Butch Pronouns - A Questionaire

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I continue to wonder why so many butches do not use the pronoun preferred slot under their name. Then this issue of people being insulted when someone uses the wrong pronoun for them could be avoided.

The reality (whether we want to see it or not), is that people have defaults, based on their experiences with butches (online and offline). I find it hard to believe that most people are purposely calling others by the wrong pronoun due to their own agenda as to what pronoun they believe should be the default pronoun for a butch.

I think it is unfair for someone to be upset if the wrong pronoun is used for them if they do not tell the member what to call them by using the preferred pronoun slot. It is not fair to expect that everyone will remember what pronoun you/someone else used to refer to you in a post long ago (that most likely, the person never even read).

Too, even if you use the preferred pronoun slot, give people a break who make a mistake. There are people who have not been online for many years and do not know that there is a possibility that people prefer one pronoun over the other (I would suggest that offline b/f communities, especially those who do not frequent b/f forums, use one or the other almost exclusively).

I think that until we know otherwise, lets give people the benefit of the doubt (especially if you do not use the preferred pronoun slot). I know I appreciate it when someone uses it.

With all of that said, I have heard butches say that there are times that people know their preferred pronoun, yet insist on calling them by the speaker's preferred pronoun for butches. I see this as unexcusable. Like most things in life, it is all about intent.

One last thing, when talking about the above, I am obviously referring to times when one does not have the opportunity to ask the person's preferred pronoun before using a pronoun for the person (assuming the person has not used the pronoun slot).

Dapper gets the prize for using the word 'pronoun' the most times (correctly) in one post.

I wanted to show up and basically agree with every one. The first two parts I have bolded above make perfect sense to me. I have in the past used the pronoun space or not, mostly not. It is not to confuse, but I just don't get all wound up about it if someone who doesn't know me picks whatever is handy. People who know me beyond posts, or have seen me post over time will know that I prefer gender neutral and that there are plenty of choices that are non-specific. If it is more comfortable for the other person to use gender specific pronouns, I would trend toward male. It fits in my head better as it is how I ID to myself.

To that end, at least for now, I have filled in that slot. We have a lot of new folks on the site and I can see where if they are new to BF terminology or gender politics it could make them more comfortable if they want to address me. I don't know how long it will be there but it is now.

The third portion I bolded above is something I have also experienced. I put it in the same category as other forms of willful disrespect.

Originally Posted by Parker

Bouncing off of Dapper's thoughts: and if the butch has a preferred pronoun on their profile, but the wrong pronoun is accidentally used, it is not meant as an insult when that butch corrects the person speaking to them.

Agreeing here also, but mostly using this as a springboard to ask Parker something I've wanted to know for a while but keep forgetting to ask. You list your preference as 'She, of course!' (currently and for a while now), my question is why use the 'of course' part? To me when looking at a butch's profile there is no assumed default. I would see it more useful for a femme (don't take that the wrong way) just because I don't see femmes IDing as male. Anything is possible though.

The way I read it is as: Of course it is She, what else would it be? Well, with butches it could in fact be male as another option. Am I reading it incorrectly?

BTW, in no way does your choice bother me, I simply do not understand it. Curious minds and all...

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

<snip>

I always use the pronoun the person prefers if I know it. I will ask if I don't and it's an option or I will refrain from using a pronoun if I don't know it.

Good policy and one I use too.