How do you know someone is..

Lynn · 05-20-2010, 08:12 PM

I don't think I have any kind of radar for femmes. If someone is edgy or more self-assured, I do decide that she's probably not straight. I usually don't have a chance to verify, so I don't know how often I'm wrong. That's probably more about my desire to be seen as edgy and self-assured. I do know that I don't have a tendency to associate any particular brand of femininity with femmes. I haven't been influenced by the high-low strata that seems to be part of things for many others. I just don't really know that many self-described femmes. Or butches, for that matter.

I guess I must have an automatic reaction to outer characteristics that I associate with butch, but I've been really wrong in so many embarrassing ways. From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy.

I do find, at the few local lesbian events that I attend, that the women I think are butches or femmes typically do not identify as either. The thing is, I'm attracted to women, in general, so gaydar trumps my ability to discern butch or femme.

tuffboi29 · 05-21-2010, 03:12 AM

[QUOTE=Lynn;111013]From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy.

Damn it!! I resemble that remark!!

My opinion is the whole 'gaydar' thing just isn't reliable.I have been slapped a few time to prove it to me.As i got older and went into the city for weekend fun and got aquainted with the gay community in general I found that it's extremely difficult to pin any female into any kind of catorgory seeing as many don't seem to identify themselves as butch or femme.And in some cases when they did it was quite the opposite of what I was thinking.So yes I have thought to place the dyke or femme label a few times and found i was very off-base in my conclusions.

Now as for me I don't even know what label I would put on myself if any for the simple reason there seems to be too many damn labels to choose from and I'm indecisive.I just stick with 'boi' because that old guy at the station where I get my smokes seems soooooooo determined that one day I will appear and majickaly be the 15yr old boy he believes I am.

*chuckles* Good thread though...TY

View Poll Results: Do you determine ID (Butch or Femme) based on looks?
Yes, all the time for femmes	0	0%
Yes, all the time for butches	9	8.57%
Yes, for both	14	13.33%
Yes but only sometimes	23	21.90%
Yes, but only when I see a person on the street. Not online	18	17.14%
Yes but try not to	31	29.52%
Never!	7	6.67%
Other (please elaborate below)	3	2.86%
Voters: 105. You may not vote on this poll

05-20-2010, 08:12 PM	#1
Lynn Member How Do You Identify?: Unabashed Feminine Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: Her, She Relationship Status: Married! Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Upstate NY Posts: 689 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,499 Thanked 2,413 Times in 505 Posts Rep Power: 9668976	I don't think I have any kind of radar for femmes. If someone is edgy or more self-assured, I do decide that she's probably not straight. I usually don't have a chance to verify, so I don't know how often I'm wrong. That's probably more about my desire to be seen as edgy and self-assured. I do know that I don't have a tendency to associate any particular brand of femininity with femmes. I haven't been influenced by the high-low strata that seems to be part of things for many others. I just don't really know that many self-described femmes. Or butches, for that matter. I guess I must have an automatic reaction to outer characteristics that I associate with butch, but I've been *really wrong* in so many embarrassing ways. From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy. I do find, at the few local lesbian events that I attend, that the women I think are butches or femmes typically do not identify as either. The thing is, I'm attracted to women, in general, so gaydar trumps my ability to discern butch or femme. __________________ In the flush of love's light we dare be brave And suddenly we see that love costs all we are and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free. Maya Angelou Wedding Photos: https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?...1&l=22b092b98c

05-21-2010, 03:12 AM	#2
tuffboi29 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer..in the queer deffinition of the queer meaning of the queer word... Preferred Pronoun?: Mr. SuperTuff Relationship Status: Things happen... Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: somewhere over the rainbow Posts: 483 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 894 Thanked 684 Times in 293 Posts Rep Power: 93006	[QUOTE=Lynn;111013]From labeling (in my head) someone as a butch, and finding out that she's straight, to seeing a cute butch in my peripheral vision, but discovering that "she" is actually an adolescent boy. Damn it!! I resemble that remark!! My opinion is the whole 'gaydar' thing just isn't reliable.I have been slapped a few time to prove it to me.As i got older and went into the city for weekend fun and got aquainted with the gay community in general I found that it's extremely difficult to pin any female into any kind of catorgory seeing as many don't seem to identify themselves as butch or femme.And in some cases when they did it was quite the opposite of what I was thinking.So yes I have thought to place the dyke or femme label a few times and found i was very off-base in my conclusions. Now as for me I don't even know what label I would put on myself if any for the simple reason there seems to be too many damn labels to choose from and I'm indecisive.I just stick with 'boi' because that old guy at the station where I get my smokes seems soooooooo determined that one day I will appear and majickaly be the 15yr old boy he believes I am. chuckles Good thread though...TY __________________ "Today we would pass through the scenes of our youth like travelers. We are burnt up by hard facts; like tradesmen we understand distinctions, and like butchers, necessities. We are no longer untroubled - we are indifferent. We might exist there; but, should we really live there?" ~Erich Maria Remarque "All Quiet on the Western Front" http://a6.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphot..._4605968_n.jpg Last edited by tuffboi29; 05-21-2010 at 03:15 AM. Reason: i just can't freakin spell..I admit it