Recieving or saying hurtful......how do you deal with it

[Soft*Silver]

I say mean things sometimes. But I can vow that they are true things. And when i say a mean true thing, its something that needed said. And said that way. I only get mean when people dont hear me say things nicely. I had a wonderful therapist who actually showed me that when I say mean things, its because all my other efforts to being heard went unheard. Or disregarded. Ignored.

I have also discovered about this process, that if I am at this point, I need to leave. So I say what I must, how I must, and then I leave. In the past, it was much more emotional, dramatic and explosive. Now, its simply matter of fact and away I go.

Rare is it a case when I accidentally or unintentionally hurt someone's feelings with something I said. I examine where I went wrong. Sometimes it wasnt me. Sometimes they hear or interpret differently than I intended. But sometimes its my fault. And then I am aghast at the hurt I have caused.

When someone hurts me, if its intentional, I can be savage in response. Not necessarily verbally violent (tho I have been with a few people who have deserved it quite well) but pointed, sharp, and hard. If its not intentional, I am most able to shake it off and forgive and move on quickly. Both serve me well in coping with hurt.