Your relationship with your mom.

[C0LLETTE]

Most of us can write page after page about our mothers, relations with our mothers, mothers known and not known, loving, unloving, "abusive", "kind/benevolent", etc etc etc. And you know what? Ultimately it doesn't matter. If all goes according to plan, your mother will die before you and if you don't make peace with her while she's alive...one way or another...you just never get free and you're stuck with a big dark hole in your own life.

If you want to dwell on what wasn't right, do it fast, accept you'll never really know everything, accept that you're limited by your own prejudices and/or lack of info/detail, and move the fuck on to be the best person you can be.

Blaming imperfect people and blaming the dead is a losing, self defeating waste of your own life.

Meanwhile, if you have lots of happy loving memories, lucky you...cherish them and just let the rest go.

All the people you blame and rail against can't hear you any more. Make peace while you can and if you can't, accept that too...and move on...because another generation is just in the wings, waiting to blame you.

[Chad]

I have a good relationship with my mother and I show the appropriate respect to her.

[Angeltoes]

I have a terrible relationship with my mother. We're opposite personalities. I'm an introvert, she's an extrovert. I do forgive the horrible things she did to me as a kid and I know that she's sorry, but sometimes she starts to slip into that kind of behavior again. I want to love her from afar but she won't let me. I moved across the country from New York to Idaho and she followed me! I know she's sorry and wants to make up, but I just want her to leave me alone at this point.

[CherylNYC]

Sometimes bad people have children and it doesn't turn them into good ones. My parents are in that category. I've had nothing at all to do with my mother since some time in the mid 1980s. When she died a little over a year ago the world became a slightly safer place. I have no regrets.

[gotoseagrl]

I can only handle mine in very small, spaced out doses.

[Karysma]

I love my mom. She can be a little hard to take in large doses - but living in a different country mitigates that. She has a tendency to act helpless in situations and tries to get people to do things for her. I feel conflicted because part of me thinks she does actually lack the skills while the other part of me wants her to at least try to develop the skills. Recently she her health has taken a turn for the worse so I give her a lot more leeway... and I am mostly afraid of losing her. Being far away does not help that fear.

For the first 15yrs of my life we had a very turbulent relationship. I have chosen to forgive and forget.. and I think she has chosen to just forget. I think that because we are so similar has been a heavy factor in my decision not to have children. I just don't think I would be good at it.

[TruTexan]

I can love mine from a distance and in keeping 15 miles apart is still too close some days. I have to step back and disconnect my emotions when dealing with mom, I love her but she's toxic to me emotionally and mentally.
She's the type of person that isn't happy in her life, she's in fact miserable that things aren't better for her as she'd hope they would be. I know life hasn't been hard for mom, but that's not my fault and I'm tired of her taking her anger about life out on me. She does better when I'm not involved so much anymore. I have to take her in small doses when I"m around her or it becomes too much on me. And, my having ptsd and anxiety and depression doesn't help the situation for me to be better.

[Tuff Stuff]

Mother's Rock!... I love them all.

I miss mine a bunch

[hopelessromantic69]

We get along. She will be living with me after Christmas.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

Sometimes bad people have children and it doesn't turn them into good ones. My parents are in that category. I've had nothing at all to do with my mother since some time in the mid 1980s. When she died a little over a year ago the world became a slightly safer place. I have no regrets.

I agree Cheryl.

I have posted about my mother (and father) before.

I begrudge no one their good and loving mother. All children do deserve this.

Unfortunately, not all of us get one.

[Amulette]

My mom is a quintessential female CEO. Her ambition and ability to manifest are quite stunning. She is a formidable woman who goes after what she wants and gets it. She always said a woman can do what ever she wants in this world. That, is an inspiring lesson......

[Kätzchen]

My mother was always terribly kind, attentive and has always loved me and my siblings. She is very strong willed, which has served her well -- especially in light of having a complete break from reality, which she has recovered from in some ways, but will never be like she was before her complete mental break down. I love her and I care about her deeply. But I am careful too, to watch over my own personal well being because she has trouble respecting boundaries. Not just with me, but with others. She can be very difficult to deal with when it comes to honoring boundaries. I respect her wholeheartedly but I don't always get the same level of respect from her. When life between us becomes difficult, I feel pressure to keep myself in check because I know my siblings don't give her the respect she deserves and I want to make sure that I lead by example, which is difficult, no matter how the situation is dressed.

But, I love my mother. I know she's not who she used to be, but I love her for who she is. And even though she is not happy with me right now, I know we'll get through this latest boundary issue because I care about her feelings and I care about the two of us finding a way to work with each other, as mom and daughter. We've always been a team together, throughout life.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I agree Cheryl.

I have posted about my mother (and father) before.

I begrudge no one their good and loving mother. All children do deserve this.

Unfortunately, not all of us get one.

No self-pity here (maybe more than a touch) but mostly deep sadness at what never was and never will be.

My dad's funeral is Friday and my daughters and brothers gently suggested I not go.

I realized that somehow my mother has always identified with me and projected herself into me with a boatload of self-hate. She has no insight and always refused therapy.

I got my brother to tell me where my dad's grave will be, I will pay my respects after they are gone.

You must be thinking, "She must have done something awful". No, I never did.

As my mother told me once, my dad cried when I was born because I wasn't a boy.

It can only go downhill from there and it did.

[JDeere]

I have pulled away from my birth mother, these last few months, I had no idea and was not told by my half siblings, about who she truly is.

It's kinda sad that she is a bitter, ignorant, racist old woman. I can not associate with this in any shape or form, so I had to pull away.

[Chad]

More on my relationship with my mother. We are Texan's and that comes with a set of rules. Being polite is expected. I open doors for my mother, pay the dinner check, do her yard work and fix her car. I am the last surviving child and my father is gone so it is up to me to care for her and that is my pleasure. Hard work and respect were two big traits in my family and I believe they are good traits.
My mother is an awesome lady that has been a gift to me.

Originally Posted by Chad

I have a good relationship with my mother and I show the appropriate respect to her.

[Nattih]

I love and respect my mom. We are oil and water but determined to mix. She wants to select my life for me, because her opinion is that she always knows better than anyone else about anything *sigh*.

She is very outspoken and extroverted while I am very introverted and much more agreeable. Both of us are controlling, which is why we often clash. She thinks that someday I will stop "letting these butch women talk me into relationships with them."<- direct quote LOL

We have a complicated relationship but ultimately I am ok with it. I could have had a lot worse.