A straight girl enters the queer world...

[DaddysKitten]

I have a dear friend of mine who has recently entered into a relationship with a trans-man. She's never had any sort of alternate relationship with anything other than bio-men, and is struggling, though she won't openly admit it.

I myself was straight when I met my trans-man, but I was raised by lesbians therefor always had a base understanding of the lifestyle, though by all means did this make me an expert or even experienced, but I'm finding giving her advice difficult, truly.

She seems to lack so much of the basic knowledge, yet feels her 'love' for him, is enough. When I first met my Daddy, I was a sponge for information. For those few who remember me from the other B-F forums with him, I was constantly posting, asking questions, getting involved in discussions, and I learned so much, and it helped me to truly learn about him, his doubts, his worries, his concerns, and all of those things he faces every day, that I would have been oblivious to. And my ability to educate myself, created a portal into him, more thoroughly.

I find she is caught up more in her 'love' for what he offers her, especially since as Daddy puts it, trans-men and butches have a way into a woman that a bio-male could never even begin to attempt. And I'm at a loss for advice to give her. So I have a few questions.

1. How important is the full understanding of trans-gender mentality and needs to be a complete partner to someone who is trans?

I find she bounces back and forth with her pronouns for him as well. Referring to him more as 'her or she' than 'him or he'. This tells me she really doesn't understand, or take this seriously.

She leans on me, knowing my history as well, but I find myself at a loss to really 'knock' the information into her, to make her understand him as well as I understand my Daddy.

The second part of my issue, is that her lover, is highly emotional, and takes a lot of things really really personal, that aren't meant to be. So we have a straight girl clueless of the trans mentality, with a trans-man who has a very hard time accepting that she doesn't know everything, that in fact, she is quite ignorant of it all. Yet, she seems to manipulate her often into making her feel like she is such a horrible person for saying and feeling the way she does at times.

Sadly, we are dealing with two people who lack a lot of self worth and self-esteem. But, I do believe there is a sense of real love between them, though Daddy seems to disagree, he knows the female party better than I do. But I want to be a good friend for her, and help her. I'm just finding myself at a loss.

I have tried the tough love, get it through your damn head, approach. And I have tried the kind loving approach, neither of which seem to make her see the big picture.

Any help with this would be appreciated.

Thanks BF!