Unexpected Bible Passages

[Nat]

Besides all your abominations and harlotries you did not remember the days of your youth, when you were naked and bare and squirming in your blood.
23 "Then it came about after all your wickedness ('Woe, woe to you!' declares the Lord GOD),
24 that you built yourself a shrine and made yourself a high place in every square.
25 "You built yourself a high place at the top of every street and made your beauty abominable, and you spread your legs to every passer-by to multiply your harlotry.
26 "You also played the harlot with the Egyptians, your lustful neighbors, and multiplied your harlotry to make Me angry.
27 "Behold now, I have stretched out My hand against you and diminished your rations. And I delivered you up to the desire of those who hate you, the daughters of the Philistines, who are ashamed of your lewd conduct.
28 "Moreover, you played the harlot with the Assyrians because you were not satisfied; you played the harlot with them and still were not satisfied.
29 "You also multiplied your harlotry with the land of merchants, Chaldea, yet even with this you were not satisfied."'"
30 "How languishing is your heart," declares the Lord GOD, "while you do all these things, the actions of a bold-faced harlot.
31 "When you built your shrine at the beginning of every street and made your high place in every square, in disdaining money, you were not like a harlot.
32 "You adulteress wife, who takes strangers instead of her husband!
33 "Men give gifts to all harlots, but you give your gifts to all your lovers to bribe them to come to you from every direction for your harlotries.
34 "Thus you are different from those women in your harlotries, in that no one plays the harlot as you do, because you give money and no money is given you; thus you are different."
35 Therefore, O harlot, hear the word of the LORD.
36 Thus says the Lord GOD, "Because your lewdness was poured out and your nakedness uncovered through your harlotries with your lovers and with all your detestable idols, and because of the blood of your sons which you gave to idols,
37 therefore, behold, I will gather all your lovers with whom you took pleasure, even all those whom you loved and all those whom you hated So I will gather them against you from every direction and expose your nakedness to them that they may see all your nakedness.
38 "Thus I will judge you like women who commit adultery or shed blood are judged; and I will bring on you the blood of wrath and jealousy.
39 "I will also give you into the hands of your lovers, and they will tear down your shrines, demolish your high places, strip you of your clothing, take away your jewels, and will leave you naked and bare.
40 "They will incite a crowd against you and they will stone you and cut you to pieces with their swords.
41 "They will burn your houses with fire and execute judgments on you in the sight of many women Then I will stop you from playing the harlot, and you will also no longer pay your lovers.
42 "So I will calm My fury against you and My jealousy will depart from you, and I will be pacified and angry no more.

[Syr]

As always........its in the interpretation I think.

[Nat]

Originally Posted by Syr

As always........its in the interpretation I think.

Does this mean there's a non-pervy way to read this?

[Nat]

"behold, I will gather all your lovers with whom you took pleasure, even all those whom you loved and all those whom you hated So I will gather them against you from every direction and expose your nakedness to them that they may see all your nakedness.
38 "Thus I will judge you like women who commit adultery or shed blood are judged; and I will bring on you the blood of wrath and jealousy.
39 "I will also give you into the hands of your lovers, and they will tear down your shrines, demolish your high places, strip you of your clothing, take away your jewels, and will leave you naked and bare."

[Nat]

27 And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.

28 And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

30 And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.

31 Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.

[FireSignFemme]

New American Standard Bible
You shall eat it as a barley cake, having baked it in their sight over human dung.

King James Version
And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

Modern Spelling Tyndale-Coverdale
Barley cakes shalt thou eat, yet shalt thou first strike them over with man's dung, that they may see it."

New simplified Bible
You are to build a fire out of dried human excrement, bake bread on the fire, and eat it where everyone can see you.

Youngs Literal Translation
A barley-cake thou dost eat it, and it with dung -- the filth of man -- thou dost bake before their eyes.

[Nat]

Thanks FireSignFemme! That was totally unexpected yay