Same Sex Marriage and Divorce

Soon · 03-28-2016, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

So. Now if you do get married, and you decide to play silly buggers and fuck knuckle about, your partner will be able to rip you clean, financially. And will.

So, best to no be an arse if you sign a legal bit of paper. I *could* have had part of my exes earnings for seven years because of her behaviour. So... Play nice.

Regarding divorce and financial settlements due to adultery.

In many regions, infidelity has no bearing on the settlement. For example, in Ontario, adultery can be grounds for a divorce (or a one year separation or mental/physical cruelty); however, it will have absolutely no effect on the Court's decision regarding division of property or the affording of support. I know this is true in the USA as well with many States (not all for example NY is one where adultery can be taken into consideration I think) being 'no fault' divorce. Basically, a person can be cheating for an entire marriage and this will have no bearing on the court's division of assets between the couple or the awarding of support. In a judgement of alimony or support, courts take other factors into consideration including length of marriage, ability of one party to find work, lifestyle during the marriage etc. but adultery cannot be used to a a means to determine the amount granted.

I think the UK is different in this regard where adultery may afford the injured party more of a settlement.

meridiantoo · 03-28-2016, 11:00 PM

There was a time I was excited about getting married, wanted it very much, and looked forward to that day. It was part of a naive fairy tale that most girls grow up with. I came to realize this, re-evaluated my notions of marriage, family, level of commitment to my g/f, etc. What I came to realize is that I don't *need* marriage anymore. I don't *need* the ceremony, the rings, the nuptials, the legal binding of our relationship to make me feel committed, loved, safe, and secure. It is not the culmination of our relationship, anymore than any one thing is. It is not the dream come true into reality that will change anything from the way it is now at this moment. I would be no more committed to my g/f, no more in love, no more ready to spend the rest of my life with her if we were to marry. The only thing that would change, and this is what I fear, is if our relationship turned sour, if we grew in separate ways, and need to follow our own individual paths, not only would I have to deal with the heartbreak of losing my partner, but now I would also have to deal with legalities, red tape, financial considerations, all of the stuff that seems to bring out the worst in many people, and just like you said, JD, I'm not ready to deal with all that, and I'm not sure any of us can ever prepare for it per se, other than by anticipating that as a possible outcome. If you consider divorce as a possible outcome, then to me, I'm not sure that means you are wise as much as it means you doubt your partner and/or marriage in some way, on some level. And, if you do, then I don't know that marriage should be an option.

I have seen the most loving couples turn vile and do things no one ever considered they would. It's the pain, the hurt, the betrayal. It's dealing with a reality you never expected or wanted. It's a scary thing to possibly face.

If my relationship ended, I would try to be as amicable as possible. To negate all we have and have shared by turning into some hissing viper is not something I want, nor does she want that, I'm sure. But, I cannot control what she does. If we do ever marry, divorcing would only happen in very extreme circumstances - abuse, total loss of love to the point of almost hating, cheating.

It's important for us to know ourselves well enough to be able to make the best decisions we can for ourselves. I think so many marry for reasons that destine a relationship to fail - thinking you will be bound to that person forever, no matter what. Not wanting to be lonely. Thinking your true soul mate will never show up. We do not make the best decisions for ourselves when we operate out of fear.

Amulette · 03-28-2016, 11:29 PM

I was married and divorced when I was younger. With there being children involved the emotions were heightened for me. The break up was much more amiable than the divorce. We were friends for years after the break up, the divorce finished us. I think it's probably best to write up the divorce agreement with the marriage agreement while you are still friends, then stick to it. Tucked away in the "what if" file.

I'm not sure if I would marry again or not. There would have to be a good reason for it, or why do it? If you were marrying to protect one another sharing property or benefits I can see that. I'm shaking my head realizing marriage is no longer about love for me. Love is about love. Marriage is a legal document with consequences. Wow, I feel like a buzz kill ....

imperfect_cupcake · 03-29-2016, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soon

Regarding divorce and financial settlements due to adultery.

In many regions, infidelity has no bearing on the settlement. For example, in Ontario, adultery can be grounds for a divorce (or a one year separation or mental/physical cruelty); however, it will have absolutely no effect on the Court's decision regarding division of property or the affording of support. I know this is true in the USA as well with many States (not all for example NY is one where adultery can be taken into consideration I think) being 'no fault' divorce. Basically, a person can be cheating for an entire marriage and this will have no bearing on the court's division of assets between the couple or the awarding of support. In a judgement of alimony or support, courts take other factors into consideration including length of marriage, ability of one party to find work, lifestyle during the marriage etc. but adultery cannot be used to a a means to determine the amount granted.

I think the UK is different in this regard where adultery may afford the injured party more of a settlement.

I guess I was thinking more in regards to my own situation and those of a fair many I know which is deemed abandonment. In those cases the person who abandons someone, it's quite often deemed they are financially responsible for the person they abandoned to at least some degree.

