StepMonsters and other scary second parenting issues

[JDeere]

My gf has told me to tell her, soon to be 4 year old child, that I am her stepparent!

We are not even married just in a relationship. Does anyone else out there have any advice for me, regarding how I should manage telling this kid I am her stepparent, when I don't really know much about kids.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by JDeere

My gf has told me to tell her, soon to be 4 year old child, that I am her stepparent!

We are not even married just in a relationship. Does anyone else out there have any advice for me, regarding how I should manage telling this kid I am her stepparent, when I don't really know much about kids.

Why does she want you to do that? Does a 3- year-old, almost 4-year-old even know what that means (the word step-parent)?

Dos she mean that she wants the child to call you dad or...?

When my kids were young, I was so careful about the length of time I dated someone before I even introduced them and then, what my kids called my boyfriends (before I came out). I usually had them call them by their first name or whatever my BF felt comfortable with.

Step-parent implies a level of permanency. Kids get attached so easily.

Are you comfortable with the child feeling like you are his/her parent? If you have any doubts, don't do it!

I would encourage you to have some real in-depth conversations with your GF about why she wants this and understand where she is coming from.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by JDeere

My gf has told me to tell her, soon to be 4 year old child, that I am her stepparent!

We are not even married just in a relationship. Does anyone else out there have any advice for me, regarding how I should manage telling this kid I am her stepparent, when I don't really know much about kids.

Why is she asking you to be the one telling her child about your role in her life? Why is she forcing the issue since you are "just in a relationship"?

Is your girlfriend wanting more from you than you are wanting to give? Does she have problems setting clear roles and boundaries in her life?

It sounds like a conversation is in order to clear the air!

Best of luck

[JDeere]

No I'm not comfortable at all with the step parent role. The kid calls me by my first name. I think my gf has boundary issues. I don't mind being there for the kid but kids get attached too easy and I don't want that kind of pain, for anyone of us.

I'm just lost.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by JDeere

No I'm not comfortable at all with the step parent role. The kid calls me by my first name. I think my gf has boundary issues. I don't mind being there for the kid but kids get attached too easy and I don't want that kind of pain, for anyone of us.

I'm just lost.

I hear you JDeere.

Lost is a really uncomfortable place to be in a relationship, and only you know how much of that feeling you can deal with in your life.

In long running relationships, I have found that if one person feels unheard then there are
many issues that will not be resolved...just pushed under the rug until the feelings have nowhere to go, and the relationship cannot be repaired.

Love, sex, passion, attraction...are all necessary ingredients in a healthy relationship, but in the long term, communication and respect will keep you together through the hard times. Add children into the mix, and communication and respect are even more important as you are responsible for your actions around and with a child.

Follow your gut always...if it feels wrong, sometimes all you can do is break ties and protect yourself.

[JDeere]

I'm mobile right now but when I get to my laptop, I will respond further.

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

I hear you JDeere.

Lost is a really uncomfortable place to be in a relationship, and only you know how much of that feeling you can deal with in your life.

In long running relationships, I have found that if one person feels unheard then there are
many issues that will not be resolved...just pushed under the rug until the feelings have nowhere to go, and the relationship cannot be repaired.

Love, sex, passion, attraction...are all necessary ingredients in a healthy relationship, but in the long term, communication and respect will keep you together through the hard times. Add children into the mix, and communication and respect are even more important as you are responsible for your actions around and with a child.

Follow your gut always...if it feels wrong, sometimes all you can do is break ties and protect yourself.

Yes that is true, the part about being responsible with my actions around and with the child. I only got to see the child for like 2 days while I was there last, it was her birthday party so I wasn't much in control of the situation but her mom and 2 sisters with the Grandmother were there so they took that spot up fast lol.

[JDeere]

I will be watching said child while her mother attends massage internship classes, I am nervous as to punishment right now due to not being around the child much, in the past few months due to work.

We get along but said child does have behavior issues. So it makes it hard and me not being her parent makes it even worse when it comes to discipline. I don't want to end up being the horrible step monster.

[JDeere]

Apparently I am not an evil step monster LOL