The Femme Continuum: The "Highs" and "Lows" of Visibility

SuperFemme · 05-18-2010, 08:10 PM

So. Moving away from the he/hy she/shy proper pronoun debate...

Do any Femmes here use a pronoun other than she/shy? I'm combing my dendrites to think if I have run into this and cannot come up with anyone.

Remember though, I have a memory like the girl in 50 First Dates. So just cuz I can't think of any doesn't mean they aren't out there.

Nat · 05-18-2010, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

So. Moving away from the he/hy she/shy proper pronoun debate...

Do any Femmes here use a pronoun other than she/shy? I'm combing my dendrites to think if I have run into this and cannot come up with anyone.

Remember though, I have a memory like the girl in 50 First Dates. So just cuz I can't think of any doesn't mean they aren't out there.

I wouldn't mind "zie" if it ever took off enough for me to get used to it. I wouldn't mind "he" if it wasn't said with malicious intent.

The_Lady_Snow · 05-18-2010, 09:10 PM

I know someone that uses

hir

Dunno if that is the same as what you are asking though

SuperFemme · 05-18-2010, 09:13 PM

I wonder what are the ways that Femme's feel umm...femmasculated?
Like how does it look when someone takes a swipe at your femininity?
Because I don't think it looks the same as emasculating.

The_Lady_Snow · 05-18-2010, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I wonder what are the ways that Femme's feel umm...femmasculated?
Like how does it look when someone takes a swipe at your femininity?
Because I don't think it looks the same as emasculating.

I am sure the hell not gonna go first on this one

SuperFemme · 05-18-2010, 09:28 PM

I will go first.
How about being told that you are "butch".
I have heard this in a jovial/joking manner in reference to my..uh...type A personality. As if being forceful, determined, or smart is somehow a butch trait.

I don't take it as a compliment. Same with somebody throwing around the word: Toppy or Topping when I am forceful, determined or smart.

I hope that this makes sense and doesn't feel like I am saying that *butch* is an insult in general. I'm not.

betenoire · 05-18-2010, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I wonder what are the ways that Femme's feel umm...femmasculated?
Like how does it look when someone takes a swipe at your femininity?
Because I don't think it looks the same as emasculating.

Maybe it doesn't look the same as emasculating, but it's just as hurtful.

I will gleefully scratch at the eyes of anybody who questions the femininity or femmeness of myself or my pretty lady friends. Particularly since that questioning is always (fucking always!) in response to us showing our strength, our brains, out independence.

Fuck That.

SassyLeo · 05-18-2010, 09:50 PM

I use She/Her

Because of my strong willed/assertive/bossy way, I have been teased at various points.... mostly by a friend or in the community as a joke kind of thing among Femmes. No worries there.

I know a few lesbian identified friend couples who are not "into" the Butch Femme community... once in a while one will say something about the other sort of off the cuff, like - "oh my girlfriend totally butched it up last weekend and fixed water heater" or "my partner totally dragged it up for an interview...she wore a woman's pantsuit"

If this is out how they talk about themselves in the privacy of their own relationship, that's fine. If they do it because they don't necessarily know any better, ok I'll give them that.

But if someone in the community (not a friend) called my bossiness butch-y or if I told a story about doing something that was "considered" masculine and they labeled it butch-y, I would be irked.

Random · 05-19-2010, 01:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I wonder what are the ways that Femme's feel umm...femmasculated?
Like how does it look when someone takes a swipe at your femininity?
Because I don't think it looks the same as emasculating.

I think my personal favorite one is..

A particular hand movement I used while fucking someone was *Butch*

*Blink*

gee I didn't know that being concerned about possibly riping someone while getting my hand into them was based on gender id..

silly femme, serious fucking is for butches.. (sarcasm intended)

betenoire · 05-19-2010, 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Random

silly femme, serious fucking is for butches.. (sarcasm intended)

Duh. Femmes are supposed to fuck as though they are dialing the phone with wet fingernails.

AtLast · 05-19-2010, 04:09 AM

ARGH! As I'm reading the thread I am thinking some butches are like this? I think I am really happy with my old nerd, not wrapped-up in butch posturing self! Some of this is just insane and I can't imagine thinking like this!

I'm also understanding more and more why I feel really interrogated sometimes on the first few dates. Makes sense. Total sense!

05-18-2010, 09:10 PM	#3
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474875	I know someone that uses hir Dunno if that is the same as what you are asking though __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

05-18-2010, 09:50 PM	#8
SassyLeo Is Grateful How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Engaged Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The PDX Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 846 Thanked 1,576 Times in 620 Posts Rep Power: 856202	I use She/Her Because of my strong willed/assertive/bossy way, I have been teased at various points.... mostly by a friend or in the community as a joke kind of thing among Femmes. No worries there. I know a few lesbian identified friend couples who are not "into" the Butch Femme community... once in a while one will say something about the other sort of off the cuff, like - "oh my girlfriend totally butched it up last weekend and fixed water heater" or "my partner totally dragged it up for an interview...she wore a woman's pantsuit" If this is out how they talk about themselves in the privacy of their own relationship, that's fine. If they do it because they don't necessarily know any better, ok I'll give them that. But if someone in the community (not a friend) called my bossiness butch-y or if I told a story about doing something that was "considered" masculine and they labeled it butch-y, I would be irked. __________________ Joy is the best makeup -Anne Lamott

05-18-2010, 08:10 PM	#1
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	So. Moving away from the he/hy she/shy proper pronoun debate... Do any Femmes here use a pronoun other than she/shy? I'm combing my dendrites to think if I have run into this and cannot come up with anyone. Remember though, I have a memory like the girl in 50 First Dates. So just cuz I can't think of any doesn't mean they aren't out there.

05-18-2010, 09:13 PM	#4
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	I wonder what are the ways that Femme's feel umm...femmasculated? Like how does it look when someone takes a swipe at your femininity? Because I don't think it looks the same as emasculating.

05-18-2010, 09:28 PM	#6
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	I will go first. How about being told that you are "butch". I have heard this in a jovial/joking manner in reference to my..uh...type A personality. As if being forceful, determined, or smart is somehow a butch trait. I don't take it as a compliment. Same with somebody throwing around the word: Toppy or Topping when I am forceful, determined or smart. I hope that this makes sense and doesn't feel like I am saying that butch is an insult in general. I'm not.

05-19-2010, 04:09 AM	#11
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	ARGH! As I'm reading the thread I am thinking some butches are like this? I think I am really happy with my old nerd, not wrapped-up in butch posturing self! Some of this is just insane and I can't imagine thinking like this! I'm also understanding more and more why I feel really interrogated sometimes on the first few dates. Makes sense. Total sense!