Caregivers and Stress

[clay]

((((((((((((((((((((Kelt)))))))))))))))))))

You know I am with you on this...and send you user reps, but wanted to stand strong here as well.

This is no easy journey by any stretch of the imagination. The hardest part is on the caregiver...and the wait is really stressful.

The blessing is in that she can make her mind up even though she forgets after a bit. I think she is making wise decisions and you are able to support her in them.

Things will progress as they are supposed to, and I have really positive hopes for a good outcome for her. I send you energies for this journey....stay strong...and know I am always here for you....you are a wonderful

person....she must be so proud of you....hang in there my friend...blessings for mom & you...you both are in my heart & thoughts every single day...

Originally Posted by Kelt

Since we're not going to do anything reconstructive there won't be any binding post surgically, and apparently she's going to have pretty much full range of motion in her arm within a few days. Of course this all depends on how far they have to go with the lymph nodes, but it's expected to be a pretty smooth recovery. We are going to do some radioactive tags for lymph node mapping during the surgery to try and get all of the bad ones while sparing as many of the good ones as possible.

Then of course is when the fun begins. Three or four days after surgery we should get the pathology and then it's onward to oncology. Mom and I have been having some pretty good talks, (which she remembers for about an hour), about how far she wants to go with treatment. If the treatment can be handled with something like hormone blockers, a possibility, then that would be fine. If they recommend extensive or harsh chemo, she doesn't want to do it. She would want me to switch her to hospice comfort and care.

My main job at this point is to get her out of the hospital as soon as possible, it shouldn't be more than one night, and then to make sure she doesn't end up in a nursing home. After watching my father die in one of those last year, there is no way I'm going to let that happen to her.

To say I'm having a hard time with all of this would be an understatement. The "hurry up and wait" is the hardest part, there's just no way to know how this is going to go until we have the pathology report post surgically.

Surgery tomorrow morning.

<<<< Would like to crawl into a hole and pull it in over myself.

[Kelt]

I am happy to report that mom's surgery was quite successful. It went off without a hitch and the really great surprise was that most of the lymph nodes were already gone from her surgery 25 years ago we just didn't know it. My hope, confirmed as a possibility by the surgeon, is that that would have reduced the ability of the cancer to metastasize. It's still a waiting game for pathology and then oncologist, but at least there were no negative surprises during surgery.

After surgery? Never a dull moment.

Mom was pretty spun out with confusion afterwords, which I thought was going to be the case because she was in an unfamiliar environment with lots of things she didn't really understand. I thought we'd be OK for one night in the hospital but when I had to leave at 9 o'clock I was still afraid that she might wake up in the night and try to get out of bed to figure out where she was. I knew she wouldn't get far because her legs were tied to the bed with those things they put on to prevent blood clots . I had the staff set a bed alarm just in case so that if she tried to get out of bed and alarm would go off.

Well, she did try to get out of bed, got all tangled up in IVs and cords and things and took a fall. Fortunately she bounced instead of broke, (a small miracle given her osteoporosis), but she did manage to rip out her surgical drain. I got the call at 3:30 this morning to let me know what had happened and that while she was OKish, we would have to check in with the surgeon when he does his rounds to make sure I can still bring her home today. Like there's really any choice. What am I going to do, leave her there for another night? Have this happen again?

Obviously, I'm going to have to come up with something better for future field trips. I'm thinking the only way to handle this going forward is to get her a private room with somebody to sit up all night, probably me, to answer her questions when she wakes up so that she won't try to get answers on her own.

Oy vey!

I can go over there in a couple hours and see what's what. At least the surgery is done.

[Gayandgray]

My thoughts and prayers are with you! I know how hard it is to have a loved one sick. Hang in there!

[clay]

This is great news my friend...up until the fall...but also good news is no broken bones.

Those are compression hose to prevent blood clots.....

Caring for an elder loved one is no easy feat with dementia thrown into the mix...but you are doing wonderfully well with being there for her...I am sure she appreciates you for that in her heart & is grateful for you....

Hang in there my friend....I am walking in spirit with you buddy....hugs to mom...keeping you both in thoughts & well wishes....thanks for the update....

Originally Posted by Kelt

I am happy to report that mom's surgery was quite successful. It went off without a hitch and the really great surprise was that most of the lymph nodes were already gone from her surgery 25 years ago we just didn't know it. My hope, confirmed as a possibility by the surgeon, is that that would have reduced the ability of the cancer to metastasize. It's still a waiting game for pathology and then oncologist, but at least there were no negative surprises during surgery.

After surgery? Never a dull moment.