I have no idea about the US, but in BC and in the UK, I do know that is the case. I won't be living in the US

so it's not something I'll have to worry about.

The thing is, when marriage wasn't legal there was far less worry about how ones behaviour impacted their lives in terms of legal responsibility. Frankly, I am happy that legal marriage makes people think about the type commitment people are making.

Want an out? In BC don't live together for more than two years, don't file taxes together, and don't get married.

If the person you are with refuses to do any of those things and you want a commitment, it's likely you won't be getting one.

MsTinkerbelly · 03-29-2016, 08:53 AM

For *me*, marriage was a way for my relationship to be protected legally...but for *me*, marriage, the piece of paper and the commitment in front of my friends/family/higher power, changed EVERYTHING.

I felt different about my relationship, I feel different about the amount of myself I will give to make it all work. There is no longer the ability to just walk away without repercussions, there is a vow to stick it out and give it your all, even when you don't want to anymore.

Everything changes...things get more real...things get uglier...things improve...things evolve. If you're really lucky, your relationship becomes a living and breathing thing that brings you comfort and great joy.

03-28-2016, 11:00 PM	#2
meridiantoo Member How Do You Identify?: A Speck in the Milky Way Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Monogamous relationship Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: The Milky Way Posts: 1,441 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,806 Thanked 2,297 Times in 889 Posts Rep Power: 16305605	There was a time I was excited about getting married, wanted it very much, and looked forward to that day. It was part of a naive fairy tale that most girls grow up with. I came to realize this, re-evaluated my notions of marriage, family, level of commitment to my g/f, etc. What I came to realize is that I don't need marriage anymore. I don't need the ceremony, the rings, the nuptials, the legal binding of our relationship to make me feel committed, loved, safe, and secure. It is not the culmination of our relationship, anymore than any one thing is. It is not the dream come true into reality that will change anything from the way it is now at this moment. I would be no more committed to my g/f, no more in love, no more ready to spend the rest of my life with her if we were to marry. The only thing that would change, and this is what I fear, is if our relationship turned sour, if we grew in separate ways, and need to follow our own individual paths, not only would I have to deal with the heartbreak of losing my partner, but now I would also have to deal with legalities, red tape, financial considerations, all of the stuff that seems to bring out the worst in many people, and just like you said, JD, I'm not ready to deal with all that, and I'm not sure any of us can ever prepare for it per se, other than by anticipating that as a possible outcome. If you consider divorce as a possible outcome, then to me, I'm not sure that means you are wise as much as it means you doubt your partner and/or marriage in some way, on some level. And, if you do, then I don't know that marriage should be an option. I have seen the most loving couples turn vile and do things no one ever considered they would. It's the pain, the hurt, the betrayal. It's dealing with a reality you never expected or wanted. It's a scary thing to possibly face. If my relationship ended, I would try to be as amicable as possible. To negate all we have and have shared by turning into some hissing viper is not something I want, nor does she want that, I'm sure. But, I cannot control what she does. If we do ever marry, divorcing would only happen in very extreme circumstances - abuse, total loss of love to the point of almost hating, cheating. It's important for us to know ourselves well enough to be able to make the best decisions we can for ourselves. I think so many marry for reasons that destine a relationship to fail - thinking you will be bound to that person forever, no matter what. Not wanting to be lonely. Thinking your true soul mate will never show up. We do not make the best decisions for ourselves when we operate out of fear. __________________ “Human nature is like water. It takes the shape of its container.” ― Wallace Stevens

03-28-2016, 11:29 PM	#3
Amulette Member How Do You Identify?: Ma chérie, a sweet thing. Preferred Pronoun?: feminine Relationship Status: Following the scent of flowers. Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: La vie bohem Posts: 489 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 544 Thanked 796 Times in 232 Posts Rep Power: 0	Hmmm I was married and divorced when I was younger. With there being children involved the emotions were heightened for me. The break up was much more amiable than the divorce. We were friends for years after the break up, the divorce finished us. I think it's probably best to write up the divorce agreement with the marriage agreement while you are still friends, then stick to it. Tucked away in the "what if" file. I'm not sure if I would marry again or not. There would have to be a good reason for it, or why do it? If you were marrying to protect one another sharing property or benefits I can see that. I'm shaking my head realizing marriage is no longer about love for me. Love is about love. Marriage is a legal document with consequences. Wow, I feel like a buzz kill ....

03-29-2016, 08:53 AM	#5
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,900 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	For me, marriage was a way for my relationship to be protected legally...but for me, marriage, the piece of paper and the commitment in front of my friends/family/higher power, changed EVERYTHING. I felt different about my relationship, I feel different about the amount of myself I will give to make it all work. There is no longer the ability to just walk away without repercussions, there is a vow to stick it out and give it your all, even when you don't want to anymore. Everything changes...things get more real...things get uglier...things improve...things evolve. If you're really lucky, your relationship becomes a living and breathing thing that brings you comfort and great joy.