Femmes Who Strap <3

[DapperButch]

I talk about what I like in bed even before the first date if I think I am going to like the person. For me though this is about being Stone. I tell them what that means for me (my boundaries) at the first date if I think things are going to go somewher. I would have no interest in dating somebody who isn't sexually compatible. So, if you decide that strapping is a "need to have" in your sexual relationships, then only date those people. Things get complicated if you don't tell people prior to getting attached.

Originally Posted by jools66

Hi everyone,
This is a brilliant subject.
If I had to label myself, it would be maybe as a soft butch.
But labelling is not something I care for.
Having been someone who as strapped, and who has been on the receiving end to, I have to say I really enjoy both.
To me its about what the other person likes and how it makes them feel as much as my own needs and desires to.
I would like to think that a person I choose to have a relationship with would be open to new experiences.
Even if it was to try it once.
Having said that, I would never make someone do anything that they absolutely didn't want to do.
I have felt ashamed on occasions for bringing up the subject of me wanting to strap for someone who was more butch than me.
This I found a very uncomfortable feeling, and their negative reaction prompted me to never talk about it ever again with them.
This felt like I had to hide what I really wanted and I felt restricted.
I truly felt by their reaction that I was less of a woman somehow.
That it wasn't my place to ask for what I needed and wanted.
I had my role, and it wasn't to be deviated from.
The consequences of this reaction was that I really feel with future lovers, that its a should I ask for it or not dilemma.
This is something that you shouldn't have to even need to repress.
But yet you feel ashamed to request it because of a negative reaction.
My first gf wasn't even bothered about me strapping, she liked it, and l liked her doing it to.
We should all be able to feel free enough to explore new things with the person we are with.
Its just hard to know what their judgement of you will be if its something that you have never approached before, even if you think you know that person pretty well.
And sometimes its just embarrassing and intimidating to bring the subject up if your not that confident.
And this shouldn't be the case in this day and age, but sadly its still a reality.
For me personally, well I have now come to terms with the fact that I'll be damned if I am not able to say and ask for what I want.
Is just a question of approaching it in a comfortable way so that the other person doesn't feel like they are under pressure to do it, or to think that if they don't its going to be a major issue.
I am interested to know more about this femme cock topic that so many of you are talking about.
Please enlighten me.
Great post btw

[jools66]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I talk about what I like in bed even before the first date if I think I am going to like the person. For me though this is about being Stone. I tell them what that means for me (my boundaries) at the first date if I think things are going to go somewher. I would have no interest in dating somebody who isn't sexually compatible. So, if you decide that strapping is a "need to have" in your sexual relationships, then only date those people. Things get complicated if you don't tell people prior to getting attached.

Hi dapper,
You are way more confident and know who you are than some other people.
Some people like myself would not be so confident to bring this kind of subject up with someone on a first date.
I would never approach that subject until I knew the person, but seeing what you wrote has given a new perspective on things.
Your approach is less complicated, and honest.
Maybe it cuts all the wasted time out, but I have to wonder if by doing this you may lose a potential good friend in the long term.
If you get along with that person and you bring this up, and you said no this is what I like and that's it, you may alienate someone who would become a very cherished important person to you.
This is just my way of thinking, but again dapper, I can see that your point of view makes sense to

[Daisy Chain]

Gosh.....where to start..?

So many points I can think of.

OK, in no particular order. I agree with Dapper in that I think its important to know what each others wants, needs, likes, dislikes, boundaries and deal breakers are in the bedroom..{or over the kitchen table etc etc..}. It would be pretty soul destroying to date/interact for any length of time, grow close to someone and have hopes of being together only to discover that sexually you were incompatible. For me it wouldnt have to be on or before the first date but fairly soon after.

In a personal reflection.....and with respect this is specific to me...as an old school Femme....I am often expecting {and happily so..no martyrdom here} that there is a fair chance the Butch I was drawn to may be stone. And can see a stone Butches need to make this clear from the get go, the same as a stone Femme would/may want to also. I myself would not claim being stone as a label...I am fluid with this. I am stone if my partner requires it, it is of no major importance to me either way. There is a whole wonderful world of pleasure out there to be enjoyed in many many ways is my point here.

For me personally, I have never, nor wish to strap. I am certain it would feel completely alien to me. Equally, for Femmes who enjoy to, I celebrate and support your choice to.

What I think is of real importance is knowing you have the absolute right to feel able to say that something is either very important to you to have in a relationship or that something is unacceptable. Please dont ever let anyone shut you down in stating your personal preferences.

As for thinking you may loose a potential good friend in the process. Wouldn't such straightforward honesty be a firm building block in the beginning of a friendship ? And if you were to be `only friends` after testing the water on a romantic level it should make no difference to that friendship at all what the details of each others sexual tastes are.

Be true to yourself and proud of who you are, whether that be a stone Butch, strapping Femme, a switch or any of the many many other identities we may or may not be at any given time on our journeys, with or without any given partner.

Thank you for reigniting this interesting topic.

Daisy

[Poss]

me wearing a strap-on!

As I read through this thread, a nagging thought kept popping up 'GET ME OUT OF HERE!' I'm glad I didn't because this is a topic being discussed between my partner and I at the moment.

