Butch/Femme Insemination and Family Dynamics

Kobi · 05-13-2010, 10:38 AM

Did anyone else have a totally different idea before they read what this thread was about?

Ok getting my mind out of the gutter........good luck on this new journey in your lives.

Rivkeh · 10-05-2011, 02:05 AM

Myself and my partner at the time, conceived my daughter through alternative insemination back in 1989. That moment of holding that baby in your arms and knowing that your love has helped give life to this precious being is simply THE most mind blowing experience-everything else literally fades into the background. My daughter is now a beautiful 21 year old woman with a lot of pride about her family of origin.

Although that relationship did not survive (we separated when my daughter was eight months old-we were very young), I would have to say that for the most part there were very positive experiences for her growing up.
My partner was Stone Butch and we talked about different parental names for her (I was mama), but settled on a masculine version of her name rather than daddy. With the partner I ended up parenting with, my daughter just called her by her first name.

There was a small group we went along to that had a list of donors. What we were doing was illegal, so no clinics or legal protection. We very much based our decisions on instinct and trust-because that is all we had.
We chose to go with a known donor, from that list, because we wanted to make sure she could contact the donor if she chose to. I felt very strongly about that, but everyone makes their own decisions based on what is essential to them. He has been an amazing friend and we actually consider him more like family, but only because it turned out so positively with him.

My daughter attended a Jewish school and did not suffer discrimination because of my sexual identity which i tried to make no big deal, but at the same time not hide.
One of the downsides was that given where we live (Australia) and the time that it was, there were very very few families like ours. I did try to link with other families but the groups were made up of women who had had their children through a previous heterosexual marriage or relationship, wherein the dynamics were quite different. I think that it would have been very affirming for her to have had those sorts of connections.

My best wishes on this truly amazing journey you are planning to embark on...

Butchlei · 10-07-2011, 10:51 AM

I think this thread was made for me

My ex-partner and I had a beautiful baby girl almost 6 years ago through artificial insemination who is the love of my life. We separated and 3 years later I re-married .... I am pleased to say, my wife and I have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 months old ...

My 3 girls (9, 6, and 4 months) called me Dadda and call my wife Mimma.

I will say that being a parent is not for everyone ... its a lifelong responsibility and will put a huge strain on your relationship ... but for me, it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Artificial insemination is a process ... the first time my partner was inseminated at the doctor's office. For my second child, we did it at home ... i inseminated my wife in the privacy of our home.

Both methods worked ... it will depend on your wife's age, her health, and her reproductive system.

Butchlei · 10-07-2011, 10:53 AM

PS - I forgot to mention ...

Both my daughter are my legitimate daughters and I am on their birth certificates. We did a second parent adoption for my first child and I was placed automatically on my second daughter's birth certificate since her mom and I are legally married.

Remember that with the privilege comes the responsibility ... i will be paying child support for my first child until she is 18 !!!

05-13-2010, 10:38 AM	#1
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,622 Times in 7,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Did anyone else have a totally different idea before they read what this thread was about? Ok getting my mind out of the gutter........good luck on this new journey in your lives. __________________

10-05-2011, 02:05 AM	#2
Rivkeh Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: In formal settings...Miss Relationship Status: Wrapped up with a Shiny Red Bow Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Australia Posts: 221 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 211 Thanked 447 Times in 127 Posts Rep Power: 3852911	Myself and my partner at the time, conceived my daughter through alternative insemination back in 1989. That moment of holding that baby in your arms and knowing that your love has helped give life to this precious being is simply THE most mind blowing experience-everything else literally fades into the background. My daughter is now a beautiful 21 year old woman with a lot of pride about her family of origin. Although that relationship did not survive (we separated when my daughter was eight months old-we were very young), I would have to say that for the most part there were very positive experiences for her growing up. My partner was Stone Butch and we talked about different parental names for her (I was mama), but settled on a masculine version of her name rather than daddy. With the partner I ended up parenting with, my daughter just called her by her first name. There was a small group we went along to that had a list of donors. What we were doing was illegal, so no clinics or legal protection. We very much based our decisions on instinct and trust-because that is all we had. We chose to go with a known donor, from that list, because we wanted to make sure she could contact the donor if she chose to. I felt very strongly about that, but everyone makes their own decisions based on what is essential to them. He has been an amazing friend and we actually consider him more like family, but only because it turned out so positively with him. My daughter attended a Jewish school and did not suffer discrimination because of my sexual identity which i tried to make no big deal, but at the same time not hide. One of the downsides was that given where we live (Australia) and the time that it was, there were very very few families like ours. I did try to link with other families but the groups were made up of women who had had their children through a previous heterosexual marriage or relationship, wherein the dynamics were quite different. I think that it would have been very affirming for her to have had those sorts of connections. My best wishes on this truly amazing journey you are planning to embark on... __________________ -Rivkeh-

10-07-2011, 10:51 AM	#3
Butchlei Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Lan Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 13 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 39 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 609405	I think this thread was made for me My ex-partner and I had a beautiful baby girl almost 6 years ago through artificial insemination who is the love of my life. We separated and 3 years later I re-married .... I am pleased to say, my wife and I have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 months old ... My 3 girls (9, 6, and 4 months) called me Dadda and call my wife Mimma. I will say that being a parent is not for everyone ... its a lifelong responsibility and will put a huge strain on your relationship ... but for me, it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Artificial insemination is a process ... the first time my partner was inseminated at the doctor's office. For my second child, we did it at home ... i inseminated my wife in the privacy of our home. Both methods worked ... it will depend on your wife's age, her health, and her reproductive system.

10-07-2011, 10:53 AM	#4
Butchlei Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Lan Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New York City Posts: 13 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 39 Times in 11 Posts Rep Power: 609405	PS - I forgot to mention ... Both my daughter are my legitimate daughters and I am on their birth certificates. We did a second parent adoption for my first child and I was placed automatically on my second daughter's birth certificate since her mom and I are legally married. Remember that with the privilege comes the responsibility ... i will be paying child support for my first child until she is 18 !!!