Prenuptial Agreements. Anyone have one? Anyone who would consider one if they married?

[clay]

I would not ask for one personally. I am not into material wealth & could care less about $$. I would be respectful of what she may have & as to my own, would be shared equally. That is just how I roll.

It is all about having that trust & confidence in my chosen partner. Therefore, when I choose to marry, it will be 50/50 on my part.

[*Anya*]

I have a different point of view.

At one time, I would have said, "No way". If you love someone you trust them.

I have seen both sides now- hey, isn't that a lyric from a song? Joni Mitchell maybe?

Anyway: some cautionary tales. People that you would not expect in a million years to become mercenary, money-grabbers, can totally surprise you; after the love dies or family, even with a will.

My recent ex dealt with it twice. The first time after a 20-year break-up and a domestic partnership. Her ex fought for a bigger piece of the pie and my ex had to get and pay for an attorney. Never did she expect this.

Then she had to deal with one of her sisters getting an attorney saying my ex did not divide all money equally. Ex had an attorney handle the will issues and a CPA handled the money, including a forensic accounting! It is probably still going on and the taxi meter still runs for the attorney she had to hire.

My long-term ex had her brother named the executor of her parents will. They had big bucks. He took her to court repeatedly trying to get the terms of the will changed, up to and including stating the parents were not in their right mind when they wrote the will! It went on for years and still may be, for all I know.

I don't have a lot but I want to make sure my daughters get their share. If I am fortunate enough to find love again-yes I would do a pre-nup and I would be happy to sign one for the new love.

Getting married or a domestic partnership is a business arrangement. Two hearts come together as one, but also two financial situations come together as one.

I was much more naive when I was younger but I have seen much and am personally a little more cautious than I used to be.

I still think that everyone should be good, fair and just but I know now that not everyone is.

[kittygrrl]

Anya, I agree. Sometimes when you leave a relationship the other person is not fair or nice and can be greedy. In my personal experience at the end of two long established relationships I did walk away from property, bank accounts, houses etc and felt totally fine about it because quibbling about it was less important then my freedom. Having grown older I understand the need for security but I guess I am not built that way exactly..it's not to say I don't appreciate comfort and security, I do. In a relationship you take care of each other and should provide for each other as much as possible and if you are both accumulating wealth together, each should realize their responsibility in being fair and/or providing for the security of their partner if they should perish..re..gardless of custom..it's just the right thing to do..but if you don't have confidence your partner will do the right thing in every circumstance then a pre nup might be the answer...but it wouldn't be mine.

[Kätzchen]

I was just here, the other day, reading alternate points of view, mostly because I already have personal baggage around the social right of Marriage; but more out of concern for prenuptial legal instrument development and implementation.

That said, and of course not every state in our country develops and implements or will uphold legal agreements, especially if political upheaval up ends time held rulings concerning prenuptial instruments, but I view prenuptial instruments as a way to protect your spouse in the event of untimely death or any other life altering circumstances.

For example, I wondered if an prenuptial instrument could be used to enforce any legal action taken by creditors or certain parties who believe that they're entitled to an share of the deceased member's estate.

In my mind, breakups and/or untimely circumstances of death equal troubling issues to deal with, during a what most likely is already a very painful situation.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Kätzchen

...For example, I wondered if an prenuptial instrument could be used to enforce any legal action taken by creditors or certain parties who believe that they're entitled to an share of the deceased member's estate.

In my mind, breakups and/or untimely circumstances of death equal troubling issues to deal with, during a what most likely is already a very painful situation.

This is an important consideration, especially because legal marriage equality didn't magically erase bigotry. My personal experience losing my partner and then my girlfriend, the former to an accident and the latter to illness, made me aware of just how petty and vicious people can become. A sudden death of a loved one can bring out the worst in people. Lot's of different kinds of people. You would never know that a friend/sibling/parent could react this way until they do. When people die, with or without a will, people with previously hidden bigotry around the validity of our relationships can and will seek redress in court. Nothing prevents a person from getting a lawyer and making a play for the assets of the deceased. Nothing prevents a bigoted judge from ruling from their viewpoint, either. A prenup is one more way to ensure that everyone's wishes will be respected at every stage of our relationship/life/death. My personal experience with the suddenly hostile family of my suddenly deceased partner was edifying in that regard.

I was also just having this discussion with a friend about prenups protecting heritable assets. She said she didn't own anything, but when I mentioned that she had elder parents who own a home she sat up and took notice. Her boyfriend who she may end up marrying is in the same position. Yes, they should get a prenup!

I own great tools, a car and some motorcycles. They aren't quite valuable enough for most people to get excited about, but the tiny house I bought in a slum so dangerous that it had national notoriety at the time is now a valuable NYC property. I still don't even have a will! I think about it and then I get depressed that I don't have a proper beneficiary. Everything else seems more important the minute I come up against that moment of sadness around losing my partner, and she died nearly fourteen years ago. I just can't seem to make myself buckle down to it.

Don't be like me.