Neither of us have ever had anything to do with them before. I don't know what the concept of 'packing' means or a woman having a 'hard on' is. What I do know is, that since my partner and I started talking about them; my partner is more and more frequently coming up behind me and thrusting into me repeatedly, as if she's already wearing one.lol It really turns my on when she does this too. I'm like 'come on, I'll race ya to the bedroom' ...and off we bolt.lol

We are actually looking at buying one. We have google searched them and are discussing what would best suit our needs and desires. There is a lesbian sex toy shop in Melbourne where we are intending on buying it. I'm thinking of ringing ahead to talk with the owner before we venture there.

I have never been in a sex shop or anything like that in my life before, so it's a bit scary and intimidating to think of going in there. I do want us to see all the different kinds there are and make this purchase together. It's a very personal and important item for us to buy, so I don't want to buy it over the internet.

What's made my mind boggle at this thread, is the thought of me wearing it. We have spent the whole time discussing my partner harnessing it on and penetrating me, not the other way around. I really hope my partner doesn't want me to strap it on because I am not wanting to at all. What's bothering me is that my partner may very well want me to, just so she knows what its like for me.

My partner is butch, dominate and on top. I'm femme, submissive and on the bottom ...and that's how I like it. Even when my partner rolls me on top of her sometimes, she's still in control and continues deeply penetrating me. I sexually touch my partner too, but it's not in the same way. I know I'm going to have to ask my partner this question, but what if she says 'yes'?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Poss

but what if she says 'yes'?

Be honest with her. You have a right to set a sexual boundary, just like she, or anyone else does.

You can tell her you are not interested in that. Full stop. End of story.

Or, you can say you don't see yourself interested in it, but you are open to seeing how you feel after you all get it and she wears it. The other thing to remember is that even if you are the one wearing the strap on, she can still be in control.

There is nothing wrong with either of the above responses. It is ok if it is a firm no from the beginning. People should never puts themselves in uncomfortable situations in order to please their partner. Some things just don't "feel right", and that is ok.

Definitely talk to her about it before you buy it. Then you can let go of that anxiety, or any barriers that would impact an otherwise fun time while buying it.

[Poss]

Your reply makes all the sense in the world, but then there's me!

The thing is that I have done and will do again ...put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to please my partner. This is no reflection on my partner at all and has to do with the way I am. I really love pleasing her even if I am apprehensive about whatever it is that I'm about to do.

I thought about this dilemma since I posted it. If my partner asks me to wear it, I have decided that I will. I’ll let her know that I feel awkward about it, but that I’m prepared to do this for her. Basically my desire to please my partner is way stronger than the thought of me saying no.

I really hate having to hold the heifer’s heads tight in the cattle crush whilst my partner dehorns them. Their blood gushes out all over my face, my legs feel like jelly and I cry. These days, I get down on my knees, turn my head to the side of the cattle crush and hold the halter tight for dear life …but my eyes still well up. After it’s all finished, my partner gives me a big bear hug, holds me tight and tells me how much she loves me and appreciates what I do for her.

So in the scheme of things, strapping on isn’t really that big of a deal right? Well I sure hope not. I guess I’ll soon find out. I might be going through this for nothing, because my partner might balk at the thought of it …if I’m lucky. I don’t feel so worried now, so I’ll just wait and see after we buy one. If she asks me to strap on for her, I will.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Poss

Your reply makes all the sense in the world, but then there's me!

The thing is that I have done and will do again ...put myself in uncomfortable situations in order to please my partner. This is no reflection on my partner at all and has to do with the way I am. I really love pleasing her even if I am apprehensive about whatever it is that I'm about to do.

I thought about this dilemma since I posted it. If my partner asks me to wear it, I have decided that I will. I’ll let her know that I feel awkward about it, but that I’m prepared to do this for her. Basically my desire to please my partner is way stronger than the thought of me saying no.

I really hate having to hold the heifer’s heads tight in the cattle crush whilst my partner dehorns them. Their blood gushes out all over my face, my legs feel like jelly and I cry. These days, I get down on my knees, turn my head to the side of the cattle crush and hold the halter tight for dear life …but my eyes still well up. After it’s all finished, my partner gives me a big bear hug, holds me tight and tells me how much she loves me and appreciates what I do for her.

So in the scheme of things, strapping on isn’t really that big of a deal right? Well I sure hope not. I guess I’ll soon find out. I might be going through this for nothing, because my partner might balk at the thought of it …if I’m lucky. I don’t feel so worried now, so I’ll just wait and see after we buy one. If she asks me to strap on for her, I will.

I don't know, Poss. What I am hearing here is that you are willing to put your partner first, even if it is to your own detriment. That really isn't healthy....for either of you.

It is one thing to say you feel awkward but are still willing to give it a go, but it hearing it side by side with someone that is horrid for you, but is something that MUST be done is really uncomfortable for me.

Sexual acts shouldn't be equated to having to do something that is hard, yet needs to be done.

When your partner says she loves you and thanks you for helping her with the cattle's head it is because it is a necessary evil. I can't imagine that your partner would want you to strap on for her if she knew that your discomfort in doing this is not as bad as it is with the cattle, but that it is a similar process.

Maybe I am off here.....all I can tell you is that reading that you would do something sexual that seems to be quite uncomfortable to you, only to make your partner happy, actually makes me feel a little ill. I am imagining how horrible I would feel if I knew my partner did something she didn't want to do just to please me. It would feel like I am violating her, I think.

I can't imagine any healthy partner wanting you to do that for them.