Prenuptial Agreements. Anyone have one? Anyone who would consider one if they married?

[JDeere]

I am going to make up a pre nup if I ever get married, just in case.

If she won't sign it then it's not meant to be.

[storyspinner70]

If either of us had substantial assets of any kind, or we were doing something businessy together, there would definitely be a pre-nup. The best, most caring person in the world can turn into a petty bitch when things go bad - even if it's just for a little while. Human nature is far from a settled, obvious thing. Trust them; love them; but be smart enough that if the end should happen to come, it's as smooth and simple as possible - there's already likely to be drama and pain already, you sure don't need more over who gets the antique chifferobe and Minx the cat.

[JDeere]

I had another discussion with my folks, they said if I get married that I better get a pre nup.

I found out my sister's new husband signed one before they got married, it upset him but he signed it.

I think they are a good thing to have just in case problems arise and things go really sour, so yeah I plan on having a pre nup written out whenever time comes.

[kittygrrl]

pre-nups..I think if you are rich enough or are worrying about your riches and your judgement it's probably a good idea..it's foolish to enter a marriage when you're not sure what you are getting into, better live together and figure it out..it's basically insurance and I don't have a problem with people who want or need it..just not something I would be happy with.

[clay]

I would not ask for one personally. I am not into material wealth & could care less about $$. I would be respectful of what she may have & as to my own, would be shared equally. That is just how I roll.

It is all about having that trust & confidence in my chosen partner. Therefore, when I choose to marry, it will be 50/50 on my part.

[*Anya*]

I have a different point of view.

At one time, I would have said, "No way". If you love someone you trust them.

I have seen both sides now- hey, isn't that a lyric from a song? Joni Mitchell maybe?

Anyway: some cautionary tales. People that you would not expect in a million years to become mercenary, money-grabbers, can totally surprise you; after the love dies or family, even with a will.

My recent ex dealt with it twice. The first time after a 20-year break-up and a domestic partnership. Her ex fought for a bigger piece of the pie and my ex had to get and pay for an attorney. Never did she expect this.

Then she had to deal with one of her sisters getting an attorney saying my ex did not divide all money equally. Ex had an attorney handle the will issues and a CPA handled the money, including a forensic accounting! It is probably still going on and the taxi meter still runs for the attorney she had to hire.

My long-term ex had her brother named the executor of her parents will. They had big bucks. He took her to court repeatedly trying to get the terms of the will changed, up to and including stating the parents were not in their right mind when they wrote the will! It went on for years and still may be, for all I know.

I don't have a lot but I want to make sure my daughters get their share. If I am fortunate enough to find love again-yes I would do a pre-nup and I would be happy to sign one for the new love.

Getting married or a domestic partnership is a business arrangement. Two hearts come together as one, but also two financial situations come together as one.

I was much more naive when I was younger but I have seen much and am personally a little more cautious than I used to be.

I still think that everyone should be good, fair and just but I know now that not everyone is.

[kittygrrl]

Anya, I agree. Sometimes when you leave a relationship the other person is not fair or nice and can be greedy. In my personal experience at the end of two long established relationships I did walk away from property, bank accounts, houses etc and felt totally fine about it because quibbling about it was less important then my freedom. Having grown older I understand the need for security but I guess I am not built that way exactly..it's not to say I don't appreciate comfort and security, I do. In a relationship you take care of each other and should provide for each other as much as possible and if you are both accumulating wealth together, each should realize their responsibility in being fair and/or providing for the security of their partner if they should perish..re..gardless of custom..it's just the right thing to do..but if you don't have confidence your partner will do the right thing in every circumstance then a pre nup might be the answer...but it wouldn't be mine.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by storyspinner70

If either of us had substantial assets of any kind, or we were doing something businessy together, there would definitely be a pre-nup. The best, most caring person in the world can turn into a petty bitch when things go bad - even if it's just for a little while. Human nature is far from a settled, obvious thing. Trust them; love them; but be smart enough that if the end should happen to come, it's as smooth and simple as possible - there's already likely to be drama and pain already, you sure don't need more over who gets the antique chifferobe and Minx the cat.

Exactly. And my question was if one would get a pre nup if they had substantial money to lose. Money you had coming into the marriage. If one doesn't have any assets than it is easy to say, no pre nup. I don't have much, but I spent 20 years skipping vacations and holding onto a car for 17 years in order to put money away for retirement. I would, and have, told partners who have had more than me, that a pre nup is the way for them to go...whether they married me, or someone else. I would hate to see them, or anyone get "cleaned out", which happens.

It doesn't me that you don't love your partner or expect to be with them forever. You can't foresee the future and people break up for all sorts of reasons.