mean we couldn't go to a concert, but you get the general drift right? I want to feel that you want to get to know me and I want to get to know you.

I'm not used to having doors being opened for me so you'll have to stay on the ball. I'm not used to being fussed over so please, be patient. Just show me that you're interested in me and I'll show you the biggest sun-shiny smile possible.

I thought of one other thing - even if we've been together for 10 years, I still want you to ask me out on a date.

[Fatale]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!