Butch/Femme Insemination and Family Dynamics

tcbbutch · 05-12-2010, 05:14 PM

Thanks ...I guess thats more what we are looking for not really what I will be called but how other couples have come to reach that decision. As you say it is a very personal thing.
So if anyone has anything they would like to share about how they made those decisions that would be great. Thanks again for any ideas or personal experiences with either the insemination process or the dynamics involved.

BoDy*ShOt · 05-12-2010, 05:59 PM

yay! more ButchFemme babies!!

my ex and i have an almost 3 yr old son via AI - i carried and she did a second parent adoption when he was 6 wks old (in san antonio - i can give yall the attorney we used - ADORE her!) we used the california cryobank for the goods and did complete medical route for the insemination (if yall are in Dallas i can give you the doctor/clinic we used as well!) our pregnancy journey took 5 inseminations w/ 3 donor changes....our "gettin pregnant" insemination would have been the last try - it took a toll financially, emotionally, and physically....

tcb - my ex didn't want to be called mommy (that's ME!) as it didn't fit her, like you feel...or daddy either...so we combined it and she's called maddy - and it fits her perfectly.

good luck on your journey...and feel free to ask me any questions!

tcbbutch · 05-12-2010, 11:05 PM

Thanks BodyShot for all the great info. The lawyer info will probably be most definitely something we will need. I live outside of Houston in the direction of San Antonio so that is great. I will PM you if that is easier and of course feel free to PM either of us.
We appreciate all the information and help we can get. Thanks for sharing ur story.

Gemme · 05-13-2010, 10:14 AM

Like Corkey said, it's a very personal thing to decide and, honestly, you may not have anything to do with the choice in the end. Babies...well, toddlers will assign you a name they feel comfortable calling you. It may be Papa or some derivative of your chosen or birth name or may be something completely off the wall.

No matter what, I wish you well on this journey.

Kobi · 05-13-2010, 10:38 AM

Did anyone else have a totally different idea before they read what this thread was about?

Ok getting my mind out of the gutter........good luck on this new journey in your lives.

Rivkeh · 10-05-2011, 02:05 AM

Myself and my partner at the time, conceived my daughter through alternative insemination back in 1989. That moment of holding that baby in your arms and knowing that your love has helped give life to this precious being is simply THE most mind blowing experience-everything else literally fades into the background. My daughter is now a beautiful 21 year old woman with a lot of pride about her family of origin.

Although that relationship did not survive (we separated when my daughter was eight months old-we were very young), I would have to say that for the most part there were very positive experiences for her growing up.
My partner was Stone Butch and we talked about different parental names for her (I was mama), but settled on a masculine version of her name rather than daddy. With the partner I ended up parenting with, my daughter just called her by her first name.

There was a small group we went along to that had a list of donors. What we were doing was illegal, so no clinics or legal protection. We very much based our decisions on instinct and trust-because that is all we had.
We chose to go with a known donor, from that list, because we wanted to make sure she could contact the donor if she chose to. I felt very strongly about that, but everyone makes their own decisions based on what is essential to them. He has been an amazing friend and we actually consider him more like family, but only because it turned out so positively with him.

My daughter attended a Jewish school and did not suffer discrimination because of my sexual identity which i tried to make no big deal, but at the same time not hide.
One of the downsides was that given where we live (Australia) and the time that it was, there were very very few families like ours. I did try to link with other families but the groups were made up of women who had had their children through a previous heterosexual marriage or relationship, wherein the dynamics were quite different. I think that it would have been very affirming for her to have had those sorts of connections.

My best wishes on this truly amazing journey you are planning to embark on...

Butchlei · 10-07-2011, 10:51 AM

I think this thread was made for me

My ex-partner and I had a beautiful baby girl almost 6 years ago through artificial insemination who is the love of my life. We separated and 3 years later I re-married .... I am pleased to say, my wife and I have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 months old ...

My 3 girls (9, 6, and 4 months) called me Dadda and call my wife Mimma.

I will say that being a parent is not for everyone ... its a lifelong responsibility and will put a huge strain on your relationship ... but for me, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Artificial insemination is a process ... the first time my partner was inseminated at the doctor's office. For my second child, we did it at home ... i inseminated my wife in the privacy of our home.

Both methods worked ... it will depend on your wife's age, her health, and her reproductive system.

