Are you OUT at work?

[Stone-Butch]

People have asked me when I came out, I just say I was never IN. I think I am obvious enough that people know what I am. I don't offer but if you have to ask I will be honest. Back in the day you payed dearly for being out and many times I have been struck or spit on or otherwise engaged especially with men. Go figure. It was very hard back then but you were either who you were all the way or were considered a tweener and that was not a good position to be in. It was butch and femme and easily recognizable unless the femme was alone and mistaken for straight. All my buddies dressed as they wished, mostly on club night suit and tie. Bars were hectic at times LOL. I could never have hid who I was as I wore it on my sleeve. Take it or leave it. I think my family always knew and aside from my parents my siblings said little. Yes I was to grow out of it and get married. I think not. Never dated a man, I am queer but not that queer.

[Bubala]

I'm a very private person. I do not share any personal items at work. That said I'm starting to wonder just how much this wall I have built is helping my career and how much it's hurting it at the same time...

I guess people take one look at me and just assume that I'm straight. I'm don't like to mix personal data with business so I stay clear from any and all personal conversations.

On the other hand, when I started this (my current) job, about 1 week in, my assistant (a sweet, chatty girl, who was never introduced to basic etiquette and does not have much respect for code of business conduct... who I've later learned is the giggling office bimbo, with skirts and cognitive ability always falling a bit too short... etc.) bluntly asked me in from of my entire team : "so are you married? I see you have a wedding ring on your finger, its a nice ring...so who is he when are we going to see his picture!?" Call me a bitch but I resounded with a cold stare (while screaming inside and wanting to run the F*&$ out of the office with my hair on fire! lol) and said "yes, I am, however, I'd prefer not to bring my personal life into work, so let's keep that separate.".

Ever since then, this person has speed the "news" that I'm married, so everyone throughout the company now "knows" that I have a "husband" .... It's annoying... I am not going to fight them, or hit anyone with a hammer over their stupid little head to sober them up from making assumptions. I feel trapped at times and think that at 31 years of age I have decided that once I switch companies again I will just bluntly tell them that I'm a lesbian straight up... maybe even at the interview...so the air is clear.

However, then again why should I make details of my personal life a cornerstone of my existences in a company? Take me for my education, my knowledge and my skills.... I prefer to take those into work with me... I don't bring my work home nor my home to work. Why can't we have it simple as that?

[girl_dee]

i am not out at work, it feels weird but then again why would I be?

I have been there less than a month, and so far I see no need to come out as queer, none of the others have come out as straight or queer or anything else to me.

It would be nice to be amongst family at work but I am extremely private as the norm.

[*Anya*]

Yes, I am out at work to co-workers. It used to be harder/less comfortable when I was younger because it was a federal production with the usual femme bull-shit of "Oh my gosh, I had no idea, I never would have guessed, blah, blah..., etc."

Now that I am older, I don't hear that any more and it is a relief.

I do not discuss my sexuality or private life with clients (and neither does my uber-butch coworker). She told me clients ask her all the time if she is gay as it is pretty obvious that she is butch.

It is not therapeutic and we keep tight boundaries; clinically, it is not appropriate to get into personal information.

My straight co-workers pretty much respond the same way.

I simply say, when clients ask if I am married or have a husband, "We are here to discuss your concerns and your issues. How are you doing today?".

That gets them back on track.

[kittygrrl]

I usually am "out" sooner or later but I've never felt the need to announce it, it just comes out when you talk about about your life outside work. Sometimes it can create problems if you live in a conservative area (even in this day and age) but as a general rule I don't think about it as a worry...of course with Trump in office people may feel the need to go back in the closet for safety reasons....honestly, this is the most stress I've ever felt about a president. I can only believe he is the result of our own lack of moral principal or a general ambivalence regarding evil-

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I usually am "out" sooner or later but I've never felt the need to announce it, it just comes out when you talk about about your life outside work. Sometimes it can create problems if you live in a conservative area (even in this day and age) but as a general rule I don't think about it as a worry...of course with Trump in office people may feel the need to go back in the closet for safety reasons....honestly, this is the most stress I've ever felt about a president. I can only believe he is the result of our own lack of moral principal or a general ambivalence regarding evil-

Yes exactly. I don't feel a need to *out* myself but if it comes up I am not going to deny it.

[Blade]

That is the thing in a nutshell. I am a private person and have always been. I do not feel the need two discuss my private life with my coworkers. That said I also do not feel it is any of their business who I date or who I sleep with. It has nothing to do with my job or my performance at my job all it is is an item for gossip.