"straight" women and Butches.

JDeere · 08-20-2016, 01:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lyte

Nope, no straight or bi women for me. <-- I'm aware that's not always a popular position to take. For some it's viewed as prejudicial. Shrug! Even so... I figure relationships between lesbian women are dramatic enough... I don't feel the need to feed that fire with additional dynamics.

Last year I learned a two new words... hetroflexable and homoflexible. Meh?!

Can you elaborate on additional dynamics?

Lyte · 08-21-2016, 11:13 AM

Sure

Let me preface first by saying the best advise pops ever gave me was that life was too hard, too fast, too rough... too whatever... for anyone to rely on learning just from one's own mistakes. Better to learn too from the mistakes made by those around you. So...

When I was in my 20's I, like many of my butch friends, we were primarily interested in looks... gay ... bi... straight... didn't matter. If they were cute, if they were hot, we were game! I dated a few straight and bi women ... and it always turned into one mess or another. Within a few days... or a few weeks... I'd hear...

1. Oh no, I have a boyfriend!
2. You're sweet... but... umm.... I'm gonna go back to my boyfriend.
3. I just wanted to see what it was like.
4. It was a mistake... it was a sin!

After that happened to me.... maybe the second or third time... I swore ... more or less mockingly/jokingly.... off bi/straight women! I say mockingly/jokingly as if... I would really stay away from cute hot, girls of any preference! <-- Keep in mind I was in my 20's...young... dumb and full o'...

Anyway, so while I was in my "I'll never touch a straight / bi chic again!" funk... my butch friends weren't! They just continued on their not so merry way ... banging their heads against the same walls... over and over again. I watched and I learned. They all got the same responses I got along with lots of BS from the ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends who were typically lurking SOMEWHERE in the picture.

Guys are ...usually... fine if it's two femmes together but when it's his femme and a butch... nope, that's not okay!! My fellow butch friends would tell me how they'd get asked about packing.... asked what did they do to her... asked how big was their cock... if they were lucky... dumb ass questions were all they got. Some were not so lucky. I had two butch friends threatened and one beaten up by an ex-boyfriend. So, my half joking swear-off from bi's and straight women twenty years ago became permanent. No offense intended to anyone. You be you and I'll be me.

Simply put... I just find it unnecessary or worth the potential hassle that can come from it. There are plenty of wonderful lesbian women out there who share my culture ... my history... my experiences...etc... etc... which puts us much closer being on the same page than does straight or bi women.

EDIT: p.s. I'm assuming by "straight" we mean first-timers?

JDeere · 08-21-2016, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lyte

Sure

Let me preface first by saying the best advise pops ever gave me was that life was too hard, too fast, too rough... too whatever... for anyone to rely on learning just from one's own mistakes. Better to learn too from the mistakes made by those around you. So...

When I was in my 20's I, like many of my butch friends, we were primarily interested in looks... gay ... bi... straight... didn't matter. If they were cute, if they were hot, we were game! I dated a few straight and bi women ... and it always turned into one mess or another. Within a few days... or a few weeks... I'd hear...

1. Oh no, I have a boyfriend!
2. You're sweet... but... umm.... I'm gonna go back to my boyfriend.
3. I just wanted to see what it was like.
4. It was a mistake... it was a sin!

After that happened to me.... maybe the second or third time... I swore ... more or less mockingly/jokingly.... off bi/straight women! I say mockingly/jokingly as if... I would really stay away from cute hot, girls of any preference! <-- Keep in mind I was in my 20's...young... dumb and full o'...

Anyway, so while I was in my "I'll never touch a straight / bi chic again!" funk... my butch friends weren't! They just continued on their not so merry way ... banging their heads against the same walls... over and over again. I watched and I learned. They all got the same responses I got along with lots of BS from the ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends who were typically lurking SOMEWHERE in the picture.

Guys are ...usually... fine if it's two femmes together but when it's his femme and a butch... nope, that's not okay!! My fellow butch friends would tell me how they'd get asked about packing.... asked what did they do to her... asked how big was their cock... if they were lucky... dumb ass questions were all they got. Some were not so lucky. I had two butch friends threatened and one beaten up by an ex-boyfriend. So, my half joking swear-off from bi's and straight women twenty years ago became permanent. No offense intended to anyone. You be you and I'll be me.