05-12-2010, 05:59 PM	#2
BoDyShOt Member How Do You Identify?: Queer. Femme. Preferred Pronoun?: girl ones Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Twin Cities Posts: 1,020 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,460 Thanked 2,096 Times in 532 Posts Rep Power*: 21474853	yay! more ButchFemme babies!! my ex and i have an almost 3 yr old son via AI - i carried and she did a second parent adoption when he was 6 wks old (in san antonio - i can give yall the attorney we used - ADORE her!) we used the california cryobank for the goods and did complete medical route for the insemination (if yall are in Dallas i can give you the doctor/clinic we used as well!) our pregnancy journey took 5 inseminations w/ 3 donor changes....our "gettin pregnant" insemination would have been the last try - it took a toll financially, emotionally, and physically.... tcb - my ex didn't want to be called mommy (that's ME!) as it didn't fit her, like you feel...or daddy either...so we combined it and she's called maddy - and it fits her perfectly. good luck on your journey...and feel free to ask me any questions! __________________ ...not your average betty.

05-13-2010, 10:14 AM	#4
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,973 Times in 25,664 Posts Rep Power: 21474888	Like Corkey said, it's a very personal thing to decide and, honestly, you may not have anything to do with the choice in the end. Babies...well, toddlers will assign you a name they feel comfortable calling you. It may be Papa or some derivative of your chosen or birth name or may be something completely off the wall. No matter what, I wish you well on this journey. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

05-13-2010, 10:38 AM	#5
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,636 Times in 7,642 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Did anyone else have a totally different idea before they read what this thread was about? Ok getting my mind out of the gutter........good luck on this new journey in your lives. __________________

10-05-2011, 02:05 AM	#6
Rivkeh Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: In formal settings...Miss Relationship Status: Wrapped up with a Shiny Red Bow Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 221 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 211 Thanked 447 Times in 127 Posts Rep Power: 3852911	Myself and my partner at the time, conceived my daughter through alternative insemination back in 1989. That moment of holding that baby in your arms and knowing that your love has helped give life to this precious being is simply THE most mind blowing experience-everything else literally fades into the background. My daughter is now a beautiful 21 year old woman with a lot of pride about her family of origin. Although that relationship did not survive (we separated when my daughter was eight months old-we were very young), I would have to say that for the most part there were very positive experiences for her growing up. My partner was Stone Butch and we talked about different parental names for her (I was mama), but settled on a masculine version of her name rather than daddy. With the partner I ended up parenting with, my daughter just called her by her first name. There was a small group we went along to that had a list of donors. What we were doing was illegal, so no clinics or legal protection. We very much based our decisions on instinct and trust-because that is all we had. We chose to go with a known donor, from that list, because we wanted to make sure she could contact the donor if she chose to. I felt very strongly about that, but everyone makes their own decisions based on what is essential to them. He has been an amazing friend and we actually consider him more like family, but only because it turned out so positively with him. My daughter attended a Jewish school and did not suffer discrimination because of my sexual identity which i tried to make no big deal, but at the same time not hide. One of the downsides was that given where we live (Australia) and the time that it was, there were very very few families like ours. I did try to link with other families but the groups were made up of women who had had their children through a previous heterosexual marriage or relationship, wherein the dynamics were quite different. I think that it would have been very affirming for her to have had those sorts of connections. My best wishes on this truly amazing journey you are planning to embark on... __________________ -Rivkeh-

05-12-2010, 05:14 PM	#1
tcbbutch Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Hy..Hym Relationship Status: Her Daddy Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 11 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 31 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 247852	Thanks ...I guess thats more what we are looking for not really what I will be called but how other couples have come to reach that decision. As you say it is a very personal thing. So if anyone has anything they would like to share about how they made those decisions that would be great. Thanks again for any ideas or personal experiences with either the insemination process or the dynamics involved.

05-12-2010, 11:05 PM	#3
tcbbutch Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Hy..Hym Relationship Status: Her Daddy Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 11 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 31 Times in 5 Posts Rep Power: 247852	Thanks BodyShot for all the great info. The lawyer info will probably be most definitely something we will need. I live outside of Houston in the direction of San Antonio so that is great. I will PM you if that is easier and of course feel free to PM either of us. We appreciate all the information and help we can get. Thanks for sharing ur story.

10-07-2011, 10:51 AM	#7
Butchlei Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Lan Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 13 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 39 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 609405	I think this thread was made for me My ex-partner and I had a beautiful baby girl almost 6 years ago through artificial insemination who is the love of my life. We separated and 3 years later I re-married .... I am pleased to say, my wife and I have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 months old ... My 3 girls (9, 6, and 4 months) called me Dadda and call my wife Mimma. I will say that being a parent is not for everyone ... its a lifelong responsibility and will put a huge strain on your relationship ... but for me, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Artificial insemination is a process ... the first time my partner was inseminated at the doctor's office. For my second child, we did it at home ... i inseminated my wife in the privacy of our home. Both methods worked ... it will depend on your wife's age, her health, and her reproductive system.