Grieving

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

My Father passed away suddenly of a heart attack in 2000, and my beloved Grandfather 6 wks later. In November 2009 my Grandmother went to join them, and my Mother....my often imperfect, but always loving Mother passed this last Saturday the 22nd.

I have missed my Father and Grandfather every day since they left, but over time it became a warm glow I carried around with me everywhere I went. I honestly can't say if I will survive the latest loss....I know in my head I have to be here for my daughter and spouse, but the grief, the unending pain in my soul.....

Well I have indeed survived, but I cannot say the grief has become less; different, but not less. I still have such anger at my Mother for smoking and causing her health issues, with a seeming disregard of the people left to grieve. But yet, i have started to really think of her as a "person" and not just my Mom, and I have begun the process of forgiveness finally.

I miss her every day, but I try to think of the good memories now instead of the last years where the hospital and worry became my best friends. I know that in time I will carry her in my heart as a part of who I have become because of her, and every day when I think of her it will be only with love.