Femmes Who Strap <3

[hagster]

Sex doesn't make us who we are; doesn't make us butch or femme or gay or straight. You like cock or you don't. Hand held or strapped or any other form it comes in. Why does giving or receiving make anyone more or less than in any given identity? Lots of femmes don't like taking cock and lots of butches don't strap and neither makes anyone less than. How we express ourselves sexually is individual and has no correlation to identity-based personal value. To award that based solely on who fucks whom is buying into the wrong set of standards.

This judgment is part of the hetero patriarchy that so many of us refute and abhor and to use those same standards with each other is assinine. Women are weak, men are strong; to receive is weakness, to give is power. In the straight world, pegging isn't talked about because real men don't get fucked. In our world, the negative reactions to femmes strapping and butches taking it are rooted in those same stale morals and gender definitions. It's ok to say 'no thanks' but it's not ok to make a comment that belies those negative social mores. Sex isn't about power unless that's predetermined between those involved. Why can't it just be about feeling good?

And oh yeah, as a butch, I'd melt if I saw that coming towards me.

[TruTexan]

I think a femme that straps-on would look totally hot and would make me swoon too!! and the sex..........oh soooooo haaawwttt!! woohooo!!

[Gemme]

I agree with Snowy and hb, in terms of how it's perceived and how it's used as a shaming tool. Very few of my partners have been open to femme cock and/or asked for it.

Unlike Snowy, it's not something that I need to add to my repertoire for complete satisfaction, but I see the shaming and 'eww'ing from time to time and it feels shitty even from outside the bubble.

[Cin]

Originally Posted by hagster

to receive is weakness, to give is power.

It is true that this is how many look at sex. There is no shortage of sexist and misogynistic people that's for sure. Fortunately they don't run my sex life. I prefer to give, but since I take all my cues from my partner it's hard to believe that I am actually the one with the power or even the control really. The illusion is that I'm have the power, that I'm in control, but it's not the reality. I probably have more power when I'm on the receiving end. But anyway I have no problem receiving when I'm in the mood. Truthfully, I am not always open to receiving, I'm just not wired that way. But when I am interested in receiving, I love to be fucked. Fuck me silly thank you very much. I'm not big on receiving oral sex. It feels like too much focus on me. I can't concentrate that hard. Love to give it though. But when it's me being done bring on the femme cock. That's how i like it. Penetration is what works best for me. However, most things are negotiable. And it's not a requirement that my partner strap. There's more than one way to fuck this butch. But if she likes to strap, that's really hot. It's funny I don't look at it as butch cock when I strap, I don't see it as an extension of myself. But calling it femme cock when a partner straps, that makes me smile.

[candy_coated_bitch]

Yes, yes, yes on the seeing and experiencing Femme Cock shaming and "ewwwing". It really pisses me off and I try and speak up about the fact that I have a cock whenever it seems like people need to check their assumptions at the door. I mean, how could someone who looks cute and girly use and identify with a cock, right? *facepalm*

I have strapped since my first ever sexual relationship when I was a teenager. It's always been "normal" to me. My boyfriend was a cisman and a lot older and he asked me to strap with him, so I did and I really liked it. Over time, I came to really identify with my cock and wanting to being the one that penetrates and fucks, and there is a lot of gender shit bound up in there that I think Femmes RARELY ever get to talk about. My cock is essential to me, and is a part of my identity. I would love to see Femme cock talked about openly and freely.

I was never SHAMED for it, though, until I came into the Butch/Femme community. The online shaming is particularly bad, I agree with that. Though I have been shamed in r/t and seen my partners shamed in both forums (for lack of a better word). I have been worried about being honest about being open about that aspect of my sexuality before due to these experiences. These days I give less of a shit except for where I feel it's necessary to speak up and be visible, and lend my solidarity as a Femme and also to feminine women being sexually empowered in general.

It gets really tiring to STILL see certain sex activities being AUTOMATICALY labeled as masculine or feminine or dominant or submissive or any combination thereof. For me, my cock is very much wrapped up in my experience as a Dominant--but that's my experience of it. And I have never been less Femme for strapping, nor ever seen my partners as less Butch or less of a man.

I will leave it at that for now, but I really look forward to more conversation and will try to come back at another time when I feel more able, to talk about Femme cock and gender.

[Martina]

It's kinda reassuring to read this re the shaming -- sadly. Sometimes I think this stuff is just me, being overly sensitive, or framing things too often in terms of some ism or another. But it really does happen, doesn't it?

The worst I ever got in this community, offline and on, was not re femme cock but when I first dated a femme (here in CA). Real "ewwwwws" from people who ought to know better. Lots of them. The worst of it is that a few people weren't nice to the woman I was seeing. Oh well. Old news.