What do YOU need to feel loved?

imperfect_cupcake · 12-07-2015, 12:49 AM

My friends, my family, a kitty, a career that I love has made the biggest difference in my life ever. I get people I can help with pain, I touch people I helpful, non-hurtful, non-sexual ways all day - for many it's the first time they have experienced that. I love introducing people to new touch, especially if they have difficulty with touch. I know how much it can change brain chemistry, and I think it's important. As someone who was trained as a primatologist, I know how important touch is to our functioning as primates. Our brain chemistry changes for the better even when we think we don't need it, so getting a very good, well trained massage (non-invasive) eases stresses when we don't have regular touch in our lives.

The care I can bring my patients and the respect I get back I can't tell you much that matters in my life. I used to suffer from depression, stress, feeling like I wasn't any use or that I wasn't good enough... Became codependent in relationship by tiring myself out trying to be useful to others and killing myself in the process, trying to get praise and a sense of value. Work certainly didn't give it to me - bosses and line mangers were awful, when I worked in service industry customers were rude and sometimes down right cruel.

Now I work with people who are genuinely interested in what I can do to help. And actually doing something that stops pain by adjusting their bodies is better than an orgasm.

So it affects how I feel in myself and how I feel with others. I still need cuddles from my friends, from my cat. I still need intimacy from my friends. But I'm way, way more happy single now and feel loved and appreciated and I'm not killing myself for someone anymore. My patience for bullshit is zero as well, because I know how easy it is to be single. Frankly, it's easier lol.

I've got a good family and good friends and an amazing career. Broke as fuck, mind. But I have my rent and bills paid and I can eat. So, I'm ok.

I do feel loved. I also feel I can take care of myself and it's not hard. Not a struggle.

Bubala · 12-07-2015, 10:26 PM

Just a little bit of time...

I'm independent. I'm a career woman. I'm intelligent and decently well educated. I'm a realist, I stand with my heels firmly on the ground. I can hold my own in the big boys business world out there. I take no BS and I do not back down.

Then again at the end of the day, when corporate lights go down, and our daily masks start to peal off, I make my way home. At the end of the day I am just a girl... I am a full blooded woman... I need you...

Pay attention, miss me....tell me that you've missed me... show me that you've noticed... Make me laugh, make me giggle like a little girl. Only you can make me giggle like that. Only you know the silly, crazy, stupid, childish side of me.

Talk to me, arouse my mind... calm my thoughts... Hold me like a child, hold me life a woman. Wrap your gorgeous hands around my waist and pull me in, closer, closer.... I want to hear your loud foreceful heartbeat. I want to inhale your scent. Disarm me with you gentle strength. Make me feel like a woman... I want to be loved, I want to be safe and protected, I want to be yours...your and no one else's. I want to be your girl, I want to be your lover, I want to be all woman for you...

That all... all I need to feel loved is just a little time...miss me, let me know you've noticed...Let me know you still care...

kittygrrl · 12-08-2015, 12:00 AM

kind, wise, love-unconditional, in sync

storyspinner70 · 12-08-2015, 12:02 AM

Don't ignore me. I am the quintessential babygirl in that aspect. My butch tends to tune me out:
1. because she doesn't multitask well
2. because I talk more than she is used to - or likes...lmao she's told me to shut up on more than one occasion. That I have no issue with.
3. because I need more of that type of attention than she's used to

But when she doesn't really listen to me it upsets me. I've always been like that. I'll even make people look right at me so I know they're listening to me if something is important. When she ignores me I feel...maybe not unloved, but unimportant. I know what she's like - this is my hangup, but it's a big one. She makes more of an effort to pay attention to me when I need it, and I make more of an effort to actually tell her "hey you need to stop ignoring me" and to accept her flaws instead of saying "I take her as she is, no matter what" but then actually not accepting who she is. I forget sometimes she can't read minds and has no idea what it's like to be needy in the way I am.

But there's so much else she does for me that I need: she takes care of me, she teaches me things I don't know, she makes me eat my vegetables when I come visit her cause my health actually matters, she makes me go to bed when I'm up at 4am when I shouldn't be, she reins me in when I get too cocky and arrogant, she loves me even when I'm unloveable, she ignores my sulking when I forget I'm not a jealous person and she puts me right back in line when I'm out of control.

These are the things I need to feel loved. One thing she mostly fails at. All the others, she mostly succeeds - better than anyone I've ever known.

JDeere · 01-26-2016, 08:31 PM

Little things, as I grow older I see that little things mean more than big things in the relationship but sex will always be a huge one for me.

