Relationships - What things do you want & need?

Chad · 11-28-2015, 07:56 PM

I have read the above wants and needs for relationships and I agree with many people. For example, I can live separately from my partner. I love my alone time. I also agree that there is no recipe for the perfect partner. There are some requirements though and some deal breakers.
A potential partner for me must be honest, nonsmoker, drug free, polite, kind hearted, genuine, and intelligent.

It would be a bonus if she was cultured, liked travel, was confident, and was at least a little bit of a foodie. As I said previously I enjoy humor.

Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

Liam · 11-28-2015, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

It is certainly easier to date someone who lives nearby. I'm not going to limit myself to doing the easy thing, though.

Chad · 11-28-2015, 09:29 PM

Liam,

Thank you for reading my post and sharing your thoughts.
Best wishes,
Chad

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam

It is certainly easier to date someone who lives nearby. I'm not going to limit myself to doing the easy thing, though.

angelface · 11-29-2015, 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liam

It is certainly easier to date someone who lives nearby. I'm not going to limit myself to doing the easy thing, though.

I agree, logistics shouldn't get in the way of finding love. Maybe I just like a challenge or I'm just hopeful that there is someone for everyone out there somewhere.

Chad · 07-10-2016, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

I have read the above wants and needs for relationships and I agree with many people. For example, I can live separately from my partner. I love my alone time. I also agree that there is no recipe for the perfect partner. There are some requirements though and some deal breakers.
A potential partner for me must be honest, nonsmoker, drug free, polite, kind hearted, genuine, and intelligent.

It would be a bonus if she was cultured, liked travel, was confident, and was at least a little bit of a foodie. As I said previously I enjoy humor.

Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

Update:

I decided not to be so rigid about LDRs as a starting point. The rest of my post is spot on.

JDeere · 07-30-2016, 08:12 PM

Affection, not sex, just affection like hand holding, cuddles and kissing.

IT'S NOT THAT HARD LADIES, SHEESH!

Chad · 07-20-2018, 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chad

Update:

I decided not to be so rigid about LDRs as a starting point. The rest of my post is spot on.

Update: no LDRs period.

Reach *BANNED* · 07-20-2018, 05:09 PM

Quite simply - a person who loves and accepts me for me. If I were to have that I would fly to the ends of the Earth to be near the one that gives it. Yes, there are qualities I look for in a potential partner. But, the love and acceptance? That is the foundation of it all.

RebelDyke · 07-20-2018, 06:25 PM

Respect, honesty, loyalty, and highly affectionate. Like almost giggling high school crush affectionate. Sneaking kisses by the sink or flirts from across the room. One who can appreciate a hot water bottle for their back, lol. Someone who is highly adaptable as well. But above all realistic expectations and admissions. I need someone who is not afraid to be vulnerable, and knows themselves well enough. (did i mention a talker on occasion as well?)

Am I asking too much?

Blade · 07-20-2018, 09:16 PM

Balance
Mentally, emotionally, financially, career, educationally, theologically, entertainment, sexually, maturity, culturally, goals, intent, yeah there is probably more but basically it's about balance

Sweet Bliss · 07-26-2018, 02:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blade

Balance
Mentally, emotionally, financially, career, educationally, theologically, entertainment, sexually, maturity, culturally, goals, intent, yeah there is probably more but basically it's about balance

Yes, coming from those finely balanced digits, tanned to perfection, I would expect no less.

Mine are scarred, veined, mismatched, strong but soft, but balanced? I'm lucky to put one foot in front of the other most days.

Kätzchen · 07-24-2018, 10:38 AM

There is a bunch of articulate posts by members on what they want and need in an relationship, in this forum thread. I enjoyed reading posts here.

I have dated off and on, with people I get to know locally. I've been in an number of relationships, over my lifetime. Some were awesome, other's were not so awesome.

I also have grown and evolved in terms of what I used to think I would want or need in any given type of relationship. For example, with the small circle of friends I have known here at home (ie, at work or in other private life type ways), we all know each other in up close and personal ways. Our bonds of friendship has lasted years and years, because we each know each other in ways which fosters trust, understanding, and an wide variety of other items which many feel is important in nurturing long time bonds of friendship (reciprocity, loyalty, etc).

As far as Romantic types of relationships, I have an set of expectations (which are many) that helps me to decide if it's wise to be involved with someone in romantic ways.

Some of those expectations are as follows (based on my own life experience and outcomes):

1) Be Honest. Tell the truth. Don't manipulate facts or so-called facts to support your position.

2) Don't monopolize my time or exert control. I'm allergic to domineering, controlling, manipulative personality issues.

3) Be Liberal, where politics is concerned.

4) Be Self Reliant (because I am, I value this trait highly).

5) Be kind. Be courteous. Be pleasant. Above all, be compassionate, yet humble.

6) Value an spirit of willingness to do the right thing, then do the right thing (as long as it brings no harm to others or yourself). This is an tricky thing to do because, in my opinion, on the surface, the premise of this type of thing basically speaks to an much larger social idea about perfection. To me, it's not about being perfect. It's about being able to "Do The Right Thing" when there seems to be no other way to decide the right thing to do. For example, if one spends an significant time getting to know another person and one sees that it just won't work out to be friends or to be in an romantic relationship, then I think it's better to let go and move on, rather than try to make something work that will never work out.

