Unexpected Bible Passages

Nat · 03-19-2016, 11:23 AM

27 And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff.

28 And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times?

29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee.

30 And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay.

31 Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face.

FireSignFemme · 03-19-2016, 05:56 PM

New American Standard Bible
You shall eat it as a barley cake, having baked it in their sight over human dung.

King James Version
And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.

Modern Spelling Tyndale-Coverdale
Barley cakes shalt thou eat, yet shalt thou first strike them over with man's dung, that they may see it."

New simplified Bible
You are to build a fire out of dried human excrement, bake bread on the fire, and eat it where everyone can see you.

Youngs Literal Translation
A barley-cake thou dost eat it, and it with dung -- the filth of man -- thou dost bake before their eyes.

Nat · 03-20-2016, 09:09 PM

Thanks FireSignFemme! That was totally unexpected

yay

Medusa · 03-21-2016, 08:47 AM

I always liked Revelations!

Revelation 9:5

They were allowed to torment them for five months, but not to kill them, and their torment was like the torment of a scorpion when it stings someone.

Nat · 03-21-2016, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

I always liked Revelations!

Revelation 9:5

They were allowed to torment them for five months, but not to kill them, and their torment was like the torment of a scorpion when it stings someone.

Ouch!

nice one!

Nat · 03-21-2016, 09:01 AM

biblical curse generator

Thought this was kinda fun.

My first try was. "I pray thou shalt be plagued with gnats, flies and locusts, thou exceedingly foolish virgin!"

FireSignFemme · 03-21-2016, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nat

biblical curse generator

Thought this was kinda fun.

My first try was. "I pray thou shalt be plagued with gnats, flies and locusts, thou exceedingly foolish virgin!"

I got

Listen, O ye Amalekite dog, for you will be cast onto a steaming dung-heap!

Emphasis theirs not mine.

03-19-2016, 11:23 AM	#1
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,966 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	the talking ass 27 And when the ass saw the angel of the Lord, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff. 28 And the Lord opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times? 29 And Balaam said unto the ass, Because thou hast mocked me: I would there were a sword in mine hand, for now would I kill thee. 30 And the ass said unto Balaam, Am not I thine ass, upon which thou hast ridden ever since I was thine unto this day? was I ever wont to do so unto thee? and he said, Nay. 31 Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, and his sword drawn in his hand: and he bowed down his head, and fell flat on his face. __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

03-19-2016, 05:56 PM	#2
FireSignFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: N/A Join Date: Jan 2016 Location: WA Posts: 4,434 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37,962 Thanked 10,278 Times in 3,146 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Ezekiel 4:12-14 (or there abouts) New American Standard Bible You shall eat it as a barley cake, having baked it in their sight over human dung. King James Version And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight. Modern Spelling Tyndale-Coverdale Barley cakes shalt thou eat, yet shalt thou first strike them over with man's dung, that they may see it." New simplified Bible You are to build a fire out of dried human excrement, bake bread on the fire, and eat it where everyone can see you. Youngs Literal Translation A barley-cake thou dost eat it, and it with dung -- the filth of man -- thou dost bake before their eyes.

03-20-2016, 09:09 PM	#3
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,966 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Thanks FireSignFemme! That was totally unexpected yay __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl

03-21-2016, 08:47 AM	#4
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,682 Times in 7,831 Posts Rep Power: 10000026	I always liked Revelations! Revelation 9:5 They were allowed to torment them for five months, but not to kill them, and their torment was like the torment of a scorpion when it stings someone. __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

03-21-2016, 09:01 AM	#6
Nat Senior Member How Do You Identify?: bigender (DID System) Preferred Pronoun?: he/him or alter-specific Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Central TX Posts: 3,537 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,047 Thanked 13,966 Times in 2,589 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	biblical curse generator Thought this was kinda fun. My first try was. "I pray thou shalt be plagued with gnats, flies and locusts, thou exceedingly foolish virgin!" __________________ I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl. - Bjork What is to give light must endure burning. -Viktor Frankl