PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

I think my last couple of threads I've been hanging onto have finally broken today. I just can't take no more, I am no longer the resilient child I once was long ago.

Try and relax, sleep if you have to.

Things will get better, they always do.

Sending love and light!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Everyone here is in my constant thoughts and prayers.

[JustBeingMe]

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Everyone here is in my constant thoughts and prayers.

Oh thank you Andrew, you too!

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

Hey, at least you are hanging in there, thank you for checking in!

My PTSD is kind of kicked up with the flood and how tense everything is and has been. In addition to helping who I can, my therapist made me promise to do soem things for me. Can't be a long bubble bath though...water is rationed since we lost one water treatment plant.

I am very weepy and feel guilty we were not affected as much as others were.

I love you guys! Have a peaceful weekend.

[PearlsNLace]

Night terrors can be bad for me. When I sleep alone.

It use to be worse, Id wake up under the kitchen table with a knife in my hand, not knowing how I got there, and having to do a body check to find where the blood was comming from.
I have not had that happen in years. It helps that with the exception of below the knees, I feel my body pretty much. Even all the way down to my toes there is significant improvement. I need to remember to be greatful for that next time Im being tickled on the bottoms of my feet.

Usually now when I sleep alone, I just wake up all cockamamie position with an annoying mess of blankets and pillows on the floor. Exhausted.

I havent hurt a bed mate in almost a decade. In fact, I sleep better with another body in the bed. I hope to never be single again. But if I do Im getting a large dog with a propensity for hogging the bed, and snuggling.
( I have one of those NOW< but she goes with the guy Im with.> Id rather keep them both hehehe)

I did have a crap load of panic attacks, wich happens sometimes when some new memory fits into place, recently. I was relieved that the attacks pretty much receeded after I took my RN boards. I dont relish the idea of new memories to pop up. Should that happen, im plopping my round arse firmly back into therapy somewhere. And if things dont gel with that therapist, damnit I will continue to look for one that does. I have learned that if Im not showing progress in a couple of months, to change treatment, even it that means change therapists. (with appropriate closure, and communication as to why) This may not be for everybody, this is just my journey.

I have recovery and step work which really has helped me deal with a LOT of my stuff. It has been instrumental in helping me be a survivor, not a victim.
It also helps me deal with my symptoms. Cause I can be pretty hard on myself when I get really symptomatic. I loose patience with my panic attacks, and my flashbacks, and get angry that they are happening.

I dont like to spill this crap out. Im dealing with some body issues right now. And some cold hard fear. I know for a fact that when I loose weight Im scared, its directly related to my trauma. Yet I also want a baby. I need to loose a significant amount of weight to have a healthy pregnancy now that Im in my late 30s. I had a miscarriage at 12, that of course, is part of the trauma too. So, anyway, I wanted to subscribe to this thread cause I get it. Im dealing with it too. So thanks for hearing a bit of my crap. Is kind of good to remember the stuff that WORKS for me. It be great to hear other coping skills. Glad this thread is here.


kinda feeling shy now~ thanks for reading.

[Apocalipstic]

Hey there P&L and welcome!

I have some of the same issues around weight, totally understand!

So glad the achievements you have made are helping with the PTSD. Mine comes and goes depending on what is going on in my life.

Thank you for sharing, you have so much great insight into things that help!

xoxoxo

J

[DamonK]

I have several issues rleated to previous trauma.

I loathe crowds. Although I'm excited, the thought of going to the Reunion makes my blood run cold and makes me want to hide under a table or something. I know my dislike of crowds is associated with lowered self esteem due to...issues in the past, as well as my deafness.

I have horrible nightmares. I've had the same one for almost a year now. No amount of reassurance calms me for the next day afterwards, and I will hear the sounds of the dream for a week.

I used to SI. The last time I did that was a little over a year ago, and for a few hours, that time, it was thought that I'd broken my hand.

I used to be a drug addict. I was a pill popper. My favorite pill was xanax when I could get it. Ritalin was a close second. Either of those combined with pot was awesome.

I used to drink. A lot. I used to go to work drunk. One day I scared myself.


So, sometimes I wonder, with all I've faced, how I came out on the other side? I'm still marked. I'm still scarred. For me, it's the knowledge of all I've survived through. Someone once told me, "You beat impossible odds to become a responsible, caring person."