Mom was pretty spun out with confusion afterwords, which I thought was going to be the case because she was in an unfamiliar environment with lots of things she didn't really understand. I thought we'd be OK for one night in the hospital but when I had to leave at 9 o'clock I was still afraid that she might wake up in the night and try to get out of bed to figure out where she was. I knew she wouldn't get far because her legs were tied to the bed with those things they put on to prevent blood clots . I had the staff set a bed alarm just in case so that if she tried to get out of bed and alarm would go off.

Well, she did try to get out of bed, got all tangled up in IVs and cords and things and took a fall. Fortunately she bounced instead of broke, (a small miracle given her osteoporosis), but she did manage to rip out her surgical drain. I got the call at 3:30 this morning to let me know what had happened and that while she was OKish, we would have to check in with the surgeon when he does his rounds to make sure I can still bring her home today. Like there's really any choice. What am I going to do, leave her there for another night? Have this happen again?

Obviously, I'm going to have to come up with something better for future field trips. I'm thinking the only way to handle this going forward is to get her a private room with somebody to sit up all night, probably me, to answer her questions when she wakes up so that she won't try to get answers on her own.

Oy vey!

I can go over there in a couple hours and see what's what. At least the surgery is done.

[Rockinonahigh]

Boy did I ever mess up tonight, Since I have been down with both my knees being so bad and my back issues as well just today I finely couldn't even stand up to fix a simple bowl of oatmeal this morning so I ended up having a couple pieces of left over fried chicken for breakfast. I tried to fix dinner and still couldn't do it with the pain I am dealing with so I called my son to bring home some kind of take out for dinner. Any way before he went to bed I ask him to make a pot of coffee being he brought a fresh can of French silk coffee.
The last I made coffee was last Sunday and haven't cleaned pot since so it really needed a washing out first. He said "why haven't you cleaned the pot out it's nasty" then proceeded to dump the entire pot upside down in the sink, I mean the whole contraption. At that point I just sizzled with my Aries temper then tore everything out of the dish washer threw it on the counter or where ever it landed then stuck the taken apart pot and all the dirty dishes in then turned it on. I have been doing the laundry, still fixing meals plus doing all else I could do to the point I couldn't do any more, I knew I was over doing it but things needed to be done. The crap about the coffee pot just hit me wrong.
My son has gone to bed before I could appologise for being stupid, so I wrote him a note saying I was sorry incase I didn't get up before he left to say before he left. I know we will get past this cause we never or rarely have something like this come up...this is his first taste of being a care giver even in the smallest way and my first ever needing anyone to be one for me, it is a hard adjustment for me cause I always have been able to do it myself.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Boy did I ever mess up tonight, Since I have been down with both my knees being so bad and my back issues as well just today I finely couldn't even stand up to fix a simple bowl of oatmeal this morning so I ended up having a couple pieces of left over fried chicken for breakfast. I tried to fix dinner and still couldn't do it with the pain I am dealing with so I called my son to bring home some kind of take out for dinner. Any way before he went to bed I ask him to make a pot of coffee being he brought a fresh can of French silk coffee.
The last I made coffee was last Sunday and haven't cleaned pot since so it really needed a washing out first. He said "why haven't you cleaned the pot out it's nasty" then proceeded to dump the entire pot upside down in the sink, I mean the whole contraption. At that point I just sizzled with my Aries temper then tore everything out of the dish washer threw it on the counter or where ever it landed then stuck the taken apart pot and all the dirty dishes in then turned it on. I have been doing the laundry, still fixing meals plus doing all else I could do to the point I couldn't do any more, I knew I was over doing it but things needed to be done. The crap about the coffee pot just hit me wrong.
My son has gone to bed before I could appologise for being stupid, so I wrote him a note saying I was sorry incase I didn't get up before he left to say before he left. I know we will get past this cause we never or rarely have something like this come up...this is his first taste of being a care giver even in the smallest way and my first ever needing anyone to be one for me, it is a hard adjustment for me cause I always have been able to do it myself.

Why didn't he just clean the pot? It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Hope you feel better soon.

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Why didn't he just clean the pot? It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Hope you feel better soon.

My so is really sharp about lots of things but not at all in the kitchen, he is as lost as a goose. I had to draw a chart on how to load the dish washer, you wouldn't beleave how many ways he has loaded it and washed the dishes. I hope things get better to. T y.

[Gayandgray]

I'm curious if anybody here is a caregiver to their spouse/partner like me? I belong to an online support group that has been a lifesaver for me, but there are only like two other lesbians there caring for their spouses and they don't post often. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only lesbian around that has to take care of her older, sickly spouse. But I'm sure there are others out there somewhere?