Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

girl_dee · 04-15-2017, 04:17 AM

i don't have abandonment issues i don't *think* but i do often fear that something GOOD may happen so i sabotage it.

Gemme · 04-15-2017, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

i don't have abandonment issues i don't *think* but i do often fear that something GOOD may happen so i sabotage it.

Yep. Self-worth stuff. I have that.

girl_dee · 04-15-2017, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yep. Self-worth stuff. I have that.

unless you are a complete narcissist we all have that, but to a different degree.

((((((((((( Gemme ))))))))))))) you are worth it girl

Gemme · 04-15-2017, 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

unless you are a complete narcissist we all have that, but to a different degree.

((((((((((( Gemme ))))))))))))) you are worth it girl

Very true.

Thank you.

(((((dee)))))

Gemme · 09-12-2017, 10:13 PM

It's the craziest thing...some of my relationship issues that have plagued other relationships don't seem to be an issue in my current relationship so it's kind of like discovering a new, but familiar, world. Interesting stuff.

girl_dee · 03-31-2018, 04:08 AM

that hy will grow tired of me, especially when i am being a pain, and lose interest.

imperfect_cupcake · 03-31-2018, 11:43 PM

My relationship fears?

Becoming involved with someone who doesn't respect my independence, who makes demands, is jealous, wants to have highly emotional "discussions" all the time, pressures me to spend all of my free time with them, doesn't listen to me when I tell them "no" about things.

Pushes their wants over my nos, making it be about me withholding rather than me having a say of when I get to be vulnerable or trust. Someone who pushes me to give them vulnerability, emotional openness, and commitment when they want it, and not when I'm comfortable giving it.

Someone who changes their mind because of emotional moods.

Someone who wants me to be really traditional and shackled to their idea of love - which is dependence, submission, and putting them before myself.

That's my nightmare, really.

A petulant, demanding, very emotional, high maintenance, mercurial, butch partner who wants to be taken care of by a wife who is their live-in nurse, massage therapist, house cleaner, sex worker, and counselor.

That shit terrifies me! And yeah, I've seen it, lived it, and had dates phone me up or tell me drunkenly at 1am "you are the sexy, lovely girl I want to look after me, I can totally see you in my house... " etc etc etc...

*dumps them the next day*

I am terrified of being suffocated by people who don't care about who I am. Just who I am to them.

AmazonDC · 04-15-2017, 05:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yep. Self-worth stuff. I have that.

You have no idea just how amazing you are... your worth is beyond measure... never think you are without worth because I won't let you.. you are cherished and worth more to Me than I can put into words

Gemme · 04-15-2017, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyChrisCo

You have no idea just how amazing you are... your worth is beyond measure... never think you are without worth because I won't let you.. you are cherished and worth more to Me than I can put into words

Thank You. I truly appreciate this more than You know.

Old wounds do leave some pretty nasty scars, though, and that has been a big one for me.

girl_dee · 04-15-2017, 07:39 AM

my mind goes * what if this goes really bad??*

i have to say. * what if it goes really good*

Last year's broken heart to end all broken hearts has left major scar tissue and i cannot go near it now, or maybe forever

my submissive heart is very vulnerable and although well taken care of, its a deep part of my core, maybe even a deeper part of me than i thought.

Kätzchen · 04-15-2017, 12:00 PM

My last attempt at developing an romantic relationship differed widely from other romantic relationships I've had: It seemed like lots of things were evolving in natural ways and it seemed like we has lots in common but yet we also had striking differences. My ex boyfriend stated once, toward the end of our relationship, that I was so incredibly sweet, thoughtful and kind. Which, I can be. BUT, once I assert my boundaries, especially boundaries that I won't adjust, due to prior experiences within an romantic relationship, then it might look like I'm not kind, not tolerant or some such thing. I'm good at holding the line, concerning my boundaries, and I think that took him by surprise. So much so, that it spawned the hidden lunatic variable in his personality. Even at times, that he thought he could take me down or barrage me with enough horrid behavioral tactics, I would not alter my boundaries. Because, as I have stated above, prior romantic relationships that didn't work out, was my training ground on how to better assert myself and be my best, own protector.

I have learned so many things about myself, each time I venture down a new romantic path, but I'd say that particular scarring issues have actually shown me where I need personal growth or how to not blame myself for things I couldn't possibly know how to handle or how to be better able to see deal-breaker behaviors that I won't tolerate or let another person slide on.

I try very hard to be fair minded. To have an open heart. But I'm not going to place my personal safety in jeopardy because I have loving feelings for am romantic partner.

Although I have scars (baggage from prior romantic relationships), I take it as an personal challenge to improve the skills I'm not so strong on and to review my best skills, to make sure I'm using them in appropriate ways. I do that because I care about myself and love myself in ways that I hope is healthy.

