Butches: how do you like to be treated on a date?

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

Recently I had a butch tell me they felt like a 'loser' when I opened the door for them. I honestly wasn't trying to prove a point. I got to the door first, so I opened it and held it open. I'm totally out of practice and don't remember the 'rules' anymore. How do other butchers feel about the door thing?

It would make me/has made me, uncomfortable, but I know that it shouldn't.

Originally Posted by Angeltoes

I don't mind people opening doors for me, but it's definitely a habit for me to reach for it as well. I hold the door for men, women, and children.

There is another thing. Some guy was staring at us holding hands in a department store and the butch started to chuckle and stare him down. I mean, don't you think that's a dangerous thing to do? I don't feel like getting assaulted or worse because someone was staring at us.

I don't know exactly how the butch did it, but I would just smile at the guy as if I didn't notice he was staring...but he would also know on some level that I knew that he was staring and that I thought he was a douche. It is kind of hard to explain.

Was it dangerous? My experience as a butch over the last 25 years is that I am very good at quickly deducing if it is a safe situation to "stare back", or an unsafe situation. You were in a department store. More likely than not, the guy was not going to come at your butch, right? It is all situational what you can do and still be safe. NOW, if my partner did not feel safe if I gave back a big ole, "fuck you" kind of smile, then I would not do it, and just pretend like I didn't notice the guy. There are really a number of variables to the "butch response" to people looking at them with disgust/anger they are with a femme.