Simply put... I just find it unnecessary or worth the potential hassle that can come from it. There are plenty of wonderful lesbian women out there who share my culture ... my history... my experiences...etc... etc... which puts us much closer being on the same page than does straight or bi women.

EDIT: p.s. I'm assuming by "straight" we mean first-timers?

No no talking about first timers. Well I'm not, at least.

Cin · 08-21-2016, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lyte

Sure

So, my half joking swear-off from bi's and straight women twenty years ago became permanent. No offense intended to anyone. You be you and I'll be me.

Simply put... I just find it unnecessary or worth the potential hassle that can come from it. There are plenty of wonderful lesbian women out there who share my culture ... my history... my experiences...etc... etc... which puts us much closer being on the same page than does straight or bi women.

EDIT: p.s. I'm assuming by "straight" we mean first-timers?

I absolutely agree that you be you and I'll be me.

In the interest of bisexuals though, I don't see them belonging lumped together with straight women. Half the time straight women don't belong lumped together with straight women.

But as far as straight women, I have had good and bad experiences so I totally get why someone might have a no dating policy when it comes to straight women. However, I have enjoyed a few wonderful relationships with bisexual women, relationships I am so grateful to have had. One in particular lasted over 6 years and taught me so much. The relationship taught me so much and the woman taught me even more. It would have been sad to have missed those experiences.

However, as you so aptly stated you be you and I'll be me. I just wanted to throw that out about bisexuality. Being bisexual is not the same as being heterosexual

JDeere · 08-21-2016, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

I absolutely agree that you be you and I'll be me.

In the interest of bisexuals though, I don't see them belonging lumped together with straight women. Half the time straight women don't belong lumped together with straight women.

But as far as straight women, I have had good and bad experiences so I totally get why someone might have a no dating policy when it comes to straight women. However, I have enjoyed a few wonderful relationships with bisexual women, relationships I am so grateful to have had. One in particular lasted over 6 years and taught me so much. The relationship taught me so much and the woman taught me even more. It would have been sad to have missed those experiences.

However, as you so aptly stated you be you and I'll be me. I just wanted to throw that out about bisexuality though. Being bisexual is not the same as being heterosexual

Thank you! My gf is bisexual and she doesn't like being lumped in with straight women.

Bubala · 08-21-2016, 01:22 PM

Live and let others live. Let everyone be with whomever they choose to pursue, for whatever reason, reasons are theirs and theirs alone.

We all have our own sets of experience-based beliefs and prejudice, consciously or unconsciously driven predispositions to time after time choose a certain type, for whatever that "type" may be.

BullDog · 08-21-2016, 01:52 PM

Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but there are a lot of negative stereotypes about bisexuals that get perpetuated and that is not cool.

I prefer to be with a lesbian or queer-identified femme (which could definitely include a woman who is bisexual), but everyone has their own identity and personal journey they are on, so I stay open. Some women do come out later in life.

Lyte · 08-21-2016, 02:28 PM

I agree x four!

If not straight as in first timers, what then?

Bubala · 08-21-2016, 02:55 PM

Every generalization leads to stereotyping, and in my humble opinion generalizing (whether we infer it to be positive or negative in its nature) always harms its subject, as it invokes unfair judgment through a biased lens.

Coming out has nothing to do with who or what one is. The question of "outness" pertains to one's public transparency about their most inner self, that they may or may not feel compelled to advertize.

One's sexual orientation thus remains a unique personal state advertised or not.

I am a woman who has always loved butches. I have never been with a bio man ever - don't get me wrong I am by no means proud of myself over this fact, in fact I spent years being shamed by friends and acquaintances within our own community, telling me how I don't "really" knowing who I am because I haven't "tried it all"...

