Butch Pronouns - A Questionaire

[DapperButch]

Hot diggity, I was going to do a poll asking butches who don't use the pronoun bar why that is (I am SO curious on that one), but this is great!

Originally Posted by Nat

I have spent much of yesterday and today reading and re-reading the "Men with boobs" thread, and the use of default butch pronouns is one of many themes involved in that discussion.

I'm going to attach a poll, but there is not a poll that can cover every person's experience, thoughts, etc. So, in addition to the poll, I'm going to put a more inclusive questionaire below.

What I would like to do is ask anybody who participates in this thread to first fill out and post the questionaire - before addressing another person's answers to the questionaire.

If a question definitely does not apply to you, please write "N/A"

The Butch Pronoun Questionaire

1. How do you identify? TG Stone Butch

2a. What is your preferred pronoun (when referencing yourself)? Hy

2b. Do you feel like your preferred pronoun fits you perfectly? It is the closest thing I can find between she and he. I used to be annoyed by the spelling but since the other two don't fit, I accept having to use this one

2c. Did you have another or other preferred pronouns in the past? Preferred, no. I didn't consider I had any other choice as a child but she. As an adult I realized I had a choice.

3a. Does your preferred pronoun vary depending on setting? Preferred pronoun does not change. Does my pronoun change? Yes, at work and with my family. If I transitioned to male, then of course my pronoun would be he in all places.

3b. If so, can you please explain why and how? See above.

4. How important is it to you that people use your preferred pronoun? Not extremely. If someone calls me she it may feel weird (including at work), but it is fine. Some people don't know (work) and some may make mistakes (here).

5a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "he," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel? I am fine with he

5b. How do/would you react? No comment to the person.

6a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "she," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel? For some reason she feels weirder than he. Perhaps because of the sound of the word, or perhaps because I am a little closer to he than she.

6b. How do/would you react? On the Planet, if I knew the person I would PM them to tell them what I prefer because they would understand it. It would be important to me that they know that I am not upset that they called me by the pronoun that is not the best fit for me.

7a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "hy," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel? N/A

7b. How do/would you react? I would think, cool!, they read the pronoun bar/have listened in threads to what I prefer.

8a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "zie," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel? No feeling about it. I would be glad that they were thinking well enough to take the PC way out instead of using he/she/hy if they didn't know what I preferred.

8b. How do/would you react? No reaction.

9a. When speaking of a specific butch, do you strive to ensure you are using that person's preferred pronoun? Absolutely and without question.

9b. If not, why not? N/A

9c. If not, what do you see as the possible effects for that butch and others in the community? N/A

10a. Do you associate different traits with different butch pronouns? No.

10b. Do you feel that different pronouns clue you in about how a butch may look, think, feel, dress, act, talk, walk, fuck, bond? Of course not.

10c. Do you associate different ideologies, alliances or belief systems with different butch pronouns? No, I don't think so.

11a. If you are referring to a butch, and you have not had the opportunity to find out what that person's preferred pronoun is, do you use a default pronoun? I always write she/he/hy (actually, if my guess is they use he then I put he first in the sequence, and vis versa). If possible I use a name, but sometimes it just makes the sentence so awkward.

11b. If so, which pronoun do you use and why? N/A

11c. If not, what do you do instead? N/A

11d. Would you advocate a community-wide standard in this case? If so, what would it be and why? No. I advocate people using the pronoun bar or not getting upset if someone uses a nonpreferred pronoun for them if they choose to not use the bar (or indicate somewhere in their avatar a preference for pronoun - like I would most likely assume a self described "butch lesbian" would want to be called she))

12a. If you are referring to a hypothetical butch, do you use a default pronoun? I often say he/she in regular conversation when I do not know.

12b. If so, which pronoun do you use and why? See above.

12c. If not, what do you do instead? N/A

12d. Would you advocate a community-wide standard in this case? If so, what would it be and why? No opinion.

13a. Do you tend to partner with butches who use a certain pronoun more often than others? I date only femmes.

13b. If so, what pronoun? N/A

13c. If so, can you share your thoughts about why this may be? N/A

14a. Are there times when you have been corrected for using an incorrect pronoun for a butch? No.

14b. If so, how did you feel about it and how did it influence you? N/A

15. Do you have any other thoughts regarding the use of butch pronouns? No.

16. If you could add a question to this questionaire, what would it be?

For the butch who doesn't use the pronoun bar, why?

[Kobi]

I usually try and stay out of these discussions cuz they get too complicated and convoluted for my simplistic view of the world. But, I'm having one of those days.....so......

I am a female and a woman who happens to be a lesbian. I expect to be called by female pronouns because I am a female and proud of it.

I am frequently mistaken for a male on the phone and occasionally in person. It annoys me when this happens and it irks me to have to correct people....which I will do everytime.

If I am unsure of someones preference I will refrain from using any pronoun until I can ask them about it.

Even tho I will defend anyones right to be called by any pronoun they prefer, it irks me to have to jump thru these hoops. In my everyday life spanning over 35 years of being out, I have never had to deal with pronoun issues or "gender" issues. Both, for me, is like dealing with foreign concepts which are ever evolving and expanding in more and more directions to some unknown end.

I am reluctant to use the term butch these days. Butch used to be a noun with a specific connotation. Now butch is an adjective used with other adjectives to create a unique identity within any number of growing subcultures within the larger community. The pride I used to feel in the term is as watered down as the term itself.

I do not believe pronouns are a reliable indicator of any type of preferences i.e question 10 et al.

I dont know that "standardizing" is feasible.

If I could add a question it would be....the gay male community doesnt struggle with pronoun issues, femmes dont struggle with pronoun issues, what makes this an issue specific to butches?