Living Apart, Together (LAT) A Support Thread

imperfect_cupcake · 01-09-2016, 07:36 AM

Here is a new film, a documentary, being made by a friend of a friend.
It's called "Apartners" which I believe is also a new term for it. She says on her film site that 25% of all couples in North America have their own room (common) and that 10% of all couples in North America prefer to live apart (that's the old gayer stats no? Maybe more will come out!)

Anyway, here's a link to her film website

http://apartnersthemovie.com/HOME.html

C0LLETTE · 01-09-2016, 09:52 AM

I wonder how many "apartners" have children, particularly young ones.

Living apart is sometimes a choice for those with children because they realise how difficult or disruptive introducing an "outsider" (with or without their own children ) can be...so they choose to wait.

Also, I have found that partners without children of their own often have difficulty finding their place in such a "family" . My own experience is that successful "step parenting" is a very particular and somewhat rare skill and can be far more difficult than parenting. and the introduction of the new partner often leads to the parent finding themselves in the middle of an unhappy series of conflicts which they sometimes resolve by splitting up or simply living apartnered till the children are no longer dependants.

Without generalising too too much:

When you're Young there can be many choices: if not this one, maybe the next one...you don't have that much stuff to move anyway.

In the Middle there can be many complexities and you better hope you've figured out who you are and, equally, who that other person is...particularly if you have responsibilities beyond yourself; or one day you lost your mind and opened a joint bank account, and, more importantly, you lost the allen key for your Ikea furniture.

In the Older Years, you are far better off partnering up even if it isn't made in Heaven cause there's nothing worse than lying on the kitchen floor just out of reach of your Panic Bracelet with your hungry Chihuahua starting to chew your leg off.

Personally, I'd pick a live-in partner with a sense of humour over the kids any day.

Mommy's joking, Honey xoxoxoxoxoxo

easygoingfemme · 01-09-2016, 09:55 AM

My last relationship was like this. We were together for three years. Living in different towns, each of us with our kids at home. We shared a house most weekends, and went our own way during the week. In many ways, it worked for us- like each of us liking/needing to have our own space for our own personalities, too many kids to merge and no desire to uproot them either, and in other ways it was hard. We didn't live close enough to each other to be able to meet up mid-week or something if one of us was in need- having a hard time. That kind of thing.

girlin2une · 01-09-2016, 10:12 AM

I have always made my kids priority while considering dating, because they are just that... my priority.
That being said, I am open to what the universe has for me... if that means a long distance relationship, then so be it. I am pretty flexible. I am femme (

) I would want to co-habitate (when/if the time came). It would be more consistent for any child involved, thus giving everyone involved more stability.
My children will always be part of the package and my potential partner will have to accept it. Hopefully a potential partner will want to incorporate parenting into the mix... because its not always easy being a single parent.

this has been a bit of a ramble... my thoughts were all over the place.

01-09-2016, 10:12 AM	#4
girlin2une Senior Member How Do You Identify?: submissive queer stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Canada Posts: 3,827 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,752 Thanked 3,845 Times in 856 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I have always made my kids priority while considering dating, because they are just that... my priority. That being said, I am open to what the universe has for me... if that means a long distance relationship, then so be it. I am pretty flexible. I am femme () I would want to co-habitate (when/if the time came). It would be more consistent for any child involved, thus giving everyone involved more stability. My children will always be part of the package and my potential partner will have to accept it. Hopefully a potential partner will want to incorporate parenting into the mix... because its not always easy being a single parent. this has been a bit of a ramble... my thoughts were all over the place.

01-09-2016, 07:36 AM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Here is a new film, a documentary, being made by a friend of a friend. It's called "Apartners" which I believe is also a new term for it. She says on her film site that 25% of all couples in North America have their own room (common) and that 10% of all couples in North America prefer to live apart (that's the old gayer stats no? Maybe more will come out!) Anyway, here's a link to her film website http://apartnersthemovie.com/HOME.html

01-09-2016, 09:52 AM	#2
C0LLETTE Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Depends on the day. Preferred Pronoun?: "I" and "we" Relationship Status: Very good. Thank you for asking. Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Canada Posts: 11,501 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,676 Thanked 15,174 Times in 4,341 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	I wonder how many "apartners" have children, particularly young ones. Living apart is sometimes a choice for those with children because they realise how difficult or disruptive introducing an "outsider" (with or without their own children ) can be...so they choose to wait. Also, I have found that partners without children of their own often have difficulty finding their place in such a "family" . My own experience is that successful "step parenting" is a very particular and somewhat rare skill and can be far more difficult than parenting. and the introduction of the new partner often leads to the parent finding themselves in the middle of an unhappy series of conflicts which they sometimes resolve by splitting up or simply living apartnered till the children are no longer dependants. Without generalising too too much: When you're Young there can be many choices: if not this one, maybe the next one...you don't have that much stuff to move anyway. In the Middle there can be many complexities and you better hope you've figured out who you are and, equally, who that other person is...particularly if you have responsibilities beyond yourself; or one day you lost your mind and opened a joint bank account, and, more importantly, you lost the allen key for your Ikea furniture. In the Older Years, you are far better off partnering up even if it isn't made in Heaven cause there's nothing worse than lying on the kitchen floor just out of reach of your Panic Bracelet with your hungry Chihuahua starting to chew your leg off. Personally, I'd pick a live-in partner with a sense of humour over the kids any day. Mommy's joking, Honey xoxoxoxoxoxo

01-09-2016, 09:55 AM	#3
easygoingfemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Lil' Miss Sassy Pants Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: My place by the river Posts: 3,692 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,023 Thanked 14,973 Times in 3,318 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My last relationship was like this. We were together for three years. Living in different towns, each of us with our kids at home. We shared a house most weekends, and went our own way during the week. In many ways, it worked for us- like each of us liking/needing to have our own space for our own personalities, too many kids to merge and no desire to uproot them either, and in other ways it was hard. We didn't live close enough to each other to be able to meet up mid-week or something if one of us was in need- having a hard time. That kind of thing.