Maybe I didn't experience the physical abuse. Maybe there was never a mark on my body from what happened to me. I learned to loathe myself. For years, I wouldn't look in a mirror.

Now, I can look in a mirror. And I don't loathe myself any longer.

[Jet]

Hello all,

Just touching base with this journey in progress. The suffering and subsequent PTSD initially occurred from an ordeal that lasted less then three minutes. It was about two days before friends came over and took me to the hospital. The memory and flashbacks of those two days of being highly-traumatized have come back in "sections" so to speak. I'm glad to tell you that everything is out except for one "piece" or section, if you will. It is the piece when trauma was at its peak. When it comes front and center, I believe that 17 years of suffering and leading a "pseudo life" will be over.

I have not known what it is to feel normal or like myself for almost two decades. And that is sad and riveting because as I've aged I hadn't recognized myself. And I didn't because I had done everything to live outside myself, completely denying that what happened didn't happen. With that, I created a sort of co-life for myself as a way to survive and lived on auto pilot ignoring neurological damage, painful shock and extreme fear. Its; the most dangerous thing I could do. And trust me, when I tell you, my psuedo life ran the extremes. I spent 11 years in seclusion, for the most part, and did everything to become straight and feminine, and the person I thought God and everybody expected me to be.

It made me crazy. And the first step was to go back and search for me as I was, as I am created, and as I am innately made. I have crossed rivers and valleys and mountains of guilt, self-punishment, denial, anger and that ungodly, unceasing fear.

Fear, fear, fear.

Again, I fear what's coming next—that brief moment in time when I caved and they rushed me to the hospital. From that moment on, came unconscionable physical suffering in my sternum (shock area), fear and misery. The fear was so bad at one time, it locked my jaws and an oral surgeon has unlock them. there were days I couldn't a coffee cup because of shock not to mention the horrible dry mouth from fear trying to pour out of me a from some level or memory that I had pushed away.

And to think I tried to work at the corporate level for six years? This ordeal ruined my life and took everything from me because I spiraled; I couldn't handle anything outside of my psuedo life, and my life worsened as time went on. I resigned from one job because of the pressure mixed with this condition, and I lost a second corporate job because I fell asleep in staff meetings from being over-medicated. Medication is only about a quarter of what I'm doing do to reclaim my life and myself. I have to face, completely, everything that happened to break the chains of fear.

I ask to ask myself are you a coward? How much more do you want to lose? Is it worth the pain and the unknown you'll face? My family did all they could to help, so did my friends, now it was up to me because this can't be "medicated away". I knew all along it had to be faced, I had to grips with what happened.

So the journey continues with facing that terrible moment when I thought I had ceased to exist—and there was only that abnormal, unnatural fear. I didn't realize that facing my suffering would mean facing all of what happened. But it does in order to get it out of my system. I'm staying meds and walking with God on this. And I hope I have reason to celebrate as victorious soon.

[tuffboi29]

Well Ladies and Gents,...



I decided it was time to check in and also check up on ya'll too.For the first time in forever it seems i just may be winning this battle.Therapy is starting to kick in and I'm even thinking of intensifing it by going to more sessions per week.There is a new study out to help lesson the night terrors also that I am currently in the works of persuing(when i get the name of it I'll let you guys know).I still REALLY need to get more sleep but am happy to report that I've gotten my appetitie back (3 meals a day!!wowza!!) and can now sleep for a little longer that 4 hours at a time at night.Before i was only getting 1-3 hours tops and was more comfortable sleeping during the day which i just can't do with my responsibilities.I would like to end by saying this...Keep it up guys...if I can see the light at the end of my tunnel you can too.Lets keep encouraging each other.If I hadn't seen some of the post that I've read on this forum I'm not sure if my courage to combat this terrible thing would have stayed firm.YES!!...it's terrifing!!YES!!...this IS hard!!YES!!there is an end to it and a way to fight back!!...Stay strong and don't let this get the best of you because there are other things in life that deserve it much,much more.

And once again,thank you to everyone who posted even just one sentence.Know that I read it AND IT HELPED.THANK YOU ALL.

[tuffboi29]

Dear PTSD...(yes i know what thread im on)

.....slowly but steadily im beating you...you WILL go away....i have a new stratigy plan and action goals...and you cant get me in my meditations which i found is a new way to rest myself w-out sleeping...HAHA!!anyways i just thought i'd let you know that im goin to get you....so there!!

sincerely
a not as tired Tuff