12-08-2015, 12:00 AM	#3
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: blossom Relationship Status: Uranus will retrograde in Gemini Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,583 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,689 Thanked 22,129 Times in 7,202 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	kind, wise, love-unconditional, in sync __________________ "We're nine meals from anarchy"" Lewis

12-08-2015, 12:02 AM	#4
storyspinner70 Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: VA Posts: 355 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,366 Thanked 987 Times in 289 Posts Rep Power: 8681947	Don't ignore me. I am the quintessential babygirl in that aspect. My butch tends to tune me out: 1. because she doesn't multitask well 2. because I talk more than she is used to - or likes...lmao she's told me to shut up on more than one occasion. That I have no issue with. 3. because I need more of that type of attention than she's used to But when she doesn't really listen to me it upsets me. I've always been like that. I'll even make people look right at me so I know they're listening to me if something is important. When she ignores me I feel...maybe not unloved, but unimportant. I know what she's like - this is my hangup, but it's a big one. She makes more of an effort to pay attention to me when I need it, and I make more of an effort to actually tell her "hey you need to stop ignoring me" and to accept her flaws instead of saying "I take her as she is, no matter what" but then actually not accepting who she is. I forget sometimes she can't read minds and has no idea what it's like to be needy in the way I am. But there's so much else she does for me that I need: she takes care of me, she teaches me things I don't know, she makes me eat my vegetables when I come visit her cause my health actually matters, she makes me go to bed when I'm up at 4am when I shouldn't be, she reins me in when I get too cocky and arrogant, she loves me even when I'm unloveable, she ignores my sulking when I forget I'm not a jealous person and she puts me right back in line when I'm out of control. These are the things I need to feel loved. One thing she mostly fails at. All the others, she mostly succeeds - better than anyone I've ever known. __________________ So plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. ― Jorge Luis Borges

12-07-2015, 12:49 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My friends, my family, a kitty, a career that I love has made the biggest difference in my life ever. I get people I can help with pain, I touch people I helpful, non-hurtful, non-sexual ways all day - for many it's the first time they have experienced that. I love introducing people to new touch, especially if they have difficulty with touch. I know how much it can change brain chemistry, and I think it's important. As someone who was trained as a primatologist, I know how important touch is to our functioning as primates. Our brain chemistry changes for the better even when we think we don't need it, so getting a very good, well trained massage (non-invasive) eases stresses when we don't have regular touch in our lives. The care I can bring my patients and the respect I get back I can't tell you much that matters in my life. I used to suffer from depression, stress, feeling like I wasn't any use or that I wasn't good enough... Became codependent in relationship by tiring myself out trying to be useful to others and killing myself in the process, trying to get praise and a sense of value. Work certainly didn't give it to me - bosses and line mangers were awful, when I worked in service industry customers were rude and sometimes down right cruel. Now I work with people who are genuinely interested in what I can do to help. And actually doing something that stops pain by adjusting their bodies is better than an orgasm. So it affects how I feel in myself and how I feel with others. I still need cuddles from my friends, from my cat. I still need intimacy from my friends. But I'm way, way more happy single now and feel loved and appreciated and I'm not killing myself for someone anymore. My patience for bullshit is zero as well, because I know how easy it is to be single. Frankly, it's easier lol. I've got a good family and good friends and an amazing career. Broke as fuck, mind. But I have my rent and bills paid and I can eat. So, I'm ok. I do feel loved. I also feel I can take care of myself and it's not hard. Not a struggle.

12-07-2015, 10:26 PM	#2
Bubala Member How Do You Identify?: Lady Sunflower Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: San Fran Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 463 Thanked 1,671 Times in 615 Posts Rep Power: 9338276	Just a little bit of time... I'm independent. I'm a career woman. I'm intelligent and decently well educated. I'm a realist, I stand with my heels firmly on the ground. I can hold my own in the big boys business world out there. I take no BS and I do not back down. Then again at the end of the day, when corporate lights go down, and our daily masks start to peal off, I make my way home. At the end of the day I am just a girl... I am a full blooded woman... I need you... Pay attention, miss me....tell me that you've missed me... show me that you've noticed... Make me laugh, make me giggle like a little girl. Only you can make me giggle like that. Only you know the silly, crazy, stupid, childish side of me. Talk to me, arouse my mind... calm my thoughts... Hold me like a child, hold me life a woman. Wrap your gorgeous hands around my waist and pull me in, closer, closer.... I want to hear your loud foreceful heartbeat. I want to inhale your scent. Disarm me with you gentle strength. Make me feel like a woman... I want to be loved, I want to be safe and protected, I want to be yours...your and no one else's. I want to be your girl, I want to be your lover, I want to be all woman for you... That all... all I need to feel loved is just a little time...miss me, let me know you've noticed...Let me know you still care...

01-26-2016, 08:31 PM	#5
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,833 Times in 9,708 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Little things, as I grow older I see that little things mean more than big things in the relationship but sex will always be a huge one for me.