Speaking of out I have been outed by , at the time, self proclaimed "bisexual" friend in collage. It took me years to wash my brain off of the harsh biases earned by this one incident. Strangers always assume that I am straight, yet I know that this is my life, I CANNOT for the love of g-d I cannot change who I am, I wish I could , life would have been so much easier now wouldn't it? At the time of my wonderful outing, I felt such deep sense of betrayal by a friend who at the time chose to ID as "bisexual" / bi-curious? maybe... I felt like, oh nice you can hang out here while it's cool, then when things get though you can run right back across that bridge and watch us burn!? I cannot do that, this is my life, this is the one life I live and one skin I have, I cannot shed it, no matter how hard I might try... This does not reflect my current state of mind, I am using the narration above solely as a stylistic tool. Anyways decades later , that "friend" is happily married to a man, has a wonderful suburban home two kids and a dog and is, wait for it... a devoted Christian anti-lgbt activist! Who would have guessed it? Ha!

On the other hand I am still here holding my butch tightly, when we travel through hostile places around the world, or at home. Political and social struggle continues, few battles might have been won but the war is not over yet, for any basic human rights, we are far away from social freedom. Do I worry about my own safety, maybe, at times, I "pass" as straight, ppl assume, ppl cannot guess, what they don't know cannot hurt me, it's fine. However, I am not the one who walks around with a huge target on my forehead, my butch and all the butches out there are. This is my personal experience, around the world butches are the prime object of hate, as they represent a direct threat to misogynist patriarchal society... Anyways that's a digression so back to the subject.

Now, I am aware of my own biases, it took me years to wash my brain off of generalized notion that all of "them" "bi-curiours" people are simply "undecided" "explorers". Just because my former friend from collage was a person of certain character flaws, this does not mean that "all of them" are!
I am sure that every butch and femme and queer and trans and any which kind of human out there has their own negative experience and their own story. Maybe just maybe negativity can be an exception and positivity could be a rule?

Let's liberate ourslves from this "us" versus "them" predicament. We're all human, be who you are, do what and who you like, be happy, live and let others live!

I met many wonderful bi-sexual, pan-sexual and every which way sexual and asexual people out there, who for one reason or another may or may not fit the mold and are who they are, with no less integrity by any means than any other lesbian, gay, straight, queer, trans, bi, or whatever in -between, pink and polka dotted human alien person.

Love, peace and kind regards to all! <3

08-21-2016, 01:22 PM	#6
Bubala Member How Do You Identify?: Lady Sunflower Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: San Fran Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 463 Thanked 1,671 Times in 615 Posts Rep Power: 9338276	Live and let others live. Let everyone be with whomever they choose to pursue, for whatever reason, reasons are theirs and theirs alone. We all have our own sets of experience-based beliefs and prejudice, consciously or unconsciously driven predispositions to time after time choose a certain type, for whatever that "type" may be. __________________ When life turns its back on you....grab its ass

08-21-2016, 01:52 PM	#7
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but there are a lot of negative stereotypes about bisexuals that get perpetuated and that is not cool. I prefer to be with a lesbian or queer-identified femme (which could definitely include a woman who is bisexual), but everyone has their own identity and personal journey they are on, so I stay open. Some women do come out later in life. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