Soft*Silver · 04-15-2017, 01:21 PM

I do not have self worth issues. I am not a narcissist either, lol. I had a really awful relationship with someone who did not value me at all and emotionally tortured me to the point of a mental breakdown on my part. As I climbed up out of that darkness, I vowed never to take my worth for granted, nor give it over to anyone else but myself. If someone doesnt value me as much as I do, I am gone. Interesting enough, I have not been hurt by anyone since then. I have drawn the line in the sand and dared people to cross it...and if they did, I offered no arguement, I was simply gone.

I owe that person alot. Sometimes pain is your best teacher...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

Yep. Self-worth stuff. I have that.

09-12-2017, 10:13 PM	#5
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,882 Times in 25,665 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	It's the craziest thing...some of my relationship issues that have plagued other relationships don't seem to be an issue in my current relationship so it's kind of like discovering a new, but familiar, world. Interesting stuff. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

03-31-2018, 04:08 AM	#6
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,828 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	real fear...... that hy will grow tired of me, especially when i am being a pain, and lose interest.

04-15-2017, 12:00 PM	#11
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: As a Brick House (Femme) Relationship Status: Busy (involved with a special someone here at home) Join Date: May 2010 Location: In a small community Posts: 16,281 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,209 Thanked 33,640 Times in 10,731 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	My last attempt at developing an romantic relationship differed widely from other romantic relationships I've had: It seemed like lots of things were evolving in natural ways and it seemed like we has lots in common but yet we also had striking differences. My ex boyfriend stated once, toward the end of our relationship, that I was so incredibly sweet, thoughtful and kind. Which, I can be. BUT, once I assert my boundaries, especially boundaries that I won't adjust, due to prior experiences within an romantic relationship, then it might look like I'm not kind, not tolerant or some such thing. I'm good at holding the line, concerning my boundaries, and I think that took him by surprise. So much so, that it spawned the hidden lunatic variable in his personality. Even at times, that he thought he could take me down or barrage me with enough horrid behavioral tactics, I would not alter my boundaries. Because, as I have stated above, prior romantic relationships that didn't work out, was my training ground on how to better assert myself and be my best, own protector. I have learned so many things about myself, each time I venture down a new romantic path, but I'd say that particular scarring issues have actually shown me where I need personal growth or how to not blame myself for things I couldn't possibly know how to handle or how to be better able to see deal-breaker behaviors that I won't tolerate or let another person slide on. I try very hard to be fair minded. To have an open heart. But I'm not going to place my personal safety in jeopardy because I have loving feelings for am romantic partner. Although I have scars (baggage from prior romantic relationships), I take it as an personal challenge to improve the skills I'm not so strong on and to review my best skills, to make sure I'm using them in appropriate ways. I do that because I care about myself and love myself in ways that I hope is healthy. __________________ “The way someone treats you is not a reflection of your worth: It’s a reflection of their emotional capacity,” — Jillian Turecki. ”Without justice, democracy dies,” — Jess Michaels (Epstein survivor). ”The planet can provide for human need, but not human greed,” — Dr Jane Goodall.

04-15-2017, 04:17 AM	#1
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,828 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	i don't have abandonment issues i don't think but i do often fear that something GOOD may happen so i sabotage it.

03-31-2018, 11:43 PM	#7
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,710 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My relationship fears? Becoming involved with someone who doesn't respect my independence, who makes demands, is jealous, wants to have highly emotional "discussions" all the time, pressures me to spend all of my free time with them, doesn't listen to me when I tell them "no" about things. Pushes their wants over my nos, making it be about me withholding rather than me having a say of when I get to be vulnerable or trust. Someone who pushes me to give them vulnerability, emotional openness, and commitment when they want it, and not when I'm comfortable giving it. Someone who changes their mind because of emotional moods. Someone who wants me to be really traditional and shackled to their idea of love - which is dependence, submission, and putting them before myself. That's my nightmare, really. A petulant, demanding, very emotional, high maintenance, mercurial, butch partner who wants to be taken care of by a wife who is their live-in nurse, massage therapist, house cleaner, sex worker, and counselor. That shit terrifies me! And yeah, I've seen it, lived it, and had dates phone me up or tell me drunkenly at 1am "you are the sexy, lovely girl I want to look after me, I can totally see you in my house... " etc etc etc... dumps them the next day I am terrified of being suffocated by people who don't care about who I am. Just who I am to them.

04-15-2017, 07:39 AM	#10
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,828 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	my mind goes * what if this goes really bad??* i have to say. * what if it goes really good* Last year's broken heart to end all broken hearts has left major scar tissue and i cannot go near it now, or maybe forever my submissive heart is very vulnerable and although well taken care of, its a deep part of my core, maybe even a deeper part of me than i thought.