Any sexual lesbians dating asexuals?

Zimmeh · 11-21-2016, 09:43 PM

I have this issue myself. If I become stressed out, depressed or my mind just won't turn off, I don't like someone touching me. It stems from a childhood issue and if I feel like, I am not being supported by my partner, I pull back emotionally.

I was with my ex for just under three years and when it ended, I felt horrible. I blamed myself for eight months afterwards and fell into a state of depression. In hindsight, I will have this kind of conversation with my next partner. I feel that would be an important issue to discuss.

Sit down and talk to your partner and let hym/her know your feelings. Don't allow yourself to get hurt, because the pain isn't worth it.

Zimmeh

Quote:

Originally Posted by catlady

I do not have much experience in dating, so thank you everyone for the advice.

Will I be happier if my relationship was more sexual? Yes. I still love my partner, and I understand she's asexual. If I can find a way to deal with sexual desires, then I can be happier too with lack of sex. We are very compatible but our sex drives aren't. I considered finding natural ways to decrease my libido, but I am not sure if it would be a good solution.

I've been together with her for 5 years, and she is my first relationship. We have discussed about breaking up before if I'm not happier enough, but I really just don't want sex to ruin our relationship.

imperfect_cupcake · 11-22-2016, 07:33 AM

I know two femmes that were involved with asexual butches. Neither worked out because sex was very important to them, and obviously to asexuals it is not. They didn't feel sexually desired, it ate at their self esteem. The asexuals did not mean it that way, no more than a lesbian married to a cis guy would mean to lower the self esteem of the cis guy for having no sexual desire for them. The lesbian may very well truly love the cis guy, but not in the way the cis guy wants to be loved and desired. Such is the nature of sexuality.

Both of the femmes offered to stay with the stipulation they could find sex (and sex only) outside the relationship. Both were told no.

Eventually they both left their relationships with a fair amount of upset, anger, resentment, and hurt.

Personally, I think unless you have an arrangement where the sexual person gets their sexual needs met outside the relationship, and they remain in an asexual loving relationship, I don't think it can work. Anymore than forcing an asexual to have sex can work.

Some things just don't work. Differences in sexual identity generally don't unless sexual needs are being met elsewhere.
Two submissives, someone who needs kink and the other is strictly vanilla, dyke and straight guy, asexual and someone with a sex drive.

For some reason people like to think they are "above" sexual compatibilities in relationships. I have zero idea why so many people think it can be worked out (sexual incompatibility) but accept that other kinds of incompatibility are no goes - like one who is happy with long distance and one who is not; one who wants kids and one who doesn't; one who wants to live with their partner and the other wants to live on their own. Sexual incompatibility are about as surmountable as those. In other words, they aren't. No amount of love can overcome certain basic life truths in relationship issues. Love does not rule all. Adulting is hard.

11-22-2016, 07:33 AM	#2
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I know two femmes that were involved with asexual butches. Neither worked out because sex was very important to them, and obviously to asexuals it is not. They didn't feel sexually desired, it ate at their self esteem. The asexuals did not mean it that way, no more than a lesbian married to a cis guy would mean to lower the self esteem of the cis guy for having no sexual desire for them. The lesbian may very well truly love the cis guy, but not in the way the cis guy wants to be loved and desired. Such is the nature of sexuality. Both of the femmes offered to stay with the stipulation they could find sex (and sex only) outside the relationship. Both were told no. Eventually they both left their relationships with a fair amount of upset, anger, resentment, and hurt. Personally, I think unless you have an arrangement where the sexual person gets their sexual needs met outside the relationship, and they remain in an asexual loving relationship, I don't think it can work. Anymore than forcing an asexual to have sex can work. Some things just don't work. Differences in sexual identity generally don't unless sexual needs are being met elsewhere. Two submissives, someone who needs kink and the other is strictly vanilla, dyke and straight guy, asexual and someone with a sex drive. For some reason people like to think they are "above" sexual compatibilities in relationships. I have zero idea why so many people think it can be worked out (sexual incompatibility) but accept that other kinds of incompatibility are no goes - like one who is happy with long distance and one who is not; one who wants kids and one who doesn't; one who wants to live with their partner and the other wants to live on their own. Sexual incompatibility are about as surmountable as those. In other words, they aren't. No amount of love can overcome certain basic life truths in relationship issues. Love does not rule all. Adulting is hard.