7) Be willing to understand that I have no need or desire to prioritize sex in an intimate relationship. I'm not opposed to an gratifying sex life, but I have been traumatized by past sexual offences committed against me. Don't expect me to be over those past offences. It's an part of my life that has scarred me. It hasn't ruined me at all, but it does serve an purpose in my life: It informs me of an person's intent toward me. If by chance I discover in an getting-to-know-you type of process that an person has undiscovered offensive sexual issues, then that person will not have any place in my life.

8) Value Safety in all facets of life.

9) As an reminder, I don't feel the need to be in an romantic relationship, at this time. I value the peace I feel in my current status of being single.

11-28-2015, 07:56 PM	#1
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,315 Times in 5,677 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Want and need I have read the above wants and needs for relationships and I agree with many people. For example, I can live separately from my partner. I love my alone time. I also agree that there is no recipe for the perfect partner. There are some requirements though and some deal breakers. A potential partner for me must be honest, nonsmoker, drug free, polite, kind hearted, genuine, and intelligent. It would be a bonus if she was cultured, liked travel, was confident, and was at least a little bit of a foodie. As I said previously I enjoy humor. Here is the bottomline these days, I am not going to get on a plane for the purpose of dating.

07-20-2018, 06:25 PM	#9
RebelDyke Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her/Hers...please no male ID..it's insulting Relationship Status: settled and content Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: oz Posts: 2,569 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,574 Thanked 3,224 Times in 1,574 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Respect, honesty, loyalty, and highly affectionate. Like almost giggling high school crush affectionate. Sneaking kisses by the sink or flirts from across the room. One who can appreciate a hot water bottle for their back, lol. Someone who is highly adaptable as well. But above all realistic expectations and admissions. I need someone who is not afraid to be vulnerable, and knows themselves well enough. (did i mention a talker on occasion as well?) Am I asking too much? __________________ *"Do it trembling if you must, but DO IT!" ~Emmet Fox* "The cave that you fear holds the treasure you seek" Please, cancel my subscription to your issues.

07-20-2018, 09:16 PM	#10
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,855 Thanked 14,415 Times in 4,058 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Balance Mentally, emotionally, financially, career, educationally, theologically, entertainment, sexually, maturity, culturally, goals, intent, yeah there is probably more but basically it's about balance __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

07-30-2016, 08:12 PM	#6
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,836 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474864	Affection, not sex, just affection like hand holding, cuddles and kissing. IT'S NOT THAT HARD LADIES, SHEESH!

07-20-2018, 05:09 PM	#8
Reach BANNED Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Scammer. Preferred Pronoun?: Hy Relationship Status: Moratorium Join Date: Apr 2018 Location: Where the horses roam.. Posts: 1,369 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,019 Thanked 3,274 Times in 1,018 Posts Rep Power: 0	Quite simply - a person who loves and accepts me for me. If I were to have that I would fly to the ends of the Earth to be near the one that gives it. Yes, there are qualities I look for in a potential partner. But, the love and acceptance? That is the foundation of it all.

07-24-2018, 10:38 AM	#12
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow ツ Posts: 16,056 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,111 Thanked 33,514 Times in 10,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	There is a bunch of articulate posts by members on what they want and need in an relationship, in this forum thread. I enjoyed reading posts here. I have dated off and on, with people I get to know locally. I've been in an number of relationships, over my lifetime. Some were awesome, other's were not so awesome. I also have grown and evolved in terms of what I used to think I would want or need in any given type of relationship. For example, with the small circle of friends I have known here at home (ie, at work or in other private life type ways), we all know each other in up close and personal ways. Our bonds of friendship has lasted years and years, because we each know each other in ways which fosters trust, understanding, and an wide variety of other items which many feel is important in nurturing long time bonds of friendship (reciprocity, loyalty, etc). As far as Romantic types of relationships, I have an set of expectations (which are many) that helps me to decide if it's wise to be involved with someone in romantic ways. Some of those expectations are as follows (based on my own life experience and outcomes): 1) Be Honest. Tell the truth. Don't manipulate facts or so-called facts to support your position. 2) Don't monopolize my time or exert control. I'm allergic to domineering, controlling, manipulative personality issues. 3) Be Liberal, where politics is concerned. 4) Be Self Reliant (because I am, I value this trait highly). 5) Be kind. Be courteous. Be pleasant. Above all, be compassionate, yet humble. 6) Value an spirit of willingness to do the right thing, then do the right thing (as long as it brings no harm to others or yourself). This is an tricky thing to do because, in my opinion, on the surface, the premise of this type of thing basically speaks to an much larger social idea about perfection. To me, it's not about being perfect. It's about being able to "Do The Right Thing" when there seems to be no other way to decide the right thing to do. For example, if one spends an significant time getting to know another person and one sees that it just won't work out to be friends or to be in an romantic relationship, then I think it's better to let go and move on, rather than try to make something work that will never work out. 7) Be willing to understand that I have no need or desire to prioritize sex in an intimate relationship. I'm not opposed to an gratifying sex life, but I have been traumatized by past sexual offences committed against me. Don't expect me to be over those past offences. It's an part of my life that has scarred me. It hasn't ruined me at all, but it does serve an purpose in my life: It informs me of an person's intent toward me. If by chance I discover in an getting-to-know-you type of process that an person has undiscovered offensive sexual issues, then that person will not have any place in my life. 8) Value Safety in all facets of life. 9) As an reminder, I don't feel the need to be in an romantic relationship, at this time. I value the peace I feel in my current status of being single.