08-21-2016, 02:55 PM	#9
Bubala Member How Do You Identify?: Lady Sunflower Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: San Fran Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 463 Thanked 1,671 Times in 615 Posts Rep Power: 9338276	Every generalization leads to stereotyping, and in my humble opinion generalizing (whether we infer it to be positive or negative in its nature) always harms its subject, as it invokes unfair judgment through a biased lens. Coming out has nothing to do with who or what one is. The question of "outness" pertains to one's public transparency about their most inner self, that they may or may not feel compelled to advertize. One's sexual orientation thus remains a unique personal state advertised or not. I am a woman who has always loved butches. I have never been with a bio man ever - don't get me wrong I am by no means proud of myself over this fact, in fact I spent years being shamed by friends and acquaintances within our own community, telling me how I don't "really" knowing who I am because I haven't "tried it all"... Speaking of out I have been outed by , at the time, self proclaimed "bisexual" friend in collage. It took me years to wash my brain off of the harsh biases earned by this one incident. Strangers always assume that I am straight, yet I know that this is my life, I CANNOT for the love of g-d I cannot change who I am, I wish I could , life would have been so much easier now wouldn't it? At the time of my wonderful outing, I felt such deep sense of betrayal by a friend who at the time chose to ID as "bisexual" / bi-curious? maybe... I felt like, oh nice you can hang out here while it's cool, then when things get though you can run right back across that bridge and watch us burn!? I cannot do that, this is my life, this is the one life I live and one skin I have, I cannot shed it, no matter how hard I might try... This does not reflect my current state of mind, I am using the narration above solely as a stylistic tool. Anyways decades later , that "friend" is happily married to a man, has a wonderful suburban home two kids and a dog and is, wait for it... a devoted Christian anti-lgbt activist! Who would have guessed it? Ha! On the other hand I am still here holding my butch tightly, when we travel through hostile places around the world, or at home. Political and social struggle continues, few battles might have been won but the war is not over yet, for any basic human rights, we are far away from social freedom. Do I worry about my own safety, maybe, at times, I "pass" as straight, ppl assume, ppl cannot guess, what they don't know cannot hurt me, it's fine. However, I am not the one who walks around with a huge target on my forehead, my butch and all the butches out there are. This is my personal experience, around the world butches are the prime object of hate, as they represent a direct threat to misogynist patriarchal society... Anyways that's a digression so back to the subject. Now, I am aware of my own biases, it took me years to wash my brain off of generalized notion that all of "them" "bi-curiours" people are simply "undecided" "explorers". Just because my former friend from collage was a person of certain character flaws, this does not mean that "all of them" are! I am sure that every butch and femme and queer and trans and any which kind of human out there has their own negative experience and their own story. Maybe just maybe negativity can be an exception and positivity could be a rule? Let's liberate ourslves from this "us" versus "them" predicament. We're all human, be who you are, do what and who you like, be happy, live and let others live! I met many wonderful bi-sexual, pan-sexual and every which way sexual and asexual people out there, who for one reason or another may or may not fit the mold and are who they are, with no less integrity by any means than any other lesbian, gay, straight, queer, trans, bi, or whatever in -between, pink and polka dotted human alien person. Love, peace and kind regards to all! <3 __________________ When life turns its back on you....grab its ass

08-21-2016, 11:13 AM	#2
Lyte Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Meh... I'm not very particular about this. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: The south... bleh! Posts: 1,744 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 5,113 Times in 1,504 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	Sure Let me preface first by saying the best advise pops ever gave me was that life was too hard, too fast, too rough... too whatever... for anyone to rely on learning just from one's own mistakes. Better to learn too from the mistakes made by those around you. So... When I was in my 20's I, like many of my butch friends, we were primarily interested in looks... gay ... bi... straight... didn't matter. If they were cute, if they were hot, we were game! I dated a few straight and bi women ... and it always turned into one mess or another. Within a few days... or a few weeks... I'd hear... 1. Oh no, I have a boyfriend! 2. You're sweet... but... umm.... I'm gonna go back to my boyfriend. 3. I just wanted to see what it was like. 4. It was a mistake... it was a sin! After that happened to me.... maybe the second or third time... I swore ... more or less mockingly/jokingly.... off bi/straight women! I say mockingly/jokingly as if... I would really stay away from cute hot, girls of any preference! <-- Keep in mind I was in my 20's...young... dumb and full o'... Anyway, so while I was in my "I'll never touch a straight / bi chic again!" funk... my butch friends weren't! They just continued on their not so merry way ... banging their heads against the same walls... over and over again. I watched and I learned. They all got the same responses I got along with lots of BS from the ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends who were typically lurking SOMEWHERE in the picture. Guys are ...usually... fine if it's two femmes together but when it's his femme and a butch... nope, that's not okay!! My fellow butch friends would tell me how they'd get asked about packing.... asked what did they do to her... asked how big was their cock... if they were lucky... dumb ass questions were all they got. Some were not so lucky. I had two butch friends threatened and one beaten up by an ex-boyfriend. So, my half joking swear-off from bi's and straight women twenty years ago became permanent. No offense intended to anyone. You be you and I'll be me. Simply put... I just find it unnecessary or worth the potential hassle that can come from it. There are plenty of wonderful lesbian women out there who share my culture ... my history... my experiences...etc... etc... which puts us much closer being on the same page than does straight or bi women. EDIT: p.s. I'm assuming by "straight" we mean first-timers?

08-21-2016, 02:28 PM	#8
Lyte Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Meh... I'm not very particular about this. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2016 Location: The south... bleh! Posts: 1,744 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 5,113 Times in 1,504 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	I agree x four! If not straight as in